Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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DragonMistress

1,058 posts

Blacksmith

Posted August 31, '08 4:47pm UTC

First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.

Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:

It must fit the week's theme.
It must be submitted by the deadline.
It cannot have inappropriate language in it.
It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).

Also:

The poem must be created for this contest
A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!)
Only one submission per user will be accepted

As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.

OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!

First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.\r\n\r\nOriginal rules, as stated by Ubertuna:\r\n\r\n[quote]It must fit the week's theme.\r\nIt must be submitted by the deadline.\r\nIt cannot have inappropriate language in it.\r\nIt cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).[/quote]\r\n\r\nAlso:\r\n\r\nThe poem must be created for this contest\r\nA user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!)\r\nOnly one submission per user will be accepted\r\n\r\nAs we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the [url=http://armorgames.com/user/_poetry_]_Poetry_[/url] page.\r\n\r\n\r\nOK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!

3,868 Replies

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Kyouzou

5,061 posts

Jester

Posted December 19, '11 2:51am UTC

I've already talked to Nicho about it, I was given an extension hence the delayed judging, thanks for the concern though.

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acmed

3,517 posts

Nomad

Posted December 19, '11 3:01am UTC

Of course.

Right after I read A Christmas Carol, deadline's over.

G'night.

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nichodemus

14,990 posts

Grand Duke

Posted December 19, '11 1:38pm UTC

Honourable Mention goes to....Jeol.

Christmas Spirit

Another Christmas comes around;
People singing merrily.
Why all the joy of those surrounding?

Call me desolate, selfish;
I am a man of saving.
Money, money is the key;
Nothing else for me.

May I begin to understand
Why these people are so careless
They spend, spend to no end,
Just to give to each other airless.

Why? Why spend so much,
And use so much money?
Saving is not their care,
Debt in them ensnared.

Why this feeling of well-being,
Their senseless dreaming?
Money is screaming in their face,
Yet they ignore it and be jolly.

I wonder at their false security,
Be it Christmas this time of year.
Am I the only one left, it seems,
Of those who understand money?

I liked how you deviated from just using the plot wholesale from Dickens. Short, sweet, no fanciful words like Graham, but who says simplicity is any less valuable and enjoyable? It doesn't end the way Dickens wrote his novella, but it does give a new take on misers. It has a little modern touch, with the economy and all, and that gives credit as well.

Third place goes to...Graham.

Oh he was dead, dead, dead as a door-nail;
My right hand cut off, and brought back in chains,
He warned me so thorough, thriving in pain,
"Three ghosts will visit, heed their honest tale".
In the rush of the night, the concealed wails
sprung forthwith to show, morality's cane,
a lurid model, purgatory's plane.
My success was a veritable fail.
At first, I had a glimpse into my past.
Nostalgia plagued my ever-live senses,
Then visited my clerk, seeking their grace,
after that, theft, death, my own gravestone last.
I awoke, slipping down stairs of staunch pence
to spread Christmas cheer, prior not a trace.

You succintly summarised the story without harming the plot; and a short poem sometimes captures the attention of readers much better than a long one. I like the diction used, they were judiciously selected not overdone, not over flowery, but not banal either. A well rounded poem on the traditional Christmas tale.

Second place goes to Mav.

The Ballad of the Beggar

A lonely coin lives in my cup;
Rags lie upon my head.
No food nor drink have I to sup,
And stones make up my bed.

You meant not to stroll on this street,
But now you're here, indeed.
You quickly move your booted-feet,
And ignore those who plead.

My voice pines like a dieing flute,
But you hear not my call.
I see all of the destitute,
But you see none at all.

Now hark! And hear the orphan cry!
Hear how the widow weeps!
Do not ignore the poor who die
Alone within their sleep!

I do not mean to make a fuss,
But shackles bow your head!
For Scrooge dwells within all of us,
And all of us are dead.

It was nice to read a poem that wasn't written from the view of Scrooge once in a while. A little misanthropic and depressing for Christmas season, but it does show the painful truth of people left behind and how much more we can do; whilst reflecting perhaps rather despondently that everyone is inherently selfish. Admittedly though, it was a tad bit dark for my liking, but nonetheless, splendid job.

First place goes to.....Hypermnestra.

The audience members sit noisily down
In the worn, tired seats of the high school in town
Creak, go the chairs, as they strain with the weight
Of the Christmas spirit of "Go clean your plate!"

