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My story

Posted Aug 5, '08 at 6:35am



4 posts

Im all new to this games site n gt it off a friend n im nt doin gud :s

so i decided to place this topic for all the story writers n english lovers out there like myself:P


Posted Aug 5, '08 at 6:45am



4 posts

i want people to comment on my story so that i can make it better and change things.

i also want them to put there storys up there for inspiration

this is my story i wrote around 2 months ago;

The Beautiful Canadian girl
By Erin

âOh- sweet spring mornings in Canada are just so beautifulâ said Lucinda, my Nanny. We lived in Churchill on a farm. As beautiful as it was, we werenât rich or a big family either, it was just myself, my Nan and my Father. My Dad got the farm from his Father 7 years ago when he died of a shocking heart attack that killed him on the spot. It was such a hard time after that because just two years later my mother became very sick when she was pregnant with me. After just 2½ hours of labour she passed away peacefully. She knew that if she was to give me life she was to pass away herself. My Father says that she was the most generous and loving person that he had ever met, that she had a love for the environment and she loved everybody and everything. My name is Rosetta but everyone calls me Rose or Rosie. I was named after my Mother. My Nanny named me after her because she said I have my Mothers spirit and beauty. My Dad says I am an exact replica of my Mother and I remind them of her- What with my old clothes and the same teased ponytail. I look at old photos of her and I think to myself I am not like her at all. I put on my oversized boots and grabbed my old holey pale and skipped off to the chicken pen.

âYou have to tell her, she is your Daughter and she deserves good wellbeing.â I heard as I walked in from collecting the chicken eggs, milking the cow and giving the horse more hay. I gave Nanny the eggs and went off to wash up for lunch. As I was in the bathroom I could faintly hear Nanny and Dad still debating the topic as they were before, and once in a while my name would come up. Trying not to eaves drop I walked slowly into my bed room to pray, before lunch was put on the table. As I lit my candle I had a funny feeling, like something had rushed over me, like something was going to happen.
âDear Lord,
I pray for my Mum and Pop which are safely up in heaven with you,
I pray for Nanny and Dad that they stay safe
and finally I pray for happiness not only for everyone in the world but for me too.
God I am 5 and am turning 6 in 3 months even though I am very smart for my age. For my birthday I would love to get an education. I would adore to go to school.
Thank you Lord.
Amenâ I prayed.

Just then my Father entered my room. He and Nan were standing outside my door all that time. He came in and sat on my bed and it is not very often that he does that, so I knew something was up. âYour Nan and me need to talk to you. Rose, love you know we can not send you to school and run the farm.â He said calmly. âYes daddyâ I replied, questioning what was to happen next. âWellâ he said âYour Nan and I have been talking for awhile now and we think your education is a very important thing, so we have enrolled you in a boarding schoolâ he finished. âThankyou so much⦠but what is going to happen to the farm? Whatâs going to happen to you?â I said confused.

Dad left it there and we went out and had lunch and even then no one said a word. It was so quiet that I could hear the mouse run across our kitchen floor. âRose, school starts next week, so you had better go and start packing because we have a 2 hour drive to the train station. You are catching the train this afternoon at 4:15pm, so get your stuff and meet us here in an hour.â I finished up then went to my room to pack, even though I didnât have much to pack in my ruck-sack. I only had two pairs of clothes, one to wear whilst the other got washed. My Pops handkerchief that was passed down through generations, and finally the bear that my Mother had made me out of old materials, buttons and sheepâs wool. I was ready- ready to face what life was going to throw at me, ready for the challenges the future may bring, and finally ready for all the adventures ahead.

We arrived at the train station at 3:45pm. Lucinda handed me 5 brown paper bags each containing various sandwiches, buns, and lollypops for the trip ahead. Dad handed me my ticket. âRosie it is a long way to Toronto so we thought we may get you there on time but then again you may not.â he said with a tear in his eye. âBoth me and your Nan love you and wish you the best,â he said kissing me on the forehead. He then got into the car. Tears were streaming down my face. Nan then approached me handing me a small pink pocket purse with a few small coins and 3 large notes. âI canât take this!â I exclaimed repeatedly. âYou must. We have to supply you with something. Just donât tell your father, it gets all three of us through the week.â she said in a slight whisper. âI am so very grateful, I love you and will write every week.â I said with even more tears running down my face. Then the steam train tooted twice as Nanny got into the car with Dad. I waved goodbye, lined up, showed my ticket and got onto the train.

