First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.
Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:
It must fit the week's theme. It must be submitted by the deadline. It cannot have inappropriate language in it. It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).
Also:
The poem must be created for this contest A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!) Only one submission per user will be accepted
As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.
OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!
Possibly in blatant disregard of the theme as much as preceding entries and following the Christmas parodies:
The Night Before Judging
'Twas the night before some cold holiday date, I dashed 'cross the snow 'cause I was running late. The poems were written and submitted to 'tuna, Who, in place of Strop, was now the kahuna. The poets were tired but stayed late awake, While they dreamt of the prize home they would take, And I dressed in wool from the top to the bottom Wished very much that the season was autumn, When inside the guild for the poet and would-be Came such a commotion that I couldn't see. I ran to the windows and peered through the glass, But there was no one inside and I thought, Alas! Something had happened since the lights were all out. It had to be terrible, of that I don't doubt. I went to the door and pushed it by handle, Turned to my right, lit a match, then a candle. I searched up and down from attic to basement, Inside and out from chimney to casement, And as I suspected not a poet was there, No pencil, no paper, not even a hair. No Parsat, no Zootsuit, no adrecka_33; Gone 'tuna, Estel and that ManUtd! No aaron, no Lynoth, no mvpguy, Not a hero, nor necro, not even jedi! Like a leaf on the wind they had all disappeared, But all of this silence I had found the most weird. There was only one thing that could be this quiet, Especially after that racket, that riot. And then in a flash of a blade made of steel, I knew who it was as my face hit his heel. I could see his outline from my place on the ground, A ninja standing there not making a sound. He was dressed all in black from his head to his toe. He hadn't even left a footprint in the snow. A hammer of ban he had 'gainst his shoulder; It was so strong it could demolish a boulder. His eyes were the only part of his face to be seen, But cold was his stare as if he was a machine. His equine-like muzzle stood out from his face; It was the only thing that looked out of place. A kunai he held tight to in his left hand, As if he was considering where it would land. I hoped not my face and I hoped not my belly, And I hoped not the hammer, too, it'd smush me to jelly. He was vengeful and spiteful, that ninja Straw Pony, Especially if you think his ninjutsu was phony. The kunai he threw had barely missed my head; He wouldn't have missed if he wanted me dead! But he spoke not a word and retrieved his thrown blade While flat on the floor I continually laid. Without blinking and eye into the shadows he faded, And out of the guild he had just invaded, But out of the silence his voice could be heard In a crisp clear hush I made out every word, As he left to spread more of his holiday fear, "If you make fun of me I'll ban you, ya hear?"
Here comes Stroppy-Claus, Here comes