Behind the drawn curtain the actors all sit
Muttering about how it's "all stupid ****."
They've worked long to do this, but you wouldn't know
There aren't costumes, props, or make-up in this show.

A pause, then the curtains pull back to reveal
The cast of the show, then they start their spiel
The play wears on long, and everyone's numb
By the time of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

They couldn't budget a real ghost, so they have a sheet
By this point, even the actors are beat
The heads of the audience droop down on their chests
Each cast member shoots glances away to the next

Then Scrooge grabs the only mic they could afford
And he brandishes it as though holding a sword
"What's the point?" he cries out, "of Christmas tradition?"
Silence; but the audience begins to listen

"What's the point of the trees, or the gingerbread house?
Or the plays, or the lights, or the caroling out?
They're all pointless, that's it, and don't say that they're not
In celebration of Christmas, I think you forgot.

It's not about presents, it's not about plays.
Look around you, this is a new kind of day
It's about new hope, not wasting your time
Not wasting your money, or their hearts, or mine!

Christmas spirit cannot be remembered
Any more than you can celebrate December
You celebrate the spirit of giving, and joy
But forget to do anything but go buy some toys

Look around you, we're all poor as dirt.
I'm being honest, even though the truth hurts.
So **** Christmas spirit, and **** this play too.
I'm saying it harshly, to get through to you.

That Christmas spirit doesn't matter at all
Any more than "Labor Day spirit" in Fall
Don't bother yourself with these songs or these plays
At this point, you're all getting carried away.

Call me Scrooge, but I don't think that it's fair
For you to think "Christmas spirit!" when you're just sucking air
This play is so worthless, you should all just go home
-Try to remember not to cry all alone-

If you had real Christmas spirit, then maybe you could see
That kindness and compassion don't need a holiday
If you're being kind just for Christmas, then quit
If you make a resolution, then try to keep it

As soon as break is over, no one cares anymore
Yes, put the stockings away, the lights you can ignore
They distract you to what Christmas is really worth:
That's nothing, by the way, so step away from the hearth

This time, keep the Christmas spirit the whole year round
Then Christmas can be worthless, yes, throw it to the ground
Christmas spirit isn't acting nice one week of the year
Just because it's Christmas, no, now listen here

If you want to be a Santa Claus, forget the stupid suit
Just go out there and buy a gift for the hobo drinking soup
Or the orphan, or the kitten, or-you must get the gist-
But do it to be nice, not because it's Christmas."

There was stunned silence in the audience below
As Christmas spirit died out, as their faces ceased to glow
They booed Scrooge off the stage, some threw chairs up at the set
What a lovely play, do you feel it's Christmas yet?

Whilst the rhyming was off at certain areas to be pedantic, it's a totally different take from the traditional interpretation of the novella. And yes, what you say through the poem is true; instead of being one-off kind souls at Christmas, one should strive to be so throughout the year. Creative, refreshing, and it did also capture the grumpiness of Scrooge excellently. It reminds us that more than a century after Dickens wrote his works, humans are still the same, the very fact that Scrooge was booed at all the more shows the hypocritical side of people who care mostly about their own joy behind a faÃ§ade of pretentious sympathy. A complete story mixed into a poem, so kudos. Get your Christmas present from some mod. I suggest Frank, since dwarves look like Santa Claus.

So that's that guys! Good poems, everyone of you, a pity not everyone can get a merit for such efforts. If anyone wants a critique for their poems, just drop a comment.

Anyway, the theme for the next Contest is...(Assuming Wolf let's me choose), is more generic (Clap please), but maybe a little more cliche (Cue to groan).

