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{Necro}The Adventures of a Guy who wanted Mustard

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Posted Nov 5, '12 at 2:58pm

HalfDemon

HalfDemon

13 posts

It was almost the end of the world,like only four to seven hours left.people were just screaming and shouting like a bad place and were standing because they were very lazy but then every thing stopped and started to go home because......................everything had gone fine but then a guy released panic again because he just noticed that all the mustard had been taken!
To be continued

 

Posted Nov 5, '12 at 3:08pm

The_Gentlemen

The_Gentlemen

179 posts

Uh...
I would give a deep and constructive review, but there isn't too much to review....

 

Posted Nov 5, '12 at 4:25pm

GhostOfHorror

GhostOfHorror

900 posts

So, there isn't much to critique, but that's not a problem.

Some tips:

Use correct punctuation, people will find it difficult and won't want to read it if it's badly constructed.

Show it instead of telling it, the reader should be able to have a vivid picture in their head of what they're reading and feel like the words are painting a picture, rather than someone just 'telling' them a story.

 

Posted Nov 6, '12 at 4:17am

Max000_Extreme

Max000_Extreme

114 posts

Okay guys HalfDemon says That I can also continue this story but this is not a many authored book okay I am just the co-author and he is the author

 

Posted Nov 7, '12 at 2:38am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

10,085 posts

.people were just screaming and shouting like a bad place and were standing because they were very lazy


The heck is this? I am utterly confused by this..

So let me get this straight...so the world is about to end...people are in extreme panic, while at the same time not in panic because they were lazy...then they just randomly stop and go home...but one guy, I can only assume, is still standing in the middle of the street where he proceeds to lift his head up with a blank expression on his face, and then just loudly screams because he has no mustard in his hand
 

Posted Jan 2, '13 at 4:23pm

Max000_Extreme

Max000_Extreme

114 posts

The the story continued.............................................

 

Posted Jan 4, '13 at 9:31pm

SeaTurtle

SeaTurtle

120 posts

I want to hear more. The intricate story lines and in depth exploration of the main character's personality, his wants, his desires, his fears... It just resonated with me.

 

Posted Jan 4, '13 at 10:12pm

dragonball05

dragonball05

1,800 posts

I was kind of excited for this when I saw the title since I love random humor. However, it needs a bit more to it. I'm all for small installments, but, grammar and syntax aside, the main problem is that very little is giving even less. Possibly try and make even a one paragraph installment make some progress towards some random end, yet fulfill the readers' desires to feel involved in the story.