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Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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Hi guys! This is a prologue to my new story

My name is Li Kun. But you could call me Li.

People assume I got it all. That I have a Great family and a Great life. I'm confident, maybe over-confident. Still, that is what they think.

My surname is "Li". That is what makes the world press down on my shoulder. My clan, magic runs throught their veins. Everyone of them, except me.

What makes it harder is that I'm the only boy in our family, and I'm considered to be a DIRECT descendant from the inventor and teacher of magic. That means I have to keep the family's name in glory, and that is the only reason they have not yet completely banished me.

.........But how could I do that If I don't have magic?

Everytime, I felt like I was nobody. Like I'm the odd one out. "Kun" means universe. Perhaps I'm alone in my own universe.


I don't have any magical powers. I'm not like them...I'm...different. It never seemed quite fair. The only time I would feel close to my family was with pretending magic. Shooting a rock at a bale of hay and it catches fire. Of course I knew it was my father.

My family would always not let me go to social gatherings. They say "I'm too special". But deep inside I do know that they are only ashamed of me. They are too ashamed of their own son.


I covered up how I felt. I acted arrogant because I was afraid the others would sense my feelings and look at them as weaknesses. I wasn't like that all the time; sometimes I really did feel confident. Sometimes I just overlooked it and tried not to think about it...sometimes I was jealous, but after seeing how my family just rolled their eyes, I tried not to. I didn't want them to look down on me.

Now that I'm 10, My family is sending me to Japan, so that I can spend my "enlightment" there. It is our family tradition for a ten year old boy to finally receive all of the magic that he meant to have. They said that I should spend it in Japan just to "see something new". But I know they just want that to happen so that our relatives don't see how weak I am.

  • 33 Replies
SirNoobalot
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SirNoobalot
22,207 posts
Nomad

hungry for more...
nice story so far it keeps the reader interested.also hints of subplots make it even more amazing

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

It gets a bit confusing at the end of it, but I think I get it. Naiomi cant use magic either? right?

Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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It gets a bit confusing at the end of it, but I think I get it. Naiomi cant use magic either? right?


The narrator is Li kun. What he says is limited to what he *thinks* and knows. Paradoxes might happen.
CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
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Nomad

I like it. The rivarly with that hirotaka seems interesting. Maybe a showdown over the girl coming?

Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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Nomad

CHAPTER III: Continuation

"Huh what are you talking about Li kun? Not controlling elements? What are elements?" She lied once again.

"I hate people that lie, and don't worry its okay. I already know the secret of the elements, so you have not broken an oath*"

*You see, in the story people with magical powers cannot tell people without magical powers about magic, so magic remains a secret to society. Naomi was just trying to keep this a secret from Li kun because she thought that he did not know about magic because Li said the line "What element I use?"


"Huh?" she asked with curiosity.

"Its a long story."

Then when Naomi was about to speak, Yuu-Sensei called the two of us back. "Li Kun and Naomi back to the classroom. I hope you wouldn't do anything that stupid again."

"Yes Sensei!" we said in unison."

Yuu-sensei smiled and nodded affirmation.

"So, we're now Science. As I have announced last week, today I will pick partnerships for our science project. Please stand up as your name is called and go to your partner." Yuu-Sensei said as he reached out below his table, and his hands came back with a box full of sheets of paper.

"So he is our teacher in science too." I thought.

He shacked the box with the sheets of paper in it, and put his hands to get two at once. Once he did, he would call out names.

"Masumi-Rieka"

"Riyuko-Tzugumi"

"Hirotaka-Miu"

"Yuu-Sensei! Why do I have to be partnered with Miu? I don't want her. I want Naomi instead!"

"Hirotaka!" Yuu-Sensei shouted "Remember that this is fully random, and decision is permanent. Don't you dare question my authority."

"Yes sensei!" Hirotaka mumbled.

"So let me continue. Ahh! so it seems that Li and Naomi are going to be partners...."

"WHAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hirotaka standed and shouted " I demand a repick"

"Hirotaka!" sensei shouted again "Detention for one hour!"

"So were going to be partners?" I asked Naomi.
"I guess so." She said.

---------------------END FoR CHAPTER III---------------------

Comments are needed as before.

Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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Nomad

CHAPTER IV: The necessary power

"So guys, stand up, go to your partners and pick what your subject for the project will be." Sensei said, as he puts on his table the list of available subject. I stood up, with Naomi and my other classmates. We looked at the list. I hear lots of talking. They must be discussing about what subject to pick. But I heard a specific voice that stood up above the rest.

"Don't even think about doing something about Naomi when your doing the project." he said. I know exactly who this is.

"Don't worry, I won't."

