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Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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DragonMistress
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DragonMistress
1,058 posts
Blacksmith

First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.

Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:

It must fit the week's theme.
It must be submitted by the deadline.
It cannot have inappropriate language in it.
It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).


Also:

The poem must be created for this contest
A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!)
Only one submission per user will be accepted

As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.


OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!
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choazmachine
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choazmachine
1,044 posts
Nomad

Talking about Lucifer's poem I really liked his!

So I judged it too yesterday but had an AG mishap and couldn't post it. But I saved it on my CP so here goes nothing!
Lucifer

The poem is great as a whole but all good work deserves a bit of constructive criticism and judging! So I shall begin...

The first stanza was well made, with a full rhyme. But I thought the last bit was awkward, for a lack of a better word. The rhyme seemed forced so it kind of stretched the ending giving me a 'bleh' feeling. An essence of mediocre, if you may. Anyway something along the lines of this should fit better:

When I see my giant oak tree
Glisten after a cool summer shower,
I grow giddy and climb it with glee.
As time flies by, hour after hour.

I added giant because it keeps each line around the same length of sound. Changed 'the tree' with 'it' because the sentence had a rhyme in it and that made it seem silly. Now the last sentence still fits in nice but doesn't have any awkward feeling to it.

Second stanza has great text in it. Nothing really to say about it, because it's yours. Anything that I would want to say would just be things I prefer.

Third stanza is almost there, but the only change/revision to make would be to take out the word 'maybe'.

Is it the water or maybe the sun you saw?
->Is it the water or the sun you saw?

I don't think that fourth stanza is written correctly. Because to me It feels like it doesn't belong in the poem. Maybe this works better?
::

With each torrental burst,
I wonder if you're gonna be the same
As that dainty shower first.
Or that beast that can't be tamed.
::
*That fury knows no bounds,
Like the fickle woman alone.
The guilt you carry always comes around,
To the dainty, you better stay at home.

*That works better because your indirectly talking about a downpour, not directly. So no more' your', just 'that'.

The ending really finishes off the poem well, and gives that true meaning of rain. Overall well done. If this was a scored by a scale of 1-10 this is an 8!
Props!

DDX
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DDX
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Nomad

actually you should know that in poetry it gives depth if the lines are not roughly the same

by replacing "the tree" with "it" you have destroyed the dual line dexilic hexameter style of the quatrain.

Is it the water or maybe the sun you saw?
->Is it the water or the sun you saw?


Yup el retardo messed up here, good call.

THe last two stanzas refer to a woman's mood swings, and about the amount of work she can put out ("fuss&quot so which is why he left it as it is.


your poem is nice as it is too.
choazmachine
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choazmachine
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Nomad

I haven't destroyed anything because the poem hasn't actually changed so thus I haven't done a thing besides give my opinion as a judge oh so does well. ANd I think that makes a line seem silly if you have the same end rhyme in your poem in the line that ends the end rhyme.

For some weird reason Im getting the feeling you called me a retard...

DDX
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DDX
3,562 posts
Nomad

For some weird reason Im getting the feeling you called me a retard...


el retardo refers to LuciferSatanis, who by the way can't even write good poetry in 1:00 in the afternoon. He usually works his best when he has been dumped by his girlfriend, and drunk out of his mind in 1:00 in the morning >.>

I haven't destroyed anything because the poem hasn't actually changed so thus I haven't done a thing besides give my opinion as a judge oh so does well. ANd I think that makes a line seem silly if you have the same end rhyme in your poem in the line that ends the end rhyme.


Well Yea, he takes all suggestions seriously, and the important thing was to keep the frame of the poem, which is why he decided to go with the wording like that. I had no intention of insulting you.
choazmachine
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choazmachine
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Nomad

Sorry I was grumpy and tired, lol. I knew you didn't mean what I thought you said after I posted that, a little late but stuff happens. Anyway vote for Valhalla for this weeks poetry, it'll be fun!

adrecka_33
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adrecka_33
304 posts
Peasant

DDX and Choazmachine, I really liked LuciferSatanis but I liked choazmachines better, its just based off of who is judging.

choazmachine
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choazmachine
1,044 posts
Nomad

Thanks adrecka! Vote for Valhalla for this weeks theme!

pickleshack
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pickleshack
356 posts
Nomad

Second Place! Thanks so much for the consideration. I was skeptical about placing, due to the shortness of my poem, it was actually adapted from a song I wrote a while back. Thanks again adrecka!

pickleshack
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pickleshack
356 posts
Nomad

so is Valhalla this weeks theme?

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
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Shepherd

A good theme would be. . .life.

pickleshack
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pickleshack
356 posts
Nomad

A good theme would be. . .life.


I agree with this, it has my vote.
adrecka_33
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adrecka_33
304 posts
Peasant

2 votes for life, 1 for valhalla.

Well I don't know if we have done life before, I dont think so. I like life, but i also think its a very broad topic. Which can be a good or bad thing. I'm still unsure what the theme should be. AHWWW being judge is HARD.
But I think this week the theme is....Life, sorry choazmachine. Maybe next week.

Life: Write about your life, your take on life, a life, how you should view life, ect....



I was skeptical about placing, due to the shortness of my poem


A poem is not judge by length, its judged by how good the words were how they flowed, the rhythm of the poem and how it creates a picture.

And choazmachine don't for get to post your poem Here and to tell ubertuna, so he can give you the merit.
Sssssnnaakke
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Sssssnnaakke
1,036 posts
Scribe

How about life as a dog. I guess someone thought "Whut?" on my poem. But at least I got an award!

nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,988 posts
Grand Duke

Life would be a giant of a topic. The judge would have a hard time deciding due to the wide variation. How about a smaller topic encompassed in life. Like the life of a specific person, your life etc.

adrecka_33
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adrecka_33
304 posts
Peasant

Life is a broad topic, but I think I can handle it. As long as everyone promises to not get mad over my choice

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