Theme: Regrets and Resolutions

[b]Honourable Mention goes to....Jeol.[/b]\r\n\r\n[i]Christmas Spirit\r\n\r\nAnother Christmas comes around;\r\nPeople singing merrily.\r\nWhy all the joy of those surrounding?\r\n\r\nCall me desolate, selfish;\r\nI am a man of saving.\r\nMoney, money is the key;\r\nNothing else for me.\r\n\r\nMay I begin to understand\r\nWhy these people are so careless\r\nThey spend, spend to no end,\r\nJust to give to each other airless.\r\n\r\nWhy? Why spend so much,\r\nAnd use so much money?\r\nSaving is not their care,\r\nDebt in them ensnared.\r\n\r\nWhy this feeling of well-being,\r\nTheir senseless dreaming?\r\nMoney is screaming in their face,\r\nYet they ignore it and be jolly.\r\n\r\nI wonder at their false security,\r\nBe it Christmas this time of year.\r\nAm I the only one left, it seems,\r\nOf those who understand money?[/i]\r\n\r\nI liked how you deviated from just using the plot wholesale from Dickens. Short, sweet, no fanciful words like Graham, but who says simplicity is any less valuable and enjoyable? It doesn't end the way Dickens wrote his novella, but it does give a new take on misers. It has a little modern touch, with the economy and all, and that gives credit as well. \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n[b]Third place goes to...Graham. [/b]\r\n\r\n[i]Oh he was dead, dead, dead as a door-nail;\r\nMy right hand cut off, and brought back in chains,\r\nHe warned me so thorough, thriving in pain,\r\n"Three ghosts will visit, heed their honest tale".\r\nIn the rush of the night, the concealed wails\r\nsprung forthwith to show, morality's cane,\r\na lurid model, purgatory's plane.\r\nMy success was a veritable fail.\r\nAt first, I had a glimpse into my past.\r\nNostalgia plagued my ever-live senses,\r\nThen visited my clerk, seeking their grace,\r\nafter that, theft, death, my own gravestone last.\r\nI awoke, slipping down stairs of staunch pence\r\nto spread Christmas cheer, prior not a trace.[/i]\r\n\r\n\r\nYou succintly summarised the story without harming the plot; and a short poem sometimes captures the attention of readers much better than a long one. I like the diction used, they were judiciously selected not overdone, not over flowery, but not banal either. A well rounded poem on the traditional Christmas tale.\r\n\r\n\r\n[b]Second place goes to Mav.[/b]\r\n\r\n[i]The Ballad of the Beggar\r\n\r\nA lonely coin lives in my cup;\r\nRags lie upon my head.\r\nNo food nor drink have I to sup,\r\nAnd stones make up my bed.\r\n\r\nYou meant not to stroll on this street,\r\nBut now you're here, indeed.\r\nYou quickly move your booted-feet,\r\nAnd ignore those who plead.\r\n\r\nMy voice pines like a dieing flute,\r\nBut you hear not my call.\r\nI see all of the destitute,\r\nBut you see none at all.\r\n\r\nNow hark! And hear the orphan cry!\r\nHear how the widow weeps!\r\nDo not ignore the poor who die\r\nAlone within their sleep!\r\n\r\nI do not mean to make a fuss,\r\nBut shackles bow your head!\r\nFor Scrooge dwells within all of us,\r\nAnd all of us are dead.[/i]\r\n\r\nIt was nice to read a poem that wasn't written from the view of Scrooge once in a while. A little misanthropic and depressing for Christmas season, but it does show the painful truth of people left behind and how much more we can do; whilst reflecting perhaps rather despondently that everyone is inherently selfish. Admittedly though, it was a tad bit dark for my liking, but nonetheless, splendid job. \r\n\r\n\r\n[b]First place goes to.....Hypermnestra.[/b]\r\n\r\n\r\n[i]The audience members sit noisily down\r\nIn the worn, tired seats of the high school in town\r\nCreak, go the chairs, as they strain with the weight\r\nOf the Christmas spirit of "Go clean your plate!"\r\n\r\nBehind the drawn curtain the actors all sit\r\nMuttering about how it's "all stupid ****."\r\nThey've worked long to do this, but you wouldn't know\r\nThere aren't costumes, props, or make-up in this show.\r\n\r\nA pause, then the curtains pull back to reveal\r\nThe cast of the show, then they start their spiel\r\nThe play wears on long, and everyone's numb\r\nBy the time of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come\r\n\r\nThey couldn't budget a real ghost, so they have a sheet\r\nBy this point, even the actors are beat\r\nThe heads of the audience droop down on their chests\r\nEach cast member shoots glances away to the next\r\n\r\nThen Scrooge grabs the only mic they could afford\r\nAnd he brandishes it as though holding a sword\r\n"What's the point?" he cries out, "of Christmas tradition?"\r\nSilence; but the audience begins to listen\r\n\r\n"What's the point of the trees, or the gingerbread house?\r\nOr the plays, or the lights, or the caroling out?\r\nThey're all pointless, that's it, and don't say that they're not\r\nIn celebration of Christmas, I think you forgot.\r\n\r\nIt's not about presents, it's not about plays.\r\nLook around you, this is a new kind of day\r\nIt's about new hope, not wasting your time\r\nNot wasting your money, or their hearts, or mine!\r\n\r\nChristmas spirit cannot be remembered\r\nAny more than you can celebrate December\r\nYou celebrate the spirit of giving, and joy\r\nBut forget to do anything but go buy some toys\r\n\r\nLook around you, we're all poor as dirt.\r\nI'm being honest, even though the truth hurts.\r\nSo **** Christmas spirit, and **** this play too.\r\nI'm saying it harshly, to get through to you.\r\n\r\nThat Christmas spirit doesn't matter at all\r\nAny more than "Labor Day spirit" in Fall\r\nDon't bother yourself with these songs or these plays\r\nAt this point, you're all getting carried away.\r\n\r\nCall me Scrooge, but I don't think that it's fair\r\nFor you to think "Christmas spirit!" when you're just sucking air\r\nThis play is so worthless, you should all just go home\r\n-Try to remember not to cry all alone-\r\n\r\nIf you had real Christmas spirit, then maybe you could see\r\nThat kindness and compassion don't need a holiday\r\nIf you're being kind just for Christmas, then quit\r\nIf you make a resolution, then try to keep it\r\n\r\nAs soon as break is over, no one cares anymore\r\nYes, put the stockings away, the lights you can ignore\r\nThey distract you to what Christmas is really worth:\r\nThat's nothing, by the way, so step away from the hearth\r\n\r\nThis time, keep the Christmas spirit the whole year round\r\nThen Christmas can be worthless, yes, throw it to the ground\r\nChristmas spirit isn't acting nice one week of the year\r\nJust because it's Christmas, no, now listen here\r\n\r\nIf you want to be a Santa Claus, forget the stupid suit\r\nJust go out there and buy a gift for the hobo drinking soup\r\nOr the orphan, or the kitten, or-you must get the gist-\r\nBut do it to be nice, not because it's Christmas."\r\n\r\nThere was stunned silence in the audience below\r\nAs Christmas spirit died out, as their faces ceased to glow\r\nThey booed Scrooge off the stage, some threw chairs up at the set\r\nWhat a lovely play, do you feel it's Christmas yet?[/i]\r\n\r\n\r\nWhilst the rhyming was off at certain areas to be pedantic, it's a totally different take from the traditional interpretation of the novella. And yes, what you say through the poem is true; instead of being one-off kind souls at Christmas, one should strive to be so throughout the year. Creative, refreshing, and it did also capture the grumpiness of Scrooge excellently. It reminds us that more than a century after Dickens wrote his works, humans are still the same, the very fact that Scrooge was booed at all the more shows the hypocritical side of people who care mostly about their own joy behind a faÃ§ade of pretentious sympathy. A complete story mixed into a poem, so kudos. Get your Christmas present from some mod. I suggest Frank, since dwarves look like Santa Claus. :)\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nSo that's that guys! Good poems, everyone of you, a pity not everyone can get a merit for such efforts. :( If anyone wants a critique for their poems, just drop a comment. \r\n\r\n\r\nAnyway, the theme for the next Contest is...(Assuming Wolf let's me choose), is more generic (Clap please), but maybe a little more cliche (Cue to groan). \r\n\r\n[b]Theme: Regrets and Resolutions[/b]

