You might know of Calvinball from Calvin and Hobbes fame, the game where you make up rules as you go along. I’ll let someone else try a purer version of Calvinball elsewhere, but in this version, we have a few ground rules to help make it playable online.
But don’t fret. It’s suitably complicated, and the rules can change! Maybe Calvin as a teenager would appreciate this revision.
The basic premise of Calvinball Redux is the one team (the Calvins) must score a goal against the other team (the Hobbers). How exactly that happens can be chaotic and unpredictable.
At the beginning of each new match, the field looks like this:
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Oogy++O-----------------------------x-----------------------------O Boogy
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Yes, that’s right – it’s a 60-Q long field, with the Calvinball (“x”) at the 30-Q line. You might want to copy and paste this into your post for graphic representation, or refer to positions like, “The ball is now on the Oogy 17-Q line.”
The Play
Each player rolls a series of dice and flips a number of coins for the next player to deal with and hopefully narrate to a degree. When a goal has been scored by the rolls of the previous player, the current player can narrate the victory sequence of Calvin or Hobbes and then begin a new match with the ball back on the 30-Q line.
The player will then roll a 6-sided dice to determine the basic action of the next play, a 4-sided dice to determine special rules to apply to the action, a 20-sided dice to determine the distance of the action, flip a coin to determine the direction of play, and flip a coin to determine who has possession of the ball and/or who gets the goal.
So, to be clear, the steps for each player’s turn:
1. Description. Narrate or react to previous player’s actions, follow directions from previous player, state any changes to the rules or actions, enact penalties based on the previous player’s actions, or announce a winner of the previous match (if the ball travels to the 0-Q line) and announce the start to a new match.
2. Score. State the current game score for Calvin vs. Hobbes (that is, the number of matches each has won)
3. Ball Position. State or indicate the position of the Calvinball. Again, use the graphic representation or just state the position using football-ish wording as indicated above.
4. Action. Roll a 6-sided dice for Action (to be used by the next player)
Actions
- 1=Hobby Horse: A simple run with the ball for the Distance, in the Direction, and in the Possession as indicated by the other dice
- 2=Boomerang: The other team (opposite of Possession flip) intercepts the ball and run in the other direction (opposite of Direction flip), for half the Distance.
- 3=Perimeter of Wisdom: The ball goes out of bounds and the other team (opposite of Possession flip) returns the ball down the field in the same direction.
- 4=Vortex: The ball changes direction (opposite of Direction flip) and changes Possession (opposite of Possession flip), but goes twice the distance.
- 5=Wickets: Direction and Possession don’t change, but Distance is halved.
- 6=Croquet Mallet: A heavy whack with a mallet means that the ball immediately goes to the 1-Q line of the Direction, but then (in the same Possession) goes in the opposite direction for the full Distance.
5. Rule. Roll a 4-sided dice for Rules (to be used by the next player)
Rules
- 1=The Bag Flag Zone: The next player changes one of the actions or one of the rules for that turn only. (I’d love to make it permanent, but I think that would get way too confusing.) For example, the next player could say, “Instead of Action 1=Hobby Horse, it will mean ‘Badminton Return’ – the exact and complete opposite of the previous player’s turn will happen for this round.”
- 2=The Pernicious Poem Place: The next player before she or he does anything else must recite a short poem created on the spot. If done, Distance is doubled. If not, Distance is halved.
- 3=The Secret Base: For the next player, if the current month ends in an “R,” Hobbes’ Distance is doubled and Calvin’s Distance is halved. If the current month ends in a “Y,” Calvin’s Distance is doubled, and Hobbes’ Distance is halved. All other months (March, April June, and August) result in a change of Direction.
- 4=The Corollary Zone: The next player before she or he does anything else must give a life, love, or Calvinball corollary/metaphor/simile (e.g., Forrest’s “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”). If done, 10 Qs are added to Distance. If not, 10 Qs are subtracted. In addition, the next player can enact more Q penalty if she or he deems the corollary to be weak, too abstract, or otherwise unworkable.
Note: Mathematically, Action calculations take place before Rule calculations.
6. Distance. Roll a 20-sided dice for Distance (to be used by the next player); simple number for how many Qs the ball might travel. If Distance is ever halved, round up to the nearest whole number.
7. Direction. Flip a coin for Direction (to be used by the next player)
Heads = Oogy
Tails = Boogy
8. Possession. Flip a coin for Possession (to be used by the next player)
Heads = Hobbes
Tails = Calvin
Calvin or Hobbes will score when he carries the ball to or beyond the 0-Q line on either end of the field.
Confusing? You bet. Difficult? Most likely. Complicated? Yep. A game that a slightly more grown-up Calvin might like? I certainly hope so.
Example Rounds:
Alpha Posts:
New epic battle between Calvin and Hobbes. One will emerge a victor – who will it be?
Score: Calvin 0, Hobbes 0
Ball Position: The 30-Q Line
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Oogy++O-----------------------------x-----------------------------O Boogy
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Action Roll: 1d6=4
Rules Roll: 1d4=2
Distance Roll: 1d20=13
Direction Flip: Coin Flip = Tails
Possession Flip: Coin Flip = Heads
Beta Posts:
[in a loud voice]
The stripes on a tiger are very nice,
I don’t even have to think about that twice.
Long in tooth and short in brain,
Found in India but not in Spain.
Hobbes begins running down the field but gets caught up in a vortex strategically placed by Calvin. Calvin picks up the dropped ball and runs in the opposite direction for 52 Qs (13 x 2 =26 x 2 =52), easily crossing the Boogy line for a goal. Calvin shouts at Hobbes, “Take that, you big tapioca-brain!”
Score: Calvin 1, Hobbes 0
Ball Position: The 30-Q Line
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Oogy++O-----------------------------x-----------------------------O Boogy
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Action Roll: 1d6=2
Rules Roll: 1d4=3
Distance Roll: 1d20=9
Direction Flip: Coin Flip = Tails
Possession Flip: Coin Flip = Tails
Charlie Posts:
Calvin was so proud of his recent goal that he accidentally crossed the dreaded Babysitter Flag Zone into out of bounds. Hobbes retrieved the ball and ran toward the Oogy side for 10 Qs (9/2=5 x 2 = 10)
Score: Calvin 1, Hobbes 0
Ball Position: The Oogy 20-Q Line
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Oogy++O-----------------------------x-----------------------------O Boogy
++++++O---------|---------|---------%---------|---------|---------O
Action Roll: 1d6=5
Rules Roll: 1d4=4
Distance Roll: 1d20=8
Direction Flip: Coin Flip = Tails
Possession Flip: Coin Flip = Heads
The next player would have to give a corny little metaphor first (resulting in +10 distance) and then show how Hobbes tripping over the wickets slowed him down. Qs = 8/2 (wickets) = 4 + 10 = 14 toward the Boogy side; final ball position: the Boogy 26-Q line.
