I want a poem thread. I already have a haiku thread, soo... Anyway, this is my poem thread. And no, unless you have specific permission from me to post your own poems, I'd rather you didn't. Only comments. Only VIPs get to post their poems on my thread here.
Here's my first poem. Please tell me what you think.
The Most Complicated Emotion at its Best 05/02/11
Terrible storms of wrath, out bursts a sudden laugh, tumultuous cries of pain, a hard put struggle for whats left, a path to peace instead of self gain, this is the most complicated emotion at its best.
Strong raptures of passion, intermittent effects that are lasting, inexpressible desires, a resolution that never tires, powerful enough to bend a nation, at times calm, at times patient, when put to the test, this is the most complicated emotion at its best.
Resolutions incorruptible even unto death, this is the most complicated emotion at its best!
Your last poem is alright, I think. In the first stanza, the rhyming seems forced almost, and its simply. In the second stanza, 'incessantly' and 'incorrectly' don't rhyme, yet 'shout' and 'about' do. The message it sends is a good one, so you have no problem picking good topics to write about.
Overall your poems are pretty good. I like them, though I like your shorts even more. Keep it up.
You're first poem is really good. I'll just critic the first stanza though. The other ones don't need it.
Terrible storms of wrath, out bursts a sudden laugh, tumultuous cries of pain, a hard put struggle for whats left, a path to peace instead of self gain, this is the most complicated emotion at its best.
It's a good stanza. it's a really good stanza. The rhymes are great and the imagery is excellent, but the second line seems to be out of place. You talk about storms of wrath then burst of laughter and you then talk about cries of pain. How does the second line link to the first and third line? It sort of makes sense whit the stanza as a whole put even then it's slightly confusing. Other than that the rest of the poem was great. You other poems are good to. Keep on writing!
Oh and just a question. Are people on the Reliable Righters list allowed to post their poems here?
Thank you for your insight, Deathopper! I know that first poem was kind of off. Oh well! Spur of the moment. And yes, to answer your question, Reliable Righters are allowed to post their poems here. And now that you bring that to my attention, only Reliable Righters may post their poems here in this thread. Unless, I say otherwise. Thank you for asking.
Here it is. It's a sonnet, but I don't know what name to give it. I guess I'll call it
The Fallen King
These ideas marching in my head Are what is changing this world. And as I lie on my bed From it I am suddenly hurled.
'What is the meaning of this!' I shout. 'It is the population, they demand a revolution' said my fair maiden And I the King of France am filled without doubt. I shall fight with bravery until I am taken.
And as I wait for my final hour And as my final breath is expired I am mocked by my population who are now just greedy for power! And my head is detached, as of what was desired.Â
And as I waited, I grew angrier. And I felt ashamed. This is how an absolute monarchy shall fall and I am to be blamed. ----------
My only problem is that it fast forwards a bit were the king is captured. This is a sonnet and I couldn't change it because it wouldn't be sonnet anymore.
Thank you Deathopper! I love your poems! I really would love to put some of mine here too, but I just don't have the time to sit down and write them. Maybe when school starts again...
You really like them! You honestly really like them? I always think they're bad. Well here's another one.
I was wishing for this day Where I no longer have to stay All alone in this lifeless town.  Â
I am now finally free From these invisible shackles that were keeping me From reaching my hopes and dreams Who were then just faint gleams.
But should I run away? In secrecy, leaving my loved ones to ponder About my whereabouts as I wonder Around the world, or should I just stay?
But then I will be treated the same The sky will again gain a thick layer of gloom My hand shall rest in these shackles once more. I will have to suffer great pain. My hopes and dreams may never bloom.
And as I a amble away Nostalgia will eventually find a way To pull me back to my horrid life And the sky shall again gain a thick layer of gloom.Â
I might start my own thread when I'll get better at poetry. But for now I'll post some of them here.
Yay, Deathopper! I love your poems! They have such a dark feel to them! That's what I specialize in, writing dark stories. so, your dark poems go well IMO.
Yay. Here's a short poem: Happy is what I think of when I see your smile. Perfect is what I think of when I see your face. It's been a while, since I've heard you laugh. I just want a little taste, so like in the sun, I can bask.