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zakyman

1,627 posts

Peasant

Posted December 19, '11 8:03pm UTC

(Clap please)

BRAVO!!! BRAV...

(Cue to groan)

ohhh...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
*get off the stage!*

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wolf1991

3,437 posts

Farmer

Posted December 20, '11 3:20pm UTC

The deadline is Dec 31, 2011. I'm giving extra time because I realize it is the holdidays and ending this on new years simply seems fitting. The theme is a good choice *stamps with seal of approval*

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samiel

421 posts

Shepherd

Posted December 20, '11 11:45pm UTC

what to say my regrets do stay they never go away the past is not here today but it brings me pain. The sins of our fathers can make tears rain in regret there is no gain to the endless pain

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nichodemus

14,990 posts

Grand Duke

Posted December 21, '11 2:39am UTC

what to say my regrets do stay they never go away the past is not here today but it brings me pain. The sins of our fathers can make tears rain in regret there is no gain to the endless pain

....That's not a poem. I'm sorry but you need to structure it, instead of just writing it in prose form.

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Parsat

2,180 posts

Blacksmith

Posted December 21, '11 7:07am UTC

That last contest was a great show of quality vs. quantity. Well judged, nicho.

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nichodemus

14,990 posts

Grand Duke

Posted December 21, '11 3:05pm UTC

That last contest was a great show of quality vs. quantity. Well judged, nicho.

Thank you You flatter me.

