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Poems By Meh

Posted May 28, '12 at 8:42pm

flip_pride

flip_pride

21 posts

"Long boarding on a rainy day"
By: flip_pride


Rain falls down slowly
Splash happily in puddles
Wheels spray up water

Only the third I have written, and the first anyone besides a teacher has seen, so hope it is as good as I think it is!

 

Posted Jun 3, '12 at 7:19am

Faunbard

Faunbard

662 posts

This is a haiku's right? ( or was that unintentional....ha) I think the title is a little long--- I saw a street scene where the wheel splashing up water was of a car not a longboard.

 

Posted Jun 4, '12 at 9:07am

Crytera

Crytera

12 posts

This is a really nice haiku, though as stated before I think of the city when I read this. I don't think I could have written anything as good as this poem.

 

Posted Jun 6, '12 at 5:42am

JoshTheBoss

JoshTheBoss

420 posts

Meh is all right, but I prefer the lyrical stylings of Fuh.

 

Posted Jun 6, '12 at 8:58pm

flip_pride

flip_pride

21 posts

Yes it is a Haiku and thanks for the advice. And when i say meh it means me, just I spell it weird as a joke for an old friend. Who if fuh?

 

Posted Jun 7, '12 at 7:03am

McSwagga

McSwagga

53 posts

here is a haiku i wrote in school:
"Trees"
Everlasting trees
Trees leaves as green bushes
Trees will live long life

please tell me if u like it

 

Posted Jun 7, '12 at 11:45am

Faunbard

Faunbard

662 posts

Its an ok haiku, but my problem is that the word choice isnt too great. The second line doesnt make a whole lot of sense and the third line sounds like you dont know much English.
Maybe instead of saying 'trees' in the second and third line you could replace it with something else, since we already know the topic of the haiku is trees, from the topic and first line.


I hope the critique helped.

 

Posted Jul 9, '12 at 10:52pm

flip_pride

flip_pride

21 posts

I agree too, you say trees too many times. Also try a bit more describing than green, and also the middle sentence needs to be rearranged. I know its hard to describe when you only have 17 syllables, but if you just play around with words a bit, you will find something.

 

Posted Jul 9, '12 at 10:56pm

flip_pride

flip_pride

21 posts

Got another, open for opinions,
"Poet"
Poet,
Saddened, Hurt, Inspired
Keeps the culture growing,
Never stops writing,
Words so beautiful.

I forget the type of poem this is, but we learned about it in school.

 

Posted Aug 11, '12 at 6:46pm

flip_pride

flip_pride

21 posts

"Basketball"
Dribble, pass, then shoot
Numbers on my jersey
We are family

wrote this when i was looking for a shirt and found my old jersey.

 
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