I said. Hirotaka did not give any reply to me. After that though, I heard one voice I was longing to here. "How about this Li, turning juice, lemonade and tea to pure water and extract other ingredients present."

"That is a great idea Naomi. So do we do it at your house?"

"You, what do you want?" she said.

"I would want to go to your house, so I could know your parents. And besides, lots of things are still un-arranged in my house. Is that okay for you?"

"Sure she said."

So after that we went back to our respective seats. I waited until the day was finished. I waited long shot, but eventually the bell rang.

So I went outside the classroom, calling Chang through my phone.

"Chang, don't bother picking me up today. I'm going to a classmates house."

"Master, do you need the limo?"

"No Chang its okay. Just be sure to eat okay, your too industrious sometimes."

"Yes Master."

After that I turned my back to look for Naomi. There she was.

"Let's go Naomi" I said.

"Okay"

So we continued to walk downstairs, until were out of the building, and eventually out of the school.

"So where do you live?" I asked her

"Its not far from here, just going to make a right at the park."

"I've never seen a park here before, so this would actually also be a good time to know the place."

"Oh okay, the direction is right from here."

"My house is at the left, so that might be the reason I never saw the park."

So we continued to walk on the clean sidewalk, when two boys, about the same age as mine, stopped us.

"Naomi, Hirotaka asked us to get you." they said with a serious tone.

"Sorry guys, we still need to finish our project." she said grabbing my hand and continued to walk.

"Wait a minute here." the boy said, holding Naomi's shoulder. "Hirotaka asked us to get you. Can't you understand that, it is Hirotaka. And who is this guy your babysitter? hahaha!" They said with a childish voice.

"Hey get lost." I said, as I asked Naomi to stay behind me.

"Oh no! Mr. Babysitter is angry, what are you gonna do to us kid." They said, and they stepped closer to me, with their eyes looking at me directly.

"What are you planning to do to him?" Naomi went in front of me and stared at them.

The boys started to walk away.

SirNoobalot
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SirNoobalot
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suspense..... maybe Li Kun has a hidden power unleashed by rage???

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Shepherd

I beg of you, LET ME EDIT IT!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Good ideas, but still a bit blurry.

Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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Nomad

I beg of you, LET ME EDIT IT!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Good ideas, but still a bit blurry.


Huh? Could you message me in my profile and add more details about this? I can't fully understand.

Oh and....

CHAPTER IV: Continuation

"Huh, so your gonna protect your babysitter now Naomi?" the boys said as they walked away.

"Naomi what did you do them?" I said. "They were there, ready to strike me at any given moment, but once you spoke, they ran off."

"Don't mind it Li kun, it is not important. Although we still have a project to make, Hirotaka might wanted me for something urgent. Can you cover it up and do it alone?" she said sadly.

"I suppose I could but...." I speaked when she suddenly hugged me.

"Thank you Li kun, I will repay you someday." she hurriedly ran away.

"Bye." I waded.

I then went back a few steps, so that I can go to my house. My house was on the left turn, hers was to the right.

It wasn't long before before I saw the mansion. I was a few blocks away when the two boys I saw a while ago confronted me again.

"So little guardian angel is not here anymore!" teased the first boy.

"Sorry guys, I have no business with you." I said as I continued walking.

"You do have a business with us."

He quickly punched my stomach, and rendered me unconscious.
Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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Nomad

CHAPTER IV: The Necessary Power
Continuation

I don't know where I am, and why they have done this to me....

It was dark and there was no sufficient light for I to see the surroundings around me or even to see myself or even my hands. The air around me was stuffy and smelled dust. My stomach where the boys hit me felt like burning hell.

Then I saw in the not too distant some rays of light. I saw shadows, and eventually Life.

"Hi Li Kun! How did you like your stay here?" A boy said gently. He stepped closer to me, and revealed himself to be Hirotaka

"What the f*ck do you think your doing to me Hirotaka" I shouted at that face. If only my hands were not tied so tightly, I could punch him in the face. But instead, I was the one that was punched by one of his assistants. The knuckle hit me point-blank, It was blinding.

"Don't you dare speak to me with that kind of tone." He said

After he said this, I heard footsteps outside, getting closer and closer. I also heard guards trying to stop it, but couldn't.

"Hirotaka!" a girl shouted. It was Naomi.

"What are you doing here Naomi! I told you to stay there!" Hirotaka said.

"Hirotaka you said you wouldn't hurt him if I come without resisting." Naomi said.

"Are you trying to question Hirotaka, Naomi!" one of Hirotaka's assistants said as he grabbed Naomi's hair.

"Mizuki, do not hurt Naomi!" Hirotaka shouted as he grabbed Mizuki's arm. (Mizuki is a boy!)

