Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → RIN. An epic novel I am beginning to write. Enjoy.
| 11 | 2918 |
Well here is the Prologue what basically I am planning on putting on the back of the book to catch the interest of people. Tell me what you think about it.
Prologue
World War 3 has begun. The Human Alliance (Russia) is raging war against the America (Diseased Americans). They arenât sure if they should consider them zombies yet. They call them zombies but arenât completely secured about it. The Zombies used to be human but a case spread through America. They searched for the cure to cancer and soon a scientist found the cure for cancer. They quickly distributed it across the United States of America. The Americans quickly used it on the kids and adults that were condemned by cancer. The people were amazed because it did stop cancer. The problem started to show up after the people were cured. They began to die, it even got worse, they came back to life but they had gained the taste for human flesh. The Zombies quickly took over the U.S.A. and kept spreading all around North America. Soon the whole world had discovered that the U.S.A. had destroyed all of North America. The Russians sent a team of special units of intelligence (The SUI). Four planes were in the group on the trip to America to gain intelligence on the Zombies, to see if they were considered a threat across the Atlantic. The planes had made it to the U.S.A. They were taking pictures of buildings that appeared to be Zombie military bases over the skies of New Mexico. That is when the pilots of the planes were surprised; the zombies were working together to shoot them down. The zombies were a lot smarter than previously thought. The Zombies quickly shot down one of the planes with a carefully guided missile. The other plane kept going. It was shot down near Arizona by a different group of Zombies. It appears their were no survivors, but then again, nobody knowsâ¦
If you have any suggestions just let me know please.
- 11 Replies
hmm why is it that this sounds like a combo of I Am Legend, and some pro Russian propaganda?It was interesting enough except that the infection spread literally the same exact way as it did in I Am Legend.
Ya I guess I might be able to change it up a bit. I never thought about it being like I Am Legend though
CanIhazmoarzombie?
It is good plot I like it. The beginning when it's talking about the zombies could be revised a bit it sort of messes up the epicness your laying down. I can't write to save a dead cat as much a living one as well so I don't quite know what you'd put there, if it's even in need of change(it just reads weird to me).
I hope that isn't our future...
No. I've seen it before you human peoples get wiped out by the penguins and Sloths take your place as the dominant species, don't worry, you don't become Zombie.
I am still taking suggestions for the Prologue but I recently completed Chapter 1 of the story and I will take suggestions for this also.
RIN
Chapter 1
The Awakening
The explosion has hit my body. I can hear my heart beat slowing down. Explosions are going on all around. My comrades are yelling at me to get down. I quickly drop to the ground as the air in my lungs gets knocked out from a rolling body hitting my side with an enormous force. I yell,
âWhatâs going on?â
I continue to lie there on the ground by some seats. One of the medics is helping out a comrade that seems to have his leg wounded from one of the explosions. I look around as I see a dozen frightened faces scattered throughout the plane. Iâm starting to pass out from the quick fall in altitude we were all experiencing. Someone just got dragged out through the smashed up window that just had enough room for him. Weâre falling I realized as I began to become frightened. Iâm beginning to get dragged out of the plane by an unknown force of suction.
As Iâm falling from the sky I look up at the plane with my back facing the ground as I see the plane fly through the sky and crash into the ground about half a mile away. I feel the explosion engulf my entire body. I feel the air going through my hair at incredible speeds. It almost felt relaxed from the air flowing through my back as I fell hundreds of feet. I look up at the stars as I quickly became nauseous. Iâm beginning to black out again as blood begins to gush out of my nose. I hit the ground as a hard force impacted my spinal cord. Thereâs no time to witness the pain I was going through. Iâm blacking outâ¦
My wife and kids back home are running around at a park. We are all smiling looking like if we don't have a care in our lives. Iâm beginning to see some light through my eyelids. Iâm coming back.
âHey Rin! Wake up!â
âHuhâ¦. Whatâs going on?â I asked while awakening from my deep sleep.
âWe were shot down! Damn Americaâs canât respect anything in the skies these days.â
âShot down?â I asked in a surprised expression.
âYa! Why?â
âUhh. Sorry, I canât remember a thing. I canât remember my own nameâ¦â I said profoundly.
âDammit! Now what are we going to do! Weâre the only two that are here and thereâs nothing we can do except try finding a way back home.â
âCan I ask you a few questions?â I asked.
âGo ahead.â
I stood up real quick as if nothing had wrecked my body.
âCan you tell me my name?â I continued to ask I saw the expression on his face change from frightened to sad.
âWell. Iâm not sure what your name really is but I remember hearing someone call you Rin back on the plane.â
âSo Rin. And whatâs your name?â I continued to ask.
