Forums → The Tavern → [nec] I need some help here, AG...
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hey, AGers. not sure how many of you remember me, it's been months.
anyway, i have a problem and was hoping i could get some help from you guys. i'll start with the backstory...
i recently got my first job. nothing big, just a part-time job at a local fast-food joint called "bill's burgers." not a terribly creative name, but they serve pretty good food.
anyway, all was good and well. i got paid decently, and the manager liked me, and i was maintaining my school and social life. nothing extraordinary.
and then came the new chick.
oh my gosh, the new chick. she applied a couple weeks back. she was the most breathtakingly beautiful girl i'd ever seen. sarah levins. wasn't that tall, but she had this really long, wavy brown hair, down far past her shoulders, and these big blue eyes, and man if they weren't expressive. and you should have SEEN her body, it'd make any guy drool. in short, this girl. was. HOT. hot as hell.
now of course, the first thing i think is "**** yes! this is the girl i'm gonna make my move on." of course, i'm not terribly social, and meeting new people is fairly awkward for me as it is, so this was merely passing thought.
anyway, a few weeks passed, and we hardly talked, save for sometimes asking for a hand around the workplace. but one saturday, i took a break for lunch, and there sarah was.
continued...
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so, i sat in a chair behind her to eat my lunch. ham sandwich. a good one mind you.
she turns around around though, and says to me, "hey. seen you around, funny thing we don't talk more."
now, my ears had been trained to know it wasn't her talking to me. so i ignored her. "hey, i said!" she poked me.
i jumped up and dropped my sandwich on the table. "oh, hey," i said, garbled. *facepalm.* "i, uh, see you're eating salmon there."
"oh, yeah, i love salmon. it's real good for you. i mostly eat healthy things, you know, berries, nuts, the like."
"yeah, i like food too." *headdesk*
so we talked a little more. small talk. she had her phone out, which i noticed was exactly the same model as mine. after that, we didn't talk the rest of the week.
then, that following week, it happened. she was cleaning up. and she bent over while she was cleaning up. in her v-neck t-shirt. of course, my lustful guy mind immediately thought to take a picture of the, uh, sunrise, one could say. so i took it on my phone and sent it to my best friend, john.
and john replied. something to the effect of "wow man thats HOT!!!! whos dat?" to which i replied "sarah levins. and yes. she is very, very hot." after that, i just put my phone on sleep and left it in the back room, where we keep the rest of our stuff.
what a day to put my phone right next to sarah's, who hasd the exact same phone. how smart of me. i guess she tried to check her phone and saw my message about her instead on mine.
oh. ****.
all she did was come up to me ovr the counter, with this cold look in her eyes. "next time, you might want to bear in mind what you leave up on your phone."
and then it hit me like a semi truck hitting a small, adorable animal.
she was eating salmon.
she likes natural foods, like nuts and berries.
she told me to bear in mind what i leave up on my phone.
sarah levins was a bear disguised as a human.
well, i guess she saw the realization in my eyes, because she almost immediately swiped at me with her massive death claws. i ran backwards, for the freezer, the nearest door in sight, as she tore through the counter with hardly any effort. i ran behind some frozen patties, knocking over boxes as i went, but the bear simply destroyed and devoured whatever was in her way. i doubled around, back through the wreckage of the counter, and through the crowd of people. the tank-like mammal swiped her doom claws at any passerby, knocking them feet away. I thought to cut through the elementary school playground next door, perhaps to find safety. i hopped the fence as the bear ripped right through it, and ran through the sea of children. the bear was on my heels, tearing through the children relentlessly, trying to attack me. i turned around to see what was happening, only to see child after child being knocked many feet aside, in a frenzy of screaming and running. i made it to the play area. i thought to jump across the monkey bars and onto the main building, to maybe flag down a helicopter.
i'm on top of the building now, and the bear will be here any minute. what do i do, AG?
Look for a weapon. If there is no weapon, look for a soft landing on to the ground so the bear either jumps off, or goes back down again giving you a head start!
Hey Manta how's it goin'?
*sees thread*
Oh so that's what's been going on. So I assume you want help as to how to dig yourself out of the 6-feet hole you caused? Right? Cause it's obvious you want to date this chick don't you? ;D
1. Casually spur conversation with her.
2. Apologize, apologize, apologize.
3. Wait a bit. A couple days.
4. Repeat step 1.
5. Gradually get more involved with her.
6. As you get more involved with her, review the signs Yours Truly listed if she has a thing for you.
7a. If the above signs are positive, you may have a shot.
7b. If negative, it's best to just either stay as friends, or continue with step 5 and 6 to see if anything once negative shifts. If good stuff changes for the better, try step 7a.
*stays tuned for more drama*
well, there's a signpost here, i could use tha-
...it just went in the building.
i think it's... the whole building's rumbling.
the bear learned stairs, AG.
the bear. learned. stairs.
JUMP! you must jump now Manta, because even if you die this way, its better than being mauled and/or eaten by the bear.
Getting mauled by a hot chick, who's really a bear in disguise. There's something else here. Go with a bluff, just yell something like "I KNOW YOUR TRUE SECRET!"
If that doesn't work...well you saw what happened to those cute little children who were recently tore down by some kind of shape shifting weirdo...
Haha, very entertaining! You should admit to being a [insert mildly insult term for a dummy here]. Then have a friend take an embarrassing photo of yourself, print it out and give it to her with an apology.
Then just tell her the truth! Let her know you though she was beautiful and sexy and your hormones took over your brain. She'll laugh and then forgive you. If she doesn't...well. SOL.
SPENCER. THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU DAMMIT WELCOME BACK
Anyway, since the bear's learned stairs, you're going to have to get more inventive. Flee to the nearest mall. Perplex it with the down escalator. Run! Go! Before the sexy bear catches you!
Wow...that would be...a very awkward situation.
Just make sure she doesn't see this. I mean, you used her full name and called her a bear. Yikes O_O
lol the end is really unexpected. really well made
You can always slap her and say "*****, know your place!" jk jk don't do that.
You just have to get over her.
Freakenstein's steps are pretty good, but the it might be hard for even step 1, and this whole process could take months. You might say "hey" and she would likely say "Buzz off", or "Get lost perv." I would suggest attempting to talk to her every now and then and make it sound apologetic when you ask. If she does manage to listen to you, then you go to step 2, but I wouldn't apologize to much, some people hate that, see her reaction and if it lightens a bit then apologize again and end the conversation unless she says otherwise. Then I personally would just kinda say hey to her off the side everyday or so but not try and talk to her, always look apologetic around her, make her talk to you, in short make her feel pity or mercy, this will be no easy take and I never said she would do it, if she doesn't ever show a hint of pity just try what freakenstein said, cause you'd need a huge master plan to get out of it and you don't have much more to loose
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