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Poetry from me. For... me...

Posted Jul 10, '12 at 4:42am

dair5

dair5

2,479 posts

Yeah, I usally write poems when I feel strongly about something. It's easier to express myself though vauge symbols rather than by actually talking about it with other people. So heres some poetry I wrote to express my feelings. Feel free to read and I always appreciate any feedback, tips, comments or questions you have.

Concrete Domain

I lock myself in a land known only by me.
There I hold onto whatever I have left.
I wish that my wall of apathy will hold.
I hope that it protects me from whatever wants me dead.
This nice home of concrete is where I lay my head.

It’s been a while since I’ve ventured into the woods.
I see no need to. I have my concrete domain.
Rough and sturdy, it protects my thin skin.
A skin that gets thinner every day.

Even I can tell that the wall will break.
Yes, I know that apathy is no stronger than paper.
I tell myself it is concrete, because I am scared.

The wind is strong, and my wall is weak. My skin never grows stronger.
Soon the walls will come crashing. The wind will slice at my skin.

A deep wound will scar my skin. It means that I have grown stronger.

I started this poem for the poetry contest, then dropped it in the middle after a lose of inspiration, then picked it back up and gave it love. It turned it that, and I'm really hoping that everying stays in it's proper line. It worked on microsoft word but it's looking iffy here.

 

Posted Jul 10, '12 at 9:54am

Salvidian

Salvidian

3,817 posts

I enjoyed it. A word of advice: subtlety is nice. Don't blatantly spew out what you're trying to say, but let the reader figure it out. Don't say, "I am scared," or "It means that I have grown stronger."

Your formatting was a little messed up, but it looks like you know that already.

 

Posted Jul 10, '12 at 10:27am

dair5

dair5

2,479 posts

I enjoyed it. A word of advice: subtlety is nice. Don't blatantly spew out what you're trying to say, but let the reader figure it out. Don't say, "I am scared," or "It means that I have grown stronger."

Thanks, I can definitly see how it would have more of an impact on people if I didn't say what I meant as much, and maybe used more symbols to replace those. Is that what you meant?

Here's another poem I wrote, a little while ago. I've tried to find certain people to show, but I had trouble doing so... It's not really very subtle, it's more simple. But I think it helps by leading into certain parts that give more to think about.

Everlasting Search for the Lost Boy

I’m looking for myself.
It’s become my daily ritual.
Every day I search in vain.
I wake up with hope I’ll find myself.
Except I never have, and maybe never will.

When I find myself I’ll kill him for running.
He’ll be killed for being a coward.
For running from me, from you, from life.

When I find myself I’ll hug him.
I’ll tell him I love him,
That I could barely live without him.
And that I’m not sure if I can live with him.

When I find myself I’ll hate myself.
When I find myself I’ll love myself.
So I can’t find myself,
Because it’s too hard to hate someone you love.
So I sit inert, and imagine,
I pretend I’m tracking myself.
I pretend I’m getting one step closer.
I pretend I’ve found myself.
As my eyes open to empty hands
I weep tears of joy, and smile in pain.
I haven’t found myself yet,
So I can’t tell him how I feel.
This just means another day.
Another day to pretend,
To run from the real
And lose myself in writing.

 

Posted Jul 21, '12 at 9:26am

dair5

dair5

2,479 posts

La Sima

The top is the home of the strong and the brave.
The top is where only the winner may reside, in all his love and glory.
The top is home to both the humble and the smug.
For many the top is where they’d most want to be.
Many would love to look down on others from the top.
To gloat to those who said they wouldn’t make it
Or to join the elite who already have.
There are many tops, filled with elites of every kind.
But there’s one in particular I’ve chased all my life
And now, I never want to see it again.
This top is filled with people I don’t like.
They don’t want me to join; they just expect that I should.
This is a top that was once a part of me that I left long ago.
Everyone expects me to struggle back to the top.
They laugh and stare at the boy who always only half way there.
They talk behind my back as if I can’t understand.
“The top” they say, as if it was a magical land.
And once I get there I’ll be Lord of the Flies.
I didn’t need to get there to realize the truth
I struggle to climb to a top I don’t care about
For people who I don’t care about, and who don’t care about me.
I’d rather fall than reach this top.
I don’t know where I’ll fall to or how hard I’ll hit the ground
But anything is better than making it to the top.

Mute

What are you doing?
Nothing!
Let me see. Oh. Are you stupid?     Asks him
No…   Says me
Well than would you choose this way out of all the others?
I don’t think I get what you mean…
You could talk someone, anyone. Why did you have to do that instead?
…   I can’t really tell him you know. After all, that is the problem.
I know you don’t feel like talking, so what do you think this will do?
Well, if I write these maybe he’ll see and it’ll help him understand.
Maybe “he’ll” see? Who exactly is he?
He is you, I mean, he’s me.

The first one was written in a sort of rantish mindset.

 

Posted Jul 28, '12 at 6:08pm

dair5

dair5

2,479 posts

Zed

The zombie apocalypse.
Everyone I know already infected.
They've been scraping along for ages
Wishing they'd rot away.

The zombie apocalypse.
Where we find people attacking others
Because their skin may not be as green
Or their brains are too sharp.

I don't see an end to these attacks.
Even with humans gone they feast on each other.
In a world full of zombies who bears the name "monster"?
I am the real zombie, put into light.
To be gawked at by humans who don't understand
How a monster feels when it's shamed.

I wrote this for first line poetry. Immediantly after submitting it I decided it was horrible and needed to be changed.

 
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