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Science Jokes

Posted Oct 7, '12 at 8:34pm

pokemonrocks126

pokemonrocks126

215 posts

One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. "Jump frog, jump!" he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, "Frog with four legs jumps two feet."
Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. "Jump, jump!" To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, "Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet."
Next, he removed a second leg. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, "Frog with two legs jumps one foot."
Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. "Jump, jump!" The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, "Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet."
Finally, he eliminated the last leg. "Jump, jump!" he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. "Jump frog, jump!" he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, "Frog with no legs goes deaf

lol

ive got some

(1) if something can go wrong, it will do so just before your grant is up for review; (2) if the reading on your detector is correct, then you have forgot to plug it in; (3) if several things can go wrong then they will do so all at the same time; (4) if nothing can go wrong with your experiment, something still will; (5) left unto itself, your experiment will go from bad to worse; on the other hand, if you pay attention to the experiment then it will take three times longer to complete than you thought it would; (6) Nature is both subtle and malicious (Murphy stole this one from Albert Einstein); (7) a straight line will never fit your data, and using a wiggly line will result in the rejection by referees of the publication of work; (8) if you make a great discovery today, you will find a major error in your methods tomorrow (experienced experimentalists call this effect "here today, gone tomorrow"); (9) in contrast to a radio, banging your apparatus when you are at peak frustrat

The most important thing to learn in Chemistry is to never lick the spoon.

There are lots of excellent endings to this one. Last words of a chemist: ... and now for the taste test.

there you go

 

Posted Oct 8, '12 at 3:14pm

skydragon720

skydragon720

274 posts

There are lots of excellent endings to this one. Last words of a chemist: ... and now for the taste test.

Oh no. Thats terrible, but funny!

 

Posted Oct 8, '12 at 8:13pm

SSTG

SSTG

10,763 posts

Knight

Chemistry student:
"Professor what should I do with this Nitro glycerine bottle?"

Distracted professor: " Throw it here."
:O

Lab worker: "I safely strapped the zombie to the table, he's trying to say something but I can't hear, I'll get closer, still can't hear, I lean over."

that was the last entry in his journal. xD

 

Posted Oct 9, '12 at 12:33am

lindzasaurusrex

lindzasaurusrex

9 posts

What do you call a policeman?
>>Copper.

What do you call a funny criminal?
>>Silicon.

What do you do with dead scientists?
>>Barium.

What is the fattest element?
>>Americium.

What is the most snobbish of elements?
>>Francium.

What do you get when you split a Holmium atom?
>>Hafnium.

I opened a a jar of what I thought was peanut butter, instead it was full of lead.

 

Posted Oct 9, '12 at 2:44pm

bobawesome

bobawesome

86 posts

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
because if you cant helium or curium, you barium.

 

Posted Oct 9, '12 at 5:50pm

Armpit

Armpit

655 posts

"i" before "e" except after "c" has been disproved by science.

 

Posted Nov 16, '12 at 5:31pm

Mosi91

Mosi91

66 posts

As kids in a parallel universe where the story fits the timeline;
little Newton, Einstein and Pascal played hide-and-seek.
When it was Einstein's turn to search the two others, he couldn't see hidden Pascal, but he quickly found Newton, because he just stood there in front of him, only having drawn a square around his feet. When Einstein told him that he successfully found him, Newton denied: "No my dear Albert, it's not me who you found. You found 1 Newton per square meter, which means you found one Pascal."

 

Posted Nov 16, '12 at 7:49pm

xXxDAPRO89xXx

xXxDAPRO89xXx

3,549 posts

Most of these are just puns but still funny ^_^

 

Posted Nov 17, '12 at 7:24pm

dr_doughnut

dr_doughnut

72 posts

How often do I make science jokes? Answer:Periodically.

 

Posted Nov 17, '12 at 7:33pm

Cranium80

Cranium80

460 posts

A physicist, a biologist and a chemist go to the beach one sunny day. Once there, the physicist looks out at the ocean and says, "Wow, what an excellent opportunity to study wave mechanics!". He heads out in to the water, gets caught in a rip tide and promptly drowns.

the Biologist looks out at the ocean and says, "Wow, what an excellent opportunity to study the under water ecosystem!" The biologist also wades out into the water and drowns.

The chemist sees this, thinks for a moment, then pulls out his notebook and writes "Physicists and Biologists are soluble in water"

 
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