âMy nameâs Colt.â Colt mentioned really quickly as if he was getting annoyed of my continuous questions.
He began to walk and I followed a few steps behind him a little to the right.
âHey Colt? One more question?â I requested.
âI donât care. We got plenty of time.â Colt answered impatiently.
âWhat are we doing here?â I proposed, unhappy of the situation we were in.
âUmm⦠Well. We were supposed to come over here to the U.S. and spy on the Americans for that case or disease, whatever you want to call it, that has spread throughout the Americas. We were agents that were working for the queen way back in Russia. We flew our planes all the way down here and the people seemed to hate the fact that we were here and decided to shoot down one of our planes. We made it through and began to rise in altitude to get out of range of their weapons. We were retreating but we got shot down over Arizona when I last heard one of the pilots mention, âWhatâs going on here, this wasnât supposed to happen! We were supposed to be smarter than them!â
âI guess they just donât like us Russians.â Colt explained.
âI say we go back to the plane and see if there are any survivors and see if any weapons are still operational.â I responded.
As we both walked back to the crash, which was a few minutes away, I examined Coltsâ condition trying to see if I could see any extensive damage. He had ragged army clothes and had cuts all over his face. He seemed to be serious most of the time and had brownish goldish hair. He was wounded on his right shoulder and it didnât look like it was going to bleed much longer. He had his back straight up just like the army soldiers did back in World War 2 as he walked towards the plane. I looked at myself, as I seemed to be in the same condition with torn camo jeans. I continued to thoroughly examine my hands with all the cuts and wounded flesh that was bleeding only a little bit for the time being. I looked under my fingernails as I saw plenty of dirt to cause discomfort in my fingers.
We continued to walk as we reached the plane. We werenât saying much we just signaled each other with our hands as we searched the wrecked plane with a burning flame on the turbine engines. The look of our eyes explained our sorrow and we couldnât bring any words out of our mouths as we examined the area around the plane wreck. There were dead soldiers scattered throughout the area and we didnât need to explain much as we continued to search.
The smell of burning gasoline was strong in the air and the thick atmosphere made it almost impossible to breathe. We were searching in the pilots cabin now as time had been passing really slowly. We had proceeded through a small opening under a few chairs that had been broken off of where they were supposed to be and scattered throughout the plane. The plane was broken in half making easy access to the inside of the plane. One of the Pilots was still seated in the plane, attached to his seat by a tangled mess of wires and the slightly torn belt that was supposed to insure his survival. The other pilot seat was empty and the pilot was nowhere to be found. The front of the plane was smashed with the broken window that was in pieces in the front, as if the pilot was thrown out through the front and became obliterated as the plane rolled over him, a sick feeling trembled through my body as I thought about the mess that had occurred on this terrifying mess of a crash. I looked around and quickly found a small weapons case that was broken on the corner but not much damage to it. It was under the pilots seat as I pulled it out from under I mentioned,
âWhat are we going to do with this? We donât got enough weapons to get anywhere far.â Colt explained, a disappointed sound grumbling through his voice.
â We can search for a weapons store in the nearest city.â I said continuing to frown at the predicament we were in.
There was pause and then there was silence in this atmosphere. Not a sound was to be found.
âLets get going then. We got to find somewhere to spend the night before it gets dark.â Colt said breaking the silence.
I looked up at the sky it looked like it was around midday. It was possibly one in the afternoon.
âMake sure we search the area for any hostiles before getting up and personal in their faces. You know what I mean? Weâre still not sure about whatâs going on here. Are we?â I said trying to assess the situation.
âSorry but I do.â Saying it like if it was a curse to know. âThe Americans had found the cure for cancer as they thought.â He stared down at his black boots. Mud smeared over the front of his toes as if he was kicking mud around his backyard. He kicked his right foot out a little as he continued, âIt was working at first but soon the people that were happy to be cured began to die. The only problem was that the people didnât stay dead for long.â He paused again. I began to think that he was imagining what it couldâve been like.
One minute passed. He began where he left the story off. âWithin a few hours they would come back to life with the basic necessities that humans needed to survive. You know like breathing and living life. The one necessity that ruined it all was the fact that they needed to feed. They began to eat human flesh and any other animals they found. Then it began to spread. The poor creatures and people that were eaten came back to life also and began to feed on others and it was spreading very quickly throughout America. Soon the disease had infected all of North America and soon, South America was next. Thatâs where we are at now.â Colt explained. âThatâs exactly why we came down here. We came to see what we could learn about what was going on and thatâs when we were hit.â
We were walking for hours on end it seemed then we began to here noises. I quickly checked out the area. It was quite again. We were in a desert with dry yellow sand that stretched for miles. There were the occasional bushes and shrubs and there was a small hill ahead of us. We continued to walk hoping to find shelter soon. We were almost over the top of the hill when we continued to hear louder noises that were coming from the other side of the hill. We quickly dropped to our stomachs and dragged ourselves to the edge of the top.
