Water Flows down a river bed Creeping up onto a turtles head Silently dribbling down a waterfall Majestically dancing with the rocks It moves to the beat of the earth Hard and fierce as a sharkâs tooth Soft and light as a feather in the wind Water into the ocean Itâs a new song now With a new beat The beat of the moon In the sky Never moving Playing it cool Water rocking Killer song Killing in the water Thrashing all about The water is dead And the tide is rising The earth is angry And it sings high and loud Slapping noise on the shore People join in the song Screaming and running Away from the earthâs Song The water floats to the heavens Like a dove soaring in the sky It leaves the earth Itâs a new song now. The water rests on Rainbow beams And sits on clouds Weightlessly singing a new song Of peace Dripping on farmers Parched Fields Of R I C E Dripping Into Closed Minds Splashing Into P H O T O S Dripping onto Dying Plants That Once Were Green And giving hope to the world Through sound. Flows down a river bed Creeping up onto a turtles head Silently dribbling down a waterfall Majestically dancing with the rocks It moves to the beat of the earth Hard and fierce as a sharkâs tooth Soft and light as a feather in the wind; W a t e r
It was nice, but my impression was the poem could have flowed better. You had a pretty good one in the beginning, but it was slightly dampened with the more modernist approach you took towards the end.
Hey thanks for the open critizesm and nice ratings you guys! Here's another one I made, and it's NOT as long. LOL
Snowflake:
A snowflake pirouettes down from the sky Its iridescent patterns to complex for the human eye swirling falling never still as quiet as a butterfly's kiss it lands perched upon my window sill.
So could you re write it cause i know you copy and paste from Microsoft word. Or instead, copy and paste and get out all symbols please, i wanna rate it.
Very sentimental, with all positive shades of connotation. Very beautifully spontaneous. I have two things that I think you could work on though. The first is the second line, which is a little lengthy to the point of cumbersomeness. Perhaps a split would be best? Also, I think for the Snowflake poem you could do better for a final line and end with a better sense of finality.
Thanks You guys! I actually do Have another poem for you guys.
Lies You pushed me down deep slammed my face into a box locked it up tight I could not see you; you could see me. you could see the exit quite clearly. I could not. I searched for a hole, a single ray of light I found none. Was there an exit? Was there a key? Yes. You had it. Only you could open the box; only you knew the truth.
Didn't love it,Sorry I can't amaze and grace you of my poetry skills,I'm french and even though I'm bilingual I'm far from being as good in english as I am in french
For a free verse, your punctuation needed improvement, because it is all the more important in such a poem. I think you missed several commas and colons that could have made the dramatic effect much better.