After looking at the slight commotion, I returned my attention to Naomi. Droplets of water filled her eyes. She was crying, and what a sad face she had made.

"I can't believe you Hirotaka, lying to me! You said you wouldn't hurt any of my friends if I came to you." She said.

"What! He is your friend now!" Hirotaka replied with a voice louder than Naomi's.

"Only because your the strongest Magic user Hirotaka, It doesn't mean you can bully everyone."

.................END...............................................

SirNoobalot
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SirNoobalot
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the end????????? lots of loose ends... why?!?!??? * dramatic pause and sobbing*

Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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the end????????? lots of loose ends... why?!?!??? * dramatic pause and sobbing*


No, It meant the end for Chapter IV
SirNoobalot
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SirNoobalot
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* gasp* thats good =D. what is that place a secret torture room????

Secretmapper
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Secretmapper
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I still have free time, So I decided to continue....

CHAPTER V: The will of the mind

"Only because your the strongest Magic user Hirotaka, It doesn't mean you can bully everyone."


"So Hirotaka has Magic?????"

All my life I've feelt inferior, thinking I wasn't good enough, that all I was was a disappointment. But time goes by and I started to forget about it.

But her line made my feelings explode. So, I fail at everything just because I don't have magic.

I was thinking at this for a moment, staring at the little stones on the room's hard ground, when one of Hirotaka's assistant grabbed my chin and held it high, pointing my head's direction to Hirotaka. "Stupid Li Kun. Now because of you, Naomi is crying. Throw him at the street. I don't want to see him anymore."

"Yes Hirotaka!" his assistants, Mizuki if I am not mistaken, said, and punched me in the stomach, again, rendering me unconscious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up, lying in a sofa. As I looked around me, I saw that I was inside a room, having green painted walls, and a table near me. It was sombody's house. I got up the sofa, and noticed my bandaged body.

I scanned the room for any signs of life. Out of another room, a girl came out saying "Oh your awake!"

"Who are you?" I asked

"My name is Tamika. I am Naomi's best friend."

"Naomi!" I shouted as I heard her name. I was about to stand up when Tamika stopped me.

"Don't worry Li, Naomi has already went home. I saw you in the street. What happened to you. Why are you beaten up and full of bruises?" she asked me as she walks from the other room to me, carrying with her a basin.

I told her the whole story, then after that I changed the topic and said "Your Naomi's best friend? Then you must be telling each other your secrets. Can you tell me why Hirotaka is acting like that?"

She stopped for a moment, slightly startled. She barely held the basin in place of her hands.

She sat on the sofa and placed the basin on the table. "Its a long story." she said, as she damps a wet cloth in my forehead.

"What is this long story?" I asked her.

She stopped once again, staring at the still water in the basin. She spoke, and said "Hirotaka is also a transfer student like you Li Kun, but he transferred at the start of the school year, unlike you, transferring at the middle of the school year. He leads an alliance, and that might also be the group that tortured you. You see, Hirotaka is the most powerful Fire elemental user in the city. He used his power to get what he wanted. Then the fateful day he met Naomi. I won't forget that, Hirotaka asked Naomi out. Hirotaka asked and asked, but Naomi would always reject him. It was then Hirotaka frenzied. He wanted Naomi, and there was no one to stop him. The day after that, Naomi had a sudden change of attitude. The once cheerful and energetic Naomi had become a sleepy and shy one. I asked her what was the matter, and she said she 'lost'. It was some minutes before I realized what she meant. She lost to a magical battle..."

"Magical battle?" I asked her.

"You see, Naomi is a fire elemental user too."

...To be continued

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Shepherd

Good introduction of the backstory. Nice updates, your writing improves every update. On the last paragraph, you should split it in half, You don't have to, it is fine without it, but It would make it a wee bit easier to read.

She stopped once again, staring at the still water in the basin. She spoke, and said, "Hirotaka is also a transfer student like you Li Kun, but he transferred at the start of the school year, unlike you, transferring at the middle of the school year. He leads an alliance, and that might also be the group that tortured you. You see, Hirotaka is the most powerful Fire elemental user in the city. He used his power to get what he wanted.
"Then the fateful day he met Naomi. I won't forget that, Hirotaka asked Naomi out. Hirotaka asked and asked, but Naomi would always reject him. It was then Hirotaka frenzied. He wanted Naomi, and there was no one to stop him. The day after that, Naomi had a sudden change of attitude. The once cheerful and energetic Naomi had become a sleepy and shy one. I asked her what was the matter, and she said she 'lost'. It was some minutes before I realized what she meant. She lost to a magical battle..."

Yeah it just spaces it out so you don't lose track of where you are. Keep it up

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