Forums → WEPR → Love
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Granted, this might be a topic that might be waaay over the heads of some of the members here. Considering that a majority of the users are in the 11-16 age range, not much experience on the topic would be know. Yet for the rest of us there is enough for us to run on.
And when I say love, I mean actual love. Which is in of itself hard enough to define let alone known when you are in love. But those who have been through it/are currently in love know how it feels. It is that certain inexplainable feeling one gets. You know what I mean, right guys. Good.
Now, this topic is not to discuss how someone knows when they are in love. Far from it. This topic is to discuss what love is. Which is in every way an even harder question to answer. And that makes this all the more fun for us, heh.
So this is the main question we will all be trying to figure out:
What exactly is love and what causes it?
Is it nothing more than intense lust? The urges of one's loins for another person?
Is it sensing that someone would be a desirable mate and raiser or your offspring that also offers maximum genetic contributions?
Or is is somewhere in between? Mayhap something different all together?
Now get to it, lover and haters. I will jump in at randomly to put in my view.
- 11 Replies
Teeheehee. 'voidy's in luuuuuuurve.
Okay, enough childishness. If a longterm relationship is teaching me nothing else right now, it's the reminder that love is a word, a concept, and thus an attempt to represent something, which tends to be objectified in our attempts to do so.
Love, I'll say, is an umbrella term used for all these things...when it cannot be articulated further, or one does not wish to articulate it further. It will mean many different things to different people.
For me, I shan't say what I think love is therefore, but how it manifests. Personally it was borne from the formation, development and commitment to a relationship- a trust and willingness to share and support each other.
That said, this is my perspective- one that suggests that love isn't necessarily unconditional. My mother would wish to differentiate this from a parent's love, therefore.
Anyhow, turning the floor over to somebody else.
i can't really fall in love with anyone because I find it nearly impossible to trust anyone after my X lured me into an allry way were some people beat me half to death.
Strop is right that the word we have in English for love emcompasses many different things. The care a mother has for her child, the companionship of an old married couple, the raging lust of a teenager, and the light yet serious friendship between two people can all fall under the heading of love.
Love is a special thing. I don't think anybody has a limit to how much they can love; saying you can only love one person is like saying you only like one fruit. But there's something to be said for monogamy, and the complete trust that comes with choosing one person to share a life with is something amazing. Then again, the wild times of passing from one lover to another a dozen times in a week is thrilling. The only mistake I think people make is not giving themselves that chance.
@BASHA: There's a saying I like to repeat: "Sing like no one can hear you, Dance like no one can see you, and Love like you've never been hurt." Your experience is a bit more... extreme... than most people's, but to deny yourself trust and love because of one bad relationship isn't a good idea. That's like saying you'll never eat another apple because you bit into one with a worm. I hope you're ok though.
When I took Psychology 101, we were supposed to learn that there are three kinds of love: friendship, romance, and lust. Each of these by itself, or in some combination, was a form of love. It's a little weird to think of love in such clinical ways, but I think the headshrinkers got this one right.
Love is everything put together: lust, attraction, care, braing chemicals reacting.
Puppy love is when you can't live without your significant other and love is when you can live without him/her but you simply don't want to.
Love is whatever you want it to be, I think. There are different strengths of emotions, and whatever you can acquire with the person you are with that you believe to be love, is so.
For example, I thought I loved my ex. If I had stayed with him and married him, I would still love him, and that would be fine. However, upon breaking up and finding a new lover, I realized I never really *loved* my ex, I just ... well, I liked him a lot, and it was more of idolatry than love. There was no consensual...emotion, I suppose. We just got along really well. I *know* I love my fiance, and since he is the last man I will be with (hopefully?) then that is what love is to me... and I am happy with that. After 2 years (anniversary tomorrow, woot!) and we still haven't beat each other up... well, that is love.
My personal definition has always been that if you're not sure if you're in love, you're not.
I think that love is everything good in the world. Whenever I hear or see or even think about him, it makes everything better. Love can take the bad and make it good. I really like DragonMistress' definition too.
DragonMistress, I have always said that also, If you are in Love, you will know it, and there won't be any question about it.
You all have done a really good job of defining it. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, and they have been the greatest 4 years. Love includes so many different feelings, and they are different for everyone.
Ooh ooh ooh...I'm just itching to throw in these crazy terms to inspire paranoia.
Ever heard of the 7 year itch? Or the 18 month slump? Or the headline "scientists have discovered that there may be a very real reason why the latter half of the 2nd year of a relationship can often be the end of it..."?
There's a lot of things that affects a relationship (note, relationship as opposed to love now)- and although it may disturb you to hear it, many of them appear to be physiological. Sense of smell, hormones, neurochemicals...they do not necessarily define your relationship but it seems unwise to completely ignore them.
But...I'm not going to say any more on this just yet.
*shrugs* I think that is a way for people who want to get out of a relationship to get out without having to feel bad about it. I have been with my fiance for 2 years, we passed the '18 month slump' with ease. If it is true love, it is worth it.
What exactly is love and what causes it?
I don't think that it is something that can fully be described and the causation known. It is something that just hits you. When you know, you know. Its just natural.
Is it nothing more than intense lust? The urges of one's loins for another person?
NOOOO!!!!!! That is why lust and love are described as two different things. If two people are just in it for lust, then that is not love!
Is it sensing that someone would be a desirable mate and raiser or your offspring that also offers maximum genetic contributions?
No, because when most people fall in love, they do not think ahead that far. They don't say 'I love you', and then start thinking about having children.
@DM: Hmm...nah. In my experience, if one figures that they're all like "oh noes, I'm subject to a series of neurochemical reactions!?" and feel even worse!
I have no problem accepting the plausibility of such observations because I only commit to them insofar as they are an influence, not a determining factor. Personally around the 24 month mark of my relationship, whether or not this had anything to do with the wearing out of infatuation or what, I found myself having to take stock of where we were at in the relationship and what it was based on, and what it would grow to be.
Whether or not this has anything to do with physiological processes, I do think that in a long term relationship of any sort, such is definitely important (and, admittedly, most popular women's magazines would tell you the same). Now, why would that be!
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