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PerryKid
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PerryKid
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8)

I would tell you a good chemistry joke, but all of the ones that I had ARGON.

Feel free to post some more.

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1zth
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1zth
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http://chzscience.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/albert-5.jpg?w=433

1zth
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1zth
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LOL its from Skyrim

Mosi91
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Mosi91
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--->push ... nobody out there with some science jokes?

But hey, I heard that lately a hydrogen atom came running into a police station asking for help...:
Hydrogen atom: Help me! Someone stole my electron!
Policeman: Are you really sure?
Hydrogen atom: Yes, I'm positive...
Policeman: Oh, I thought you were just being negative again.

Sauron23
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Sauron23
275 posts
1,145

Did you hear about the largest organism ever?

He's a fun guy.

Darkroot
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Darkroot
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@1zth If only, the neutrino got bad measurements to the knee.

It is not a bug but a feature.

Mosi91
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Mosi91
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Just found this sensational one:

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"

The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".

The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".

Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"

Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."

The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".

Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".

Medical Student: "4"
All others looking astonished: "How did you know ??"
Medical Student: "I memorized it."

Mycal101
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Mycal101
307 posts
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A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Mosi91
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Mosi91
70 posts
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What is Pi?

Mathematician: The number Pi is a mathematical constant that is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.

Physicist: Pi equals 3,1415927 plus/minus 0,00000005.

Engineer: Pi is approximately 3.

TheMostManlyMan
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TheMostManlyMan
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Johnny was a chemist's son but Johnny but Johnny is no more, what Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Skulltivator
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Skulltivator
638 posts
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Endothermic reactions? I learned about those before they were cool.

kellynmcfinch
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kellynmcfinch
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jokes eh?

Skulltivator
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Skulltivator
638 posts
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jokes eh?


No. What gave you that idea?
mdv96
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mdv96
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What's the chemical formula for iron oxide?

I don't know, my chemistry is a little rusty!

skydragon720
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skydragon720
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One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. "Jump frog, jump!" he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, "Frog with four legs jumps two feet."

Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. "Jump, jump!" To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, "Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet."

Next, he removed a second leg. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, "Frog with two legs jumps one foot."

Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. "Jump, jump!" The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, "Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet."

Finally, he eliminated the last leg. "Jump, jump!" he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. "Jump frog, jump!" he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, "Frog with no legs goes deaf."


What's the chemical formula for iron oxide?
I don't know, my chemistry is a little rusty!


SNORT!SNORT!

pokemonrocks126
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pokemonrocks126
639 posts
320

One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. "Jump frog, jump!" he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, "Frog with four legs jumps two feet."
Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. "Jump, jump!" To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, "Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet."
Next, he removed a second leg. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, "Frog with two legs jumps one foot."
Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. "Jump, jump!" The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, "Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet."
Finally, he eliminated the last leg. "Jump, jump!" he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. "Jump frog, jump!" he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, "Frog with no legs goes deaf


lol

ive got some

(1) if something can go wrong, it will do so just before your grant is up for review; (2) if the reading on your detector is correct, then you have forgot to plug it in; (3) if several things can go wrong then they will do so all at the same time; (4) if nothing can go wrong with your experiment, something still will; (5) left unto itself, your experiment will go from bad to worse; on the other hand, if you pay attention to the experiment then it will take three times longer to complete than you thought it would; (6) Nature is both subtle and malicious (Murphy stole this one from Albert Einstein); (7) a straight line will never fit your data, and using a wiggly line will result in the rejection by referees of the publication of work; (8) if you make a great discovery today, you will find a major error in your methods tomorrow (experienced experimentalists call this effect "here today, gone tomorrow"); (9) in contrast to a radio, banging your apparatus when you are at peak frustrat

The most important thing to learn in Chemistry is to never lick the spoon.


There are lots of excellent endings to this one. Last words of a chemist: ... and now for the taste test.


there you go
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