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Moon's Metrophobia

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 1:23am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

9,474 posts

It's a bit sadistically humorous to read your last two poems as one.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 1:26am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,421 posts

It's a bit sadistically humorous to read your last two poems as one.

oh god i didn't even see that wow good job on pointing that out

I'm not a serial killer I swear to god
 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 1:30am

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

I'm not a serial killer I swear to god


It's ok Moon, we won't judge.

I like especially the "RE RE RE RE REVIVE" post poem. I think you nailed it in regards to the rhetorical questions at the end. They flow quite nicely with each other.
 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 1:33am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,421 posts

Mav are you trying to get back at me for your thread > >

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 1:47am

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

I'm not quite sure I understand what you're saying.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 1:51am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

9,474 posts

wow good job on pointing that out

I'm just picturing you outstretching your hand to someone which they then clasp in their own as you both blissfully skip to a small, cozy cabin beside a lakeshore. As a crimson sunset shines through the window while you slowly dance as one, you silently lift a dagger from a nearby table and plunge it repeatedly into your companion's chest.
 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 1:55am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,421 posts

I'm just picturing you outstretching your hand to someone which they then clasp in their own as you both blissfully skip to a small, cozy cabin beside a lakeshore. As a crimson sunset shines through the window while you slowly dance as one, you silently lift a dagger from a nearby table and plunge it repeatedly into your companion's chest.


I'm not that evil D:

But it would make for a good book story thing
 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 2:13am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

9,474 posts

I'm not that evil D:

We don't know what you're capable of. I certainly wasn't expecting a bloodlust poem from you; maybe from wolf, but not from you. Your poems often seem so whimsical and light, and if there is something heavy, there's a strong buildup to it. But this time, you sent it so casually. As casually as "I ate his liver with a side of fava beans *sucking hiss*."

But it would make for a good book story thing

Tragedies do seem quite popular, especially those told from experience... *dramatic music*
 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 2:21am

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

He shot me, and my dreams were shattered glass...
Who knows why he did this?
I cannot see if this pain will pass.
Ruining my perfect balance of bliss.
Come, Come away...
With me
Lets be together
Forever
We will thrive in our glee
Free to love
Free to be
The only future that I can see
Is where you are by my side
Cause you came with me.
Blood drips
from your head down to the floor.
Looking around me
It is a blood fest galore.
Can't run away
Cause the smell is so inviting
Can't stall or delay
The taste is so delighting.


I think you naturally insert common themes into your stuff. I doubt you even realize it, or at least that's how you allude in your responses to Emp (which were funny as hell). I could point out how the theme here is love and its evils (or I just did, rather), or I could find another example of this natural theme insertion. Or I'll do both.

Just a little more.
We are almost there.
Just one step outside the door
And we can get a breath of fresh air.

So long have we have had to wait
Too much pain,
We have had to take.
Such a burden
Is not wise.
Because there's no doubt
That it lead's to your demise.

Someone has to do it.
Might as well be me.
Who else can shoulder,
Such a responsibility?

So now you and I
Should part this destructive trail.
For if you continue much longer,
I'm afraid that you might fail.

Just leave now,
So you can live your life.
I can handle this pain,
You don't need to have such strife.


There. From the very first page. You've been doing this for a while.

Also I've apparently been here before.
 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 2:24am

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

As casually as "I ate his liver with a side of fava beans *sucking hiss*."


Don't forget the glass of Chianti.
 
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