ForumsThe TavernA Review On: Stilhaus Kitchens Reviews!

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zaxera
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zaxera
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What a great forum this is. Full of fantastic tips and information. So glad I found it.

  • 35 Replies
Freakenstein
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Freakenstein
9,562 posts
4,140

Are you...are you sure you don't want to give us an ad link first?

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,995 posts
3,285

I..I can't tell if this is some awesome humor about all the kitchen review ads this site gets...or if you are drawing us in to hit us with one..

either way I love it

Gantic
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Gantic
11,812 posts
33,830

Now, I don't know if I should delete this thread or keep it for the humor value.

UnleashedUponMankind
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UnleashedUponMankind
11,433 posts
22,430

Ill vote for humor!^^

Ferret
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Ferret
9,290 posts
6,150

It is, however, in Support. So I'll move it to Tavern. That's a silly place.

FishPreferred
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FishPreferred
2,864 posts
18,680

The stilhaus I ordered was the wrong colour. Close enough? Fuchsia? How does "beige" look anything like "fuchsia"??? Your delivery team's incompetence is simply astonishing. And these cupboards! What good are cupboards if they don't open? Huh? That's the whole point of cupboards! A 20% surcharge for delivery? The supply outlet is only two blocks away from where your delivery guys dumped it -- AND dragged it through the garden, crushing my would-be-prize-winning begonias and breaking the water meter. You said the return policy is void after the box is opened. Well, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN IT UNTIL IT'S OPEN. Really, how hard is it to retape a box? What kind of idiot would fall for that ridiculous gimmick? Next time I need furniture or appliances, I'll be sure to go with anything other than a stilhaus!

That concludes my review of Stilhaus Kitchens.

gh0sts
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gh0sts
877 posts
1,320

are you sure you don't want to give us an ad link first?


I think he was going to, but then got distracted by how fantastic this forum is as he was creating the thread.
R2D21999
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R2D21999
18,231 posts
9,110

Seems the adverts are getting smart.

FishPreferred
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FishPreferred
2,864 posts
18,680

Just watch them paraphrase that to

"The stilhaus I ordered was ... simply astonishing."
"The supply outlet is only two blocks away"
"What kind of idiot would ... go with anything other than a stilhaus!"
FishPreferred
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FishPreferred
2,864 posts
18,680

Also, just after I bought mine, I slipped on the floor, decked myself on the counter, and broke seven of my teeth.


Didn't you send their brochure to 20 friends? I think that's on the order form/liability waiver somewhere.
MrDayCee
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MrDayCee
13,451 posts
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Man... I've ordered my kitchens (yes, several) a few weeks ago and they STILL haven't been delivered?!

So I called Stillhaus to ask about this huge delay and the lady that picked up the phone said it was an unfortunate chain of events that involved
- a half-eaten sandwich,
- a paperclip,
- an indoor plant,
- a roll of tape,
- a plastic cup of coffee,
- a waste bin,
- pigeon poop,
- an office chair,
- a window and
- a computer monitor...

Then she laughed... and hung up the phone! Wut?! (oO)

How's that for service and delivery? >

gh0sts
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gh0sts
877 posts
1,320

Man... I've ordered my kitchens (yes, several) a few weeks ago and they STILL haven't been delivered?!


You can thank the ninja bunny hit squad. They've terminated all kitchen purchasing services. Unfortunately, with the ninja bunny hit squad, there are no refunds.
FishPreferred
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FishPreferred
2,864 posts
18,680

Last Wednesday I bought my new kitchen from a competent supplier. Well, when I say "bought", I mean I signed the papers, wrote a cheque, and everything, but...I'm not sure if the purchase applies now that the furniture outlet has exploded. Police suspect it was arson, but it didn't seem likely for such a big company. I mean, they never even had a liquidation sale or anything.

I tried calling the main branch, but when they picked up there was just a weird...gargling sound and the connection dropped. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Then that news report yesterday on the disappearance of the company executives along with all the account records; I only caught a glimpse before the camera changed, but I swear I could see "STILH" in the gashes on the office wall, right above the weird little dent shaped like a maltese cross. What's even stranger is that one of the investigators in the background looked a lot like the stilhaus delivery guy, and he kept putting things from the scene into his pocket.

Now I suspect stilhaus has a record of my purchase, which is a bit unsettling considering how insistent they were about making another sale. There's already a box truck idling a short way down the street with what looks like the stilhaus logo under a thin layer of paint, and every now and then I see some workmen carry another big roll of linoleum out to it. I mean REALLY big. You could probably carry a step ladder or an extra guy in one of those.

Maybe there's a simple explanation to all this, though. Yeah, I'm sure it's just normal stuff. Anyway, that's my follow-up report.

MattEmAngel
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MattEmAngel
7,836 posts
4,340

I can't really say I'm satisfied with my Stilhaus Kitchen, what with it being installed by a team of lemurs with power tools and mullets. They left a large hole in the center of my living room, roughly the size of my living room, where they attempted to install a Stillhaus Living Room but couldn't because the installation instructions were eaten by one of them.

The biggest issue is that the Automatic Can Dispenser that was spot welded to the refrigerator refuses to dispense anything but Coca Cola products. I'm not sure how it discriminated between the brands, but if it encounters a different one it crushes it, bends the metal into a spearhead and fires it at the nearest moving object. My neighbors are a tad upset about the sudden loss of their cat, Mittens. They demand that I at least clean up the blood.

It's also constructed entirely of asbestos and emits mustard gas. Please remove it.

MattEmAngel
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MattEmAngel
7,836 posts
4,340

I'm fairly certain that my Stilhaus Kitchen is responsible for property damage, loss of electricity, higher insurance rates, crime, the Black Plague, malaria, Jihad, Bloody Sunday (1920, 1965 and 1972), the Illuminati, government conspiracy theories, racism, the death of Eddard Stark, leprosy, schizophrenia, Justin Bieber, the upcoming zombie apocalypse, tapeworms, "The Last Airbender (2010)," the Cold War, vampire romance novels, "Jersey Shore" and My Little Pony fanfics.

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