PEACE AND WAR Or: The Tribulations of Two Nations as they Engage Over the Role of Women, Sammiches, and Various Other Things
Written by Maverick4 and Alexistigerspice ____________________________________________________________
[b]I: A Reasonable Introduction[/url]
The Duchy of Maveria was a very humble country. It existed quite independently of other, lesser nations, and turned up its nose when forced to deal with others. It's people spoke quite openly about their own greatness, regardless of whether there was anybody around to speak to our not. And there was some measure of truth to this: For The Duchy of Maveria would be a formiddable opponent to face in combat, provided people actually waged wars anymore (the brutal thing had been done away with some time ago, but The Duchy never got that specific memo).
The leader of The Duchy was a man by the name of Mav. However, he was not called Mav. In fact, only three types of people ever called him 'Mav': Those who wanted to die, those awaiting death, and those already dead. Upon rising to power, Mav... er... The Prince had decreed that all would call him 'The Prince'.
"But," you're probably saying, "How can a Duchy be led by a Prince? A Duke is supposed to lead a Duchy!" And you are right to say that. For in the normal usage of the term, a Duchy was ruled by a Duke or Duchess. The Prince was quite aware of this fact, but simply did not care. He was The Prince of The Duchy of Maveria, after all.
And so we shall open our tale on The Prince himself. He's currently in his War Room, discussing the invasion plans of one of his neighbors. If we hurry, perhaps we can listen in on him...
Startled by this unexpected, not-so-kind welcome, Alexis stood silent for a moment. She was expecting warm smiles and friendly gestures, not this army of sorts that appeared to be assembled against her.
"I only wished to ask a favor of you, dear Prince," she managed to say. "My people are hungry, and there isn't enough land for crops in the mountains. I came to ask if you could..."
She trailed off. The Prince was smirking at her, a degrading look she remembered from before the Great Divide. She had sworn to herself she wouldn't be treated as inferior ever again. She held her hands behind her back, gesturing to the guards flanking her.
She squared her shoulders, irritated with the way he was looking at her.
"I came to ask, if you could... make me a sammich."
The world became silent at these words. She had uttered The Dreaded Phrase.
At the utterance of The Dreaded Phrase, the sun seemed to fade, the birds were silence, the sky lost its lustor, and the entire world was stilled.
The entire world that is, with the exception of The Prince. The only sound that was to be heard was the applause of The Prince.
'Very good,' he chuckled. 'Very good, but it would seem as if you have forgotten something.'
He looked over the shoulder of the Duchess, and the party turned to follow his gaze. An entire company of Spearmen, with the Leopard-Head Insignia of The Prince upon their Tunics was there to greet them.
"Wahdahek?" was Alexis' first response. Her second was a wave of fear that seemed almost overpowering. She had thought herself safe, or protected at the least. Her small envoy of guards suddently seemed insignificant and she was obviously outnumbered.
This is bad.
She made a gesture and they backed away slowly, but Alexis was a little angry at the Prince's attitude. She wasn't going to leave like a dog with her tail between her legs.
"Again with the spears, Prince? There you males go again, resorting to threats and intimidation to get what you want. I wouldn't have expected any less."
She backed away as she said this, keeping eye contact. One of her guards had caught a bird, and she saw her attaching a note to its leg out of the corner of her eye.
"I could use one of those toothpicks later,... when you are done making me a sammich."
There was a great distance between Alexis and the Prince at this point, and she turned around, shoulders back and head held high. She intended to make her way back to Tigerspicia, her guards watching her back and fending off foes.
He turned on his heel, and began the walk back up to his palace. Several Generals, Marshalls, and Admirals tried to talk, but he cut them off with a wave of his hand; he did not want his thoughts to be interrurpted.
The Prince was a student of war. And while the rest of the region had given up the art long ago, he had been actively improoving it. On the surface, his Duchy had never changed: It still employed Spearmen and Archers to man the walls, parade about, and generally do whatever was needed to guard the city. However, The Prince had secretely bought several new types of armaments from an underground smuggler from Kongregate. His factories had copied the weapons, and his army was now one of the most advanced in the world.
When The Prince reached the inner sanctum, he stepped up to the podiumm, and began his short speech.
'Gentlemen, our nation and our honor has been slandered by that despicable fiend that neighbors our fine country. In light of her most heinous of acts, I am forced to make use of our most deadliest of weapons.'
At this, two adjutants ran up with small keys. The Prince took them, and walked over to a bank of computers, and a small terminal. He put the two keys in their locks, and turned them. With a click, a small button emerged from the terminal. The Prince pressed it, and the terminal came to life.
"We must hurry. We have no idea what kinds of weapons they have in their armory."
Alexis had come flying up the mountain, her speed almost unmatchable by the guards. Her adrenaline was the only thing keeping her from collapsing. She addressed her army now.
"The Prince has become hostile. We must raise defenses and prepare for the worst. I... I have uttered the Dreaded Phrase."
There was a collective gasp from the people. No one could have expected this from Alexis of all people! She kept their mountain top city in order, peace personified....
Still, she was their leader, and had been there for them during times of need. In unison, they all said:
"Worry not, dear Duchess, we shall guard you with our lives."
They worked on building defenses well into the night, while Alexis was in her War Room. It had never been used, but now, in the core of the mountain, she stood grimly. Now was not the time to mourn their loss of peace, it was the time for action.
"Are the defenses readied? The entrances well guarded?"
Alexis was flitting about frantically, her worst fears coming to life before her. Her people were just as nervous as she was, running around, trying to get the area fortified in the case of an attack.
"We don't know what to expect.... His arsenal could be equipped with things more terrible than we could imagine. We must prepare for the worst, but hope for the best."
Hope for the best. It seemed now that the most she could hope for was that any trace of almost-friendliness between herself and the Prince remained, and that she hadn't condemned Tigerspicia.
Ladies and Gentlemen, its your friendly neighborhood narrator here. I feel inclined to tell you just what type of missiles The Prince has launched.
You see, recent developments have actually shown Nuclear armaments to be quite obsolete. Especially given the size and proximity of these two warring states, one nuclear missile would blow the entire region into next week.
So instead, The Prince has resorted to a far more fearsome weapon: Paint. But this isn't just any paint. Its got lead in it. Lots and lots of lead. So when you're hit, you're pores will absorb high concentrations of lead. Poisoned, you die.
Its quite cheery really, and much more enviromentally friendly then say, gamma rays. And since it comes in a variety of shades, it can cover up all the grisly stuff typically associated with war.
So don't ya'll worry: Nobody is in any real danger.
Unless they reside in Tigerspicia. Then they're most likely doomed.
