Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Black Platinum (Writing Process)

May i offer afew suggestions? pointers?

*Add cretures to the mix: name creatures that you might see in the game or story, whatever.
*Use frequent character needed references: You were sitting when they raided your hut....

Now, this is what I would have got:
Your land has been taken over by the Zaccas, the evil tribe taking over the once peaceful land of Melaric...They sent their evil Woalk Hound to feed off your flesh and bones,But you survived with a few bites and cuts. They invaded your hut of your clothes,weapons,food and water.

add on Daizi

Ok. I'll add that. I'll also check for grammar when we make it.

Your land has been taken over by the Zaccas, the evil tribe taking over the once peaceful land of Melaric. They sent their evil Woalk Hound to feed off your flesh and bones, but you survived with a few bites and cuts. They invaded your hut of your clothes, weapons, food and water. You were only six at the time, and you were playing with your sister. Two guards invaded the hut with the wolf, knocking down everything. Then the sky turned a translucent brown, with black spots in certain places. You thought, "What's happening? Mom? Mom? Dad? Where are you!? Help me! I'm getting hurt!" You knew you would be killed...

May I ask what time period this is set in, and perhaps why the name "Black Platinum" suits this story?

Your land has been taken over by the Zaccas, the evil tribe taking over the once peaceful land of Melaric. They sent their evil Woalk Hound to feed off your flesh and bones, but you survived with a few bites and cuts. They invaded your hut of your clothes, weapons, food and water. You were only six at the time, and you were playing with your sister. Two guards invaded the hut with the wolf, knocking down everything. Then the sky turned a translucent brown, with black spots in certain places. You thought, "What's happening? Mom? Mom? Dad? Where are you!? Help me! I'm getting hurt!" You knew you would be killed...

OOC- Black Platinum represents the twilight, which is a major part in this story. And, well we'll find the time later.

Bic
Your land has been taken over by the Zaccas, the evil tribe taking over the once peaceful land of Melaric. They sent their evil Woalk Hound to feed off your flesh and bones, but you survived with a few bites and cuts. They invaded your hut of your clothes, weapons, food and water. You were only six at the time, and you were playing with your sister. Two guards invaded the hut with the wolf, knocking down everything. Then the sky turned a translucent brown, with black spots in certain places. You thought, "What's happening? Mom? Mom? Dad? Where are you!? Help me! I'm getting hurt!" You knew you would be killed. The next thing you knew, you were in a field. A rather small field, with no grass. Just a few Cacti.

Your land has been taken over by the Zaccas, the evil tribe taking over the once peaceful land of Melaric. They sent their evil Woalk Hound to feed off your flesh and bones, but you survived with a few bites and cuts. They invaded your hut of your clothes, weapons, food and water. You were only six at the time, and you were playing with your sister. Two guards invaded the hut with the wolf, knocking down everything. Then the sky turned a translucent brown, with black spots in certain places. You thought, "What's happening? Mom? Mom? Dad? Where are you!? Help me! I'm getting hurt!" You knew you would be killed. The next thing you knew, you were in a field. A rather small field, with no grass. Just a few Cacti.

Your land has been taken over by the Zaccas, the evil tribe taking over the once peaceful land of Melaric. They sent their evil Woalk Hound to feed off your flesh and bones, but you survived with a few bites and cuts. They invaded your hut of your clothes, weapons, food and water. You were only six at the time, and you were playing with your sister. Two guards invaded the hut with the HellHound, knocking down everything. Then the sky turned a translucent brown, with black spots in certain places. You thought, "What's happening? Mom? Mom? Dad? Where are you!? Help me! I'm getting hurt!" You knew you would be killed.You woke up,Hurt and bruised and around the house were a Double hooked sword1,Chiluuo Meat,and Brass armor1.You picked theese up,and put on the Armor.Left the house and headed out to the world of Black Plantinum.Hellhounds suround you,what you do? Is your chice!


I think lvls and special equipment is ok,so me and super will run it for now!