Cabin 4 on the right said the man. âThank youâ I replied as I walked down the train to my cabin. I opened the door and noticed that I was sharing the cabin with a boy around my age and a girl just older than me.

âHello I am Rosetta but you can call me Rose. I am 5 turning 6 in three months, I have a very high IQ for my age, and I am going to the Toronto boarding school.â I said introducing myself. âHi I am Lucy and I am 12 and this is Adam. He has just turned 6. We are also going to the Toronto boarding school.â said the girl. âNice to meet you, I am sure we will become friends real quicklyâ I replied. âThe trains not stopping so we will make it there on timeâ said Adam, still hiding behind Lucy. âThatâs good, are you hungry? My Nanny packed me tea but I have way too much, would you like to share?â I said politely. âYes please!â replied Adam. So we put our stuff away and sat down on the floor. We managed to find a pack of cards, so we sat and had sandwiches and played cards until we were tired. We called it a day and all went to bed not knowing what was to happen tomorrow...

The next morning I woke to find the train was not moving and in a disgraceful mess. Adam had woken me 10 minutes earlier. âROSE!, ROSE! wake up there is nobody on the train except for you, me and Lucy.â I got up and checked every cabin in the whole entire train, to find that Adam was right. I continued the search whilst Adam went to wake Lucy, but when he returned, in more panic than before, I knew something was wrong. âWhatâs wrong?â I asked as he hugged me. âLucy wont wake up, Iâve⦠Iâve tried everything but she just wonât wake up,â he said stammering. We ran as fast as we could down to our cabin avoiding all shattered glass and objects. We finally got there and opened the door. Lucy lay there so peacefully. I tried and tried to wake her up but Adam was right, once again. I didnât know what to do until Adam pulled back the covers...
Finding Lucy laying in a pool of blood. An 8cm piece of glass stuck in the right side of her chest, possibly from the shattered window above her bed. Adam approached Lucy his hand just inches away from her but I just managed to stop him. We left her to get our stuff and collected a map from another carriage. We said goodbye to Lucy as there was nothing more we could do. We left her there and I prayed for her, her family and loved ones. Adam and I then set off on our way to Toronto not knowing what we were to do, but knowing that many abnormal things were about to happen. As we stepped out of the train, we noticed the train must have rolled off the tracks and down the hill. Everyone must have gotten out and forgot about us. Adam and myself stumbled up the hill that the train had rolled down still being careful where to tread. When we reached the top of the hill, I had an idea that if we were to follow the train track the way the train was headed we would soon make it to a small village according to the map. I told Adam and we immediately set off on our long cold journey

As we started walking in the distance I could see someone lying on the side of the train track. It seemed to be a woman, a man and a young baby. âWhatâs wrong? Is there anything I can do?â I said approaching them slowly. âNo there isnât anything you can do. We were in the train accident. When it rolled we were pushed out of the train and my Wifeâs leg has been cut off by a large shard of metal and my young daughter is dead.â said the man. I could not help but cry, not only for the man and his family but also that I had not yet told Adam why we left Lucy in the train. The man then looked at me and I could tell that he was trying to hold himself together, but it wasnât working. Whist Adam comforted him I investigated the ladies needs. Adam managed to calm down the man.