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted December 28, '11 9:18am UTC

I wish I hadn't done many things,
I'm not too willing to explain...
Just know that I apologize to everyone,
That I've put in pain.

I apologize to those
That I've been rude to.
I know I'm cold and cruel,
But there are some things
I know I shouldn't do.

I've crossed one to many lines,
On purpose or blindly.
And you don't have to accept
This apology, kindly.

Just know that I'm sorry.
And that I'll try,
To be a better person,
Not the bad guy.

I won't give excuses,
But I've had my share of pain.
I don't justify my actions,
I'm just trying to explain.

I didn't know I was so bitter,
Shutting myself away...
It didn't help a thing,
But give the world a cold display.

I've been trying to get better.
Honestly, I have tried.
I can't seem to...
Decide.

If I lower my walls,
I have pain.
If my walls are strong...
I cause pain.

But I'll accept it,
And move on.
I'll deal with it up front,
Instead of being withdrawn.

I'm sorry again,
I've rambled too long...
With my final apology,
I'll be moving along.

_____

yeah I'm sorry for that.... thing. I haven't written anything in a while... trying to refrain from seeping emotion in everything. I probably failed, but whatever.
It was probably time for me to get something out of the ole' poetry oven. Whether it be burnt cookies or flaming cake.

I wish I hadn't done many things,\r\nI'm not too willing to explain...\r\nJust know that I apologize to everyone,\r\nThat I've put in pain. \r\n\r\nI apologize to those\r\nThat I've been rude to.\r\nI know I'm cold and cruel,\r\nBut there are some things \r\nI know I shouldn't do.\r\n\r\nI've crossed one to many lines,\r\nOn purpose or blindly.\r\nAnd you don't have to accept \r\nThis apology, kindly. \r\n\r\nJust know that I'm sorry.\r\nAnd that I'll try, \r\nTo be a better person,\r\nNot the bad guy. \r\n\r\nI won't give excuses,\r\nBut I've had my share of pain.\r\nI don't justify my actions,\r\nI'm just trying to explain.\r\n\r\nI didn't know I was so bitter,\r\nShutting myself away...\r\nIt didn't help a thing,\r\nBut give the world a cold display. \r\n\r\nI've been trying to get better.\r\nHonestly, I have tried.\r\nI can't seem to... \r\nDecide. \r\n\r\nIf I lower my walls,\r\nI have pain.\r\nIf my walls are strong...\r\nI cause pain.\r\n\r\nBut I'll accept it,\r\nAnd move on.\r\nI'll deal with it up front,\r\nInstead of being withdrawn.\r\n\r\nI'm sorry again,\r\nI've rambled too long...\r\nWith my final apology,\r\nI'll be moving along.\r\n\r\n_____\r\n\r\nyeah I'm sorry for that.... thing. I haven't written anything in a while... trying to refrain from seeping emotion in everything. I probably failed, but whatever. \r\nIt was probably time for me to get something out of the ole' poetry oven. Whether it be burnt cookies or flaming cake.

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nichodemus

14,990 posts

Grand Duke

Posted December 28, '11 9:35am UTC

Thanks for posting Keep them coming guys.~ And no Moon, we'll see about that when Judgement Day comes.

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted December 28, '11 9:45am UTC

And no Moon, we'll see about that when Judgement Day comes.

Sounds.... evil for some reason.
Why not call it.... Decision Day? Or.... Placing Day?

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Alexistigerspice

1,502 posts

Farmer

Posted December 28, '11 9:56am UTC

I've made many mistakes, cut ties with my past;
I've reached inner peace, but I know it wont last.
I've caused heartbreak while trying to escape my own
I've segregated myself from my mother and home.

Relationships broken beyond repair, falling through my fingers
I tell myself its over, but the pain still lingers.
If I could go back, I would have done differently
I would have tried to hold things together, done it relentlessly.

I can only look forward from here, try to stitch the tears,
But there are some things that are simply broken beyond repair.
I'll cling to straws and do my best to cope,
While doing the only thing I can to survive:

Hope.

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nichodemus

14,990 posts

Grand Duke

Posted December 28, '11 1:26pm UTC

Sounds.... evil for some reason.
Why not call it.... Decision Day? Or.... Placing Day?

Just because. We judge the poems on that day, and some people get upset over not winning, hence the name.

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted December 28, '11 7:47pm UTC

I've been here a while, dearie. I know what goes on here. I haven't heard it as Judgement Day. At least, not with Wolfie. Strange changes, I do not want to adaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapt

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