Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Poems By Meh
- 9 Replies
"Long boarding on a rainy day"
Rain falls down slowly
Splash happily in puddles
Wheels spray up water
Only the third I have written, and the first anyone besides a teacher has seen, so hope it is as good as I think it is!
This is a haiku's right? ( or was that unintentional....ha) I think the title is a little long--- I saw a street scene where the wheel splashing up water was of a car not a longboard.
This is a really nice haiku, though as stated before I think of the city when I read this. I don't think I could have written anything as good as this poem.
Meh is all right, but I prefer the lyrical stylings of Fuh.
Yes it is a Haiku and thanks for the advice. And when i say meh it means me, just I spell it weird as a joke for an old friend. Who if fuh?
here is a haiku i wrote in school:
Trees leaves as green bushes
Trees will live long life
please tell me if u like it
Its an ok haiku, but my problem is that the word choice isnt too great. The second line doesnt make a whole lot of sense and the third line sounds like you dont know much English.
Maybe instead of saying 'trees' in the second and third line you could replace it with something else, since we already know the topic of the haiku is trees, from the topic and first line.
I hope the critique helped.
I agree too, you say trees too many times. Also try a bit more describing than green, and also the middle sentence needs to be rearranged. I know its hard to describe when you only have 17 syllables, but if you just play around with words a bit, you will find something.
Got another, open for opinions,
Saddened, Hurt, Inspired
Keeps the culture growing,
Never stops writing,
Words so beautiful.
I forget the type of poem this is, but we learned about it in school.
Dribble, pass, then shoot
Numbers on my jersey
We are family
wrote this when i was looking for a shirt and found my old jersey.
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