âSorry for all the trouble, I am George and thatâs my wife Rebecca.â he said. I rummaged through their stuff, and found an old ratty torn, shirt, and I tied around Rebeccaâs leg to stop her from loosing more blood than she already had. âThank you⦠thank you for what you have done. We are very grateful.â said Rebecca. âThatâs ok, I am just trying to do what I can. Now you are going to try and stand up because you are going to come with us to the nearby town of Ohamattawaâ. Rebecca struggled, but after a few minutes she became quite strong and stood up with the last strength she had. Then I felt I large drop, it was Rebecca, she had fallen to the ground and had lost too much blood. I tried to wake her up by turning her over and found a large hole in her back. She had lost a lot of the blood from there as well. âThere is nothing to do but leave her here. She is going to die in the next few minutes as she has lost too much blood alreadyâ I whispered to George âIsnât there anything we can do? Anything at all?â he said looking petrified at what I had just said.
âNo I am so sorry, if there was anything we could do we would but we cant. I am so sorry.â I whispered back, trying to remain calm. We all sat down trying not to worry and tried to eat lunch and then waited and waited. Not long after Rebecca started going into shock and passed away.
âAdam, come on we are going to Ohamattawa and I want to find somewhere to rest for tonight. Ask George if he wants to come with us because I want to get on the road as soon as possible.â I said packing up all our stuff. âUm⦠well I will come but do we have to leave Rebecca here?â said George. âSorry but we are going to have to leave her here, its further than I thought to Ohamattawa.â I said sadly. So we continued on our walk to the nearest village. It was getting darker and colder by the minute. Adam was getting hungrier and weaker, whilst myself and George struggled to go on. Up ahead about 4 kilometres I could faintly (because of the dust) see a rundown old farm barn and decided that we would stay there for the night. When we reached the old farm I found an orchard with fresh fruit still ripe on the branches of the trees. there was an old shearing shed which smelt like fresh shorn sheep and wool, and finally a barn which was run down and seemed to be hundreds of years old.

We went over to the small house. There was no one inside and it looked like there hadnât been for a while. Adam and George made their way upstairs and found two small rooms, one which contained a small bath a basin and a toilet. The second room contained 2 rather small mattresses and a wardrobe. Whilst I was down stairs I heard Adam scream and then a huge bang. I ran upstairs as fast as I could to find Adam lying on the mattress and George standing over him with a gun in his hand. George had shot Adam twice, once in the head and once in the right side of his chest. I ran over behind George. He had not seen me enter the room and so I kneed him in the back, caused him to fall forwards. Beside the wardrobe was a rope. I just managed to reach it. I tied George up and sat him in the corner, unconscious. I grabbed Adam and took him to the other room. The gun shot in head was not a big deal as it only left a small reddish-purplish mark, BUT the gun shot in his chest was causing him to loose a fair bit of blood.

I sat him in the bath and to my surprise turned on the taps and filled the bath less then a half full. I ran back downstairs and collected an old rag from the kitchen. I then went back upstairs and tied the rag around Adams wound. The blood had stopped and he had woken up in panic. âEverythingâs going to be fineâ I said as I finished washing all the blood off him and the bedroom floor. âWhat happened?â he replied in shock, but I didnât have time to answer as George had regained consciousness. I went into the room to find he had dropped the gun, so I picked it up and pointed it at him and slowly walked closer towards him. âWhy did you shoot Adam?â I yelled at him. He didnât answer, I yelled again âWhy did you shoot Adam?â. âI donât know why I did it, I just didâ¦Rosetta I am not a very good person. Me and my wife- Rebecca arenât good people. We made the train crash. We killed Adams sister Lucy and I just shot Adam. I am telling you- why did you trust me?â he replied I looked at him in shock, tears running down my face. âYou look like you are a good person, why⦠why did you do this?â I said shaking in fear. I donât know why I did. I guess I just hate myself, so if I hurt others they will hate themselves too.â he said quietly. I stood there crying. Just then I heard Adam get out the bath and slowly back out the room still holding the gun at George.

As I reached the bathroom and was helping Adam get dressed I heard a big crash from the bedroom. This time not a gun shot but something that had fallen. As I reached the bedroom I saw that a piece of roof had fallen on top of George. I couldnât see him moving. I didnât know what to do. Should I let him live by trying to save him, or should I leave him for what he had done. Without thinking I quickly rummaged through the roof that was on top of him, but it was too late. I quickly grabbed Adam, and carefully took him downstairs. I grabbed our stuff and we left immediately. I hid the gun in my ruck-sack as soon as I got downstairs, so that I was not to be questioned by Adam. We got out the house, as I had a feeling it was soon to collapse on us to. And I was right, just moments after the old house fell.

That night Adam and myself sheltered under the apple and orange trees in the orchard. In the morning when Adam woke he was in pain again so I checked his wound. It didnât look any different than what it did last night, but I knew that we would have to get to Ohamattawa as fast as we could, to know that Adam would survive. We had apples and oranges for breakfast and then set out on our way again, hoping to get there in the next day or two. We had not gotten far when Adam became tired and weary. Ever hour and a bit we took a rest. We were running out of water but luckily up ahead was I small winding river. By the time we reached the river it was just after lunch, so we stopped for a bit, but Adam was so anxious to keep going. By night fall Adam could barely take another step and I didnât have any strength left. But up ahead I could see something. I could see Ohamattawa. I wanted to go on but I couldnât. I had a feeling that I would have to rest here but I had no idea why.

