I took a massive chance today by asking the guy I like out, via Facebook.
Unfortunately the Facebook page only has his city and state, and literally nothing else. So while I wait for a response that most likely will never come, I'd like to ask you guys how to cope with rejection. Whether it's someone telling you flat out no, or just walking away and leaving you empty inside, what do you do so that the crippling sadness doesn't get to you?
I try not to have such high expectations (re, realistic hopes, though not to the point of sullen pessimism), so if rejection occurs, I leave in one piece, and if my hopes are fulfilled, I feel particularly happy. I can't really speak about matters of the heart though, Lady Luck might have an eye out for me, but I have yet to taste the bitter sting of rejection love-wise.
Ahh, rejection. The best thing I do to cope with rejection, or prepare for it, is to tell myself I knew it all along. Sometimes you gotta tell yourself to be casual about things, and try not to take it too hard you know?
This is the first time I ever asked anyone out. Personally, if I don't keep high expectations I automatically presume the worst and slip into depression again, lol. It's only been 3 hours since I wrote him, but it feels like it's been 12, and I was beginning to lose hope until I decided to research whether or not you can see if someone read your message. Luckily he hasn't, so I haven't been silently rejected yet, but I can't help but feel like the rejection is imminent (or he never reads the message, which due to his personality and his lack of information/anything on his profile, I feel is a very very strong possibility. Which is much worse than rejection, since I have no other way to contact him)
Ahh, rejection. The best thing I do to cope with rejection, or prepare for it, is to tell myself I knew it all along. Sometimes you gotta tell yourself to be casual about things, and try not to take it too hard you know?
That's been my line of reasoning my entire life. Unfortunately, thinking you never have a chance at love tends to make it hard to get the courage to try and ask someone out.
You should only tell yourself you knew it all along after it happens. Being casual does not affect courage, in any form. From what I've learned about asking people out and things like that is, if you know you don't look as handsome as you want to be, you should at least show appeal and confidence. It actually matters just as much as looks.
Just remember that by asking him out, you win either way. If he says yes, then you'll be happy. If he says no you'll be temporarily sad, but you'll also be able to stop worrying about this one person and you could potentially find someone new. You'll be able to focus on other things/people instead of one who doesn't like you, which is a good thing.
@pickpocket I mean, I still worry about one of the girls I asked out. She is still one of my best friends and I would do anything for her. You do get over the person given a certain amount of time but I think there is always that small part there that still loves them in that way.
Anyway, I have been rejected twice when asking people out, rejected multiple times for internships. Obviously asking someone out and getting rejected hurts more than an internship. The first time I asked a girl out was about 2 years ago now. Unlike Nicho I have **** luck and she just started a relationship like a day before. Hurt a bit but I understood and it was obviously a great reason. The second time hurt more because it was a girl I had a crush on for 7 years. Sadly she said no do to distance reasons and I was pretty sad after that. Finally got over it after about a month or two but it still sorta hurts to this day.
I don't know if this will help, since it's not romantic rejection. But in philosophy (or any academic field, really), it's really hard and frustrating to get published. You work for months and months on a paper and then wait for months and months to hear back and the vast majority of the time you get rejected.
It's easy to let these rejections really bring you down. To think that the paper was rejected because you suck - as a writer, as an academic, and as a person.
I guess what I'm saying here is that the fear of rejection isn't really a fear of rejection. It's a fear of what rejection will make you feel about yourself. But being rejected doesn't have to be a reflection on you. And even if it does (let's say that the person doesn't find you attractive - or in my case that the journal thinks my paper is terrible), that just means that that's not the right person (or journal) for you.
In short - it's okay to be uncomfortable with rejection. But don't let getting rejected reflect on you as a person. Also, be careful of asking out people online, just as an aside.
Agreed, rejection and courage come from different sources. The fear of rejection is like the fear of the dark, you're afraid of the other things that come along with them, not rejection/dark itself. You fear what might be in the dark, like how you fear what will happen if you get rejected. Courage however, comes from strong will. Rejection also comes with success, you just have to keep striving towards your goal, no matter how many times you are set back.