We were behind some small shrubs that were scratching us real bad and were about six inches off of the ground. The fresh smell of water emitting from the thin leaves.
I pulled out some binoculars and looked over the edge. First I was looking at the sky, I quickly aimed down and saw a blurry image. I quickly realized that I had to focus them after not using them for several months. I began to focus them and a building began to take shape. There was what seemed to be an abandoned building. I began to examine it thoroughly. There was a flag over the base. It was black with five blue circles on it like on a dice with one in the middle and four on the corners. I looked at the front of the windowless building as I saw some movement. There were some people working on the front carrying a tied up body through the huge front steel door. The human that was being carried seemed familiar as if I had seen him before. I noticed that he was one of our comrades. He was wearing our camo colors and had the Russian Military emblem on his right shoulder.
âThey got one of our comrades tied up. He must be from one of the other wrecked planes.â I silently said to Colt.
âWhat can we do about it? We only got two guns⦠Itâs hopeless.â He replied quieter than I had talked.
Adrenaline began to flow through my veins and I began to be hyped up. I continued to examine the building forcing myself to ignore my adrenaline rush.
There were some guards doing their job; standing guard on the front. They had some big scary guns that would probably tear Colt and me down in less than a second.
I quickly looked at the people and now realized that these werenât the ordinary humans you would see walking around. They were all scarred up in the face and one seemed to be missing some fingers. They were a little green in the face and were oozing blood from the mouth. One of the ones that were carrying the body inside the building was missing his left leg from the knee down but somehow standing upright and hopping around while helping carry the body inside.
We seemed to be about thirty feet away, an easy running distance if we were spotted. I handed the binoculars over to Colt as he looked in a surprised expression. I asked,
âSo what do you want to do now?â
âSince these are zombies, should we call them zombies? I guess we can kill them. Their simple in the head arenât they?â Colt answered as a grin appeared on his face.
âI guess so.â I answered. I began to feel a little freaked out by the sudden evil happiness that had appeared in Colt.
âSo we just run in shooting. We both got these guns, this Ak-47 for me, you and your M16. We both got about 100 rounds or so, plus we both got our backup Colt .45âs. Iâm sure we can make our way through.â Colt said excitedly.
âWhat do we want to go through for? Canât we just go around?â I said surprised at his reaction to the situation.
âItâs just not fun and what if they follow us and there happens to be another base ahead. We would be surrounded and definitely be screwed overâ He said in a respectable tone.
âWell, I guess. We can also rescue our comrade that they took inside for who knows what reason.â I remembered his startled face as he was taken inside, âWe can also use more people for our team if we want to make it all the way back to Russia. He was dressed up in our camo clothes so he might be one of their prisoners from the other planes.â I said explaining to him what we were going to do.
âI guess we should go now since they only got two guards.â I continued.
âLets get going.â Colt whispered.
Please post any suggestions you can come up with.
Sorry about all the funny symbols. I don't know whats wrong with it. I tried it with word for the Prologue and then Wordpad for Chapter 1 and it cam out the same but you can decipher them if their quotation marks or commas and stuff like that. Apologies.
I don't want to be rude, but it was badly written, the events moved along to fast, and it started exactly the same as "I Am Legend".
So you want me to add more things to the story to make it longer and slower? and I'm trying to take the I Am Legend references out of the story.
Hmmm, yes it is quite choppy I think. A little more detail in the sentences perhaps, or combining some of the shorter, related ones.
I think I have a suggestion that may help, for this particular part at least...
He had...
He seemed...
He was
He had...
I looked...
I continued
I looked...
This is all pretty much(I think, symbols confuzzle me) from the same paragraph.
You began a lot of sentences with similar, well, beginnings, I think it'd roll through much easier if there were more diversity to every sentence?. It may help the problem to solving the choppiness, but how time plays I can't quite think of a way to solve that =O
Ty Raptor.
Oh Ya. I wanted to let you guys know that I didn't get my ideas for this novel from I Am Legend. I got them from Resident Evil Movies (Mostly Resident Evil Apocalypse and Resident Evil 4 the game and a couple of other zombie video games.
So you want me to add more things to the story to make it longer and slower?
Yes.
Also, pay attention to everything Raptor said...
You must be logged in to post a reply!