In the morning I woke to find Adam ready to go, so we set out on our way again. When we reached the town of Ohamattawa we went straight to a doctors clinic. âAdam, you have done well in recovering. You just have to keep applying fresh bandages to keep the wound clean.â Said the doctor. âCan I go look around, Ohamattawa Rosie?â he asked. âOnly if you feel up to it. while you do though I am going to go to the Police to tell them about the crash and Georgeâ I replied. â Iâll meet you back here in an hourâ he said as he skipped down the main street. I arrived at the Police station and told them everything, and handed over the gun. They thanked me for my efforts and said they would get onto the case straight away. They also gave me two train tickets to Timmins. I took this as an advantage to rest our feet, as Timmins was only two towns away from Toronto. I found Adam and told him what had happened, and then we went to find the train station. Adam did not want to get on the train, but I told him everything would be fine, and it was. It took four days to get to Timmins. In that time we past Big Trout Lake and Hearst.

âCanada is such a beautiful placeâ Adam said as he lay on my lap, on the final night on the train. To make time go quicker we played cards and hide ân seek. I had seen a huge improvement in Adam. he had become stronger physically and emotionally. The next afternoon we arrive in Timmins. It looked exactly like Ohamattawa, just a little bit bigger. Adam and myself decided we would keep going, we wanted to get to Toronto, but first we had to go to Sudbury, and then Peterborough. That night we slept under an oak tree with only each other to keep ourselves warm. When we woke the next morning we found no area that wasnât white. âLast night it snowed Rosie!, it snowed!â Adam said in excitement. Even though it had snowed Adam knew we had to keep going. We stopped for lunch, under another oak tree, but this one was bigger and older. Our water had frozen, and our sandwiches were stale. We decided to go on, and that afternoon we got to Sudbury. We decided to rent a cabin for the night, and then we went shopping for food and water. The cabin wasnât warm but it was better then sleeping outside Adam told me and I agreed.

That night we went to bed early and woke early wanting to get as much time to get to Peterborough as possible. By lunch the wind had picked up, and it had knocked over one of the cabins near us. We picked up the pace and managed to get to Peterborough by ten oâclock that night. We rented a cabin again, this one bigger and better then the last one. We stayed in Peterborough for an amazing week, the snow kept falling for a white Christmas. The next day was Christmas so I decided to sneak off to town to get Adam a present as I didnât want him to feel left out. We woke early the next morning and started walking. At lunch I gave Adam his Christmas present. âThank you for this amazing toy truck. Iâm sorry I didnât get you anything..â he said. âThatâs okâ I replied. We tracked up the mountain and rested at the top that night. You could see Toronto just waiting for us. The next day we reached Toronto to find our parents, at the school. âThe school has been closed, as there had been terrible accidents⦠we thought you were dead.â said my Nanny. Just seeing her again made me cry. Adam found that his parents had died in the last month, so he came to live with us.

Years passed and on the day of my 18th birthday Adam proposed to me. We got married and now have 2 children a girl named Lucy and a boy, George. We are happy and are living in Toronto.
Could life be any more perfect?

By 3r!n_xoxo


Posted Aug 5, '08 at 6:48am



5,236 posts


Its great that you made this topic for all the story writers and such but please try to do the following:

1.Try to take the time to spell things correctly. I make my fair share of spelling mistakes but there is no excuse for the lousy spelling in the first sentence.

2.There is no point in this thread at all. It is nice that you made this thread for story writers and English lovers but this section is for submitting your own art/music/writings.

If you are going to create your own thread then make an apropriate title and a creative post. Make sure you explain what the thread is about and share your own opinion or if you are sharing some of your own art/music/writings then talk a little bit about whatevr you share and post it here.


Posted Aug 5, '08 at 6:54am



5,236 posts


Now what you just posted would have made a much much better 1st starting post. = )


Posted Aug 5, '08 at 7:00am



4,437 posts

lol...Be nice to her she's new!

Good story Erin! A few discrepancies...but overall quite good.


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