OctoCan has an almost infinite number of uses. It's up to you to figure out what they are. Of course, no vulgar or obscene material.
Also, OctoCan has a clan now. For information on joining Clan OctoCan, contact [url=MagicTree]
I'll start: 1. Instant Seafood. If you happen to be entertaining guests from the South Pacific who are having dinner with you only to discover that the local pizza joint was the epicenter of an inexplicable volcanic eruption, OctoCan is your answer. Mix the contents of one can of OctoCan with one box of Seafood Helper and cook for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you'll have a large spread of calamari ready to serve.
2. Crowd Control. When loaded into low velocity 40mm grenade cartridges or spring-operated canisters, OctoCan is excellent for non-lethal riot dispersal. When fired, the canisters will burst open and release multiple octopi at the angry mob. The octopi will then attach themselves to the targets faces, causing them to scream and flail about trying to get the squishiness off their faces. The sight of people running around with octopi clinging to their faces will also have a profound psychological effect on other rioters, causing them to disperse before the same fate befalls them. With 24 hours' notice, Paladin Industries can have 50 truckloads of OctoCan riot ammo ready for transport to New York to clean up that little mess in Zuccotti Park. >
3. Practical Joke/Revenge. If someone is bothering you and you want to get them back, or if you're just a practical joker, OctoCan is the resource you need. Three of the easiest and most popular methods of using it are as follows: 1. Sneak up behind your target and empty a can of OctoCan down the back of their shirt. It has approximately the same effect as a slushball similarly applied, except that it's lukewarm, it's squishy, it wriggles around, and it doesn't melt, so it's actually way better. 2. Empty a can of OctoCan onto your target's chair just before they sit down. Sitting into such squirmy squishiness has extremely disturbing psychological effects and may even leave your target mentally scarred for life. > 3. Just tilt a can of OctoCan back and forth in the presence of your target. That constant "schlorp...schlorp...schlorp...schlorp..." sound will drive ANYONE to insanity. >
You've got a great idea, but wait someone copyrighted it. You've practically split your skull inventing that doohickey. There's solution that is obviously not cheating yourself. Get Octocan. It can give you an idea to copyright yourself. Disclaimer: You copyright laws will infringe you if you copyright an idea more than once.
Hi, Spikkle here, asking if you have problems with limescale? Rust? Ground-in-Dirt? They're a challenge for SOME household cleaners, but not with Octocan(tm)!
The incredible cleaning sensation! Simply spray it on, and tiles gleam! Look how it gets this penny! Good as new! Glass! Metal! Ceramic! Stone! New Octocan(tm) cleans up the lot! New Octocan(tm)! CAN! ...and the dirt is gone!
Noooooo!!! Someone figured out the "Octocan can" pun! Oh well here is mine.
158: Octo-Can
Say hello to (a tryout for) our mascot, Octo. Octo has 157 uses so far, but can he do more? We know Octocan Octo-CAN!! Even when you say Octo can't, Octo-Can! Buy OctoCan today to support Octo because we all know Octo-Can!
are your siege weapons not damaging the enemy stronghold? have no fear, with Octocan. octocan's ink ironically has the same chemical composition as greek fire, which never extinguishes until it's all burnt out. so buy octocan, and Pillage the city.
I have to say, I'm impressed! Not many people these days learn their histories well enough to know about the technological advances made in ancient times. Good Job!
#160: Knowledge Booster Do you need to get smarter? Do references to history make your mind balk and run away? Never fear, OctoCan is here! Just apply the Octo to your head, and it will soak in and permeate your brain with all the knowledge you will ever require. Warning: Make sure that you don't accidentally get the "Mind Control" OctoCan - If you apply Mind Control OctoCans in this manner, you will become a mind-zombie until someone tells you to do something. At that point, you become a mind slave. Don't be a mind slave (they are so annoying to everyone else).
glad to know my knowledge of history can impress you.
161: text talk translator.
are your friends' text message loaded with grammatical errors? do you want people to type as eloquently as you do? have no fear, for octocan is here! with octocan, you can plug it into your phone's headphone jack, and all text messages will be translated according to the urban dictionary, and many sources of text talking.
Are normal weaponry dull to you? do you want to wow your friends, and make your enemies crap their pants? never fear, OctoCan Burning BLade Edition is here for you! this special Octocan can transform into a sword, and then ligt on Fire around the blade. you will be conquering cities with that can in no time!
You've enter yourself into a big race for the "special" prizes in the end, but you can't run fast, eh? Have no fear, with OctoCan you WILL win it! Just buy a pair of OctoCan Airs, and tie them to your feet and you will crush all opposition. No, really, you'll trample them and that's how you will win.
Disclaimer: We are not at fault for use of product for injuring others.
has someone overrun you or used a burning sword to pawn you wow style? are you ill or broke an arm? then buy a can of the brand new OctoCan nurse! the squid in this can is a nurse with everything to heal you!
disclamer: buy it only with a doctor OctoCan, he can help you with bigger wounds.
is your life being threatened by a guy with a flaming sword? no fear, with octocan! Octocan can turn into a hulking italian american with brass knuckles, and a short temper. he can beat your attacker/stalker at anytime of day.
Getting tired of your religion? Want to make a new and original religion? Open up a can of Octocan! Place it in a tank filled with water and begin worshiping to the Great Octopus God (aka. Cthulhu). Now start building a place of worship to hold the octopus.
Note: Octocan will NOT provide any funding to help build the place of worship.
Every needed to rewire a security system so you can infiltrate some spy headquarters and steal their cookies, but you couldn't find the right connections? Next time, use OctoCan! The octo can use its tentacles to create or bypass circuits and override the alarms. Or if that doesn't work, he'll just spray it with ink and short it all out.
do you wish you had something to ride into battle on? do horses seem boring to you? no worries, with octocan. octocan will turn into an octopus with a saddle on it so you can ride like the wind on land, and in the water.
#169: File Organizer Ever had a giant pile of papers and stuff to organize into its respective places and just felt utterly daunted by the task? Use OctoCan! Just open it up, drop the octo into the middle of your paper mountain, and sit back and watch as he instantly begins to sort, stack, and organize everything for you. And with eight arms, he'll work four times faster than you! ______________ Remember that OctoCan has a clan, and all users of OctoCan are welcome to join! Just leave a message to that effect on my profile, and I'll set my organizer Octopus to filing you with the members.
Just pull off the top of the can, throw, and it instantly shoots out all eight arms and spins them around at astounding speeds in order to devour everyone and everything in sight. After this, it retracts into the can for reuse. Just point the can away from you, or else you'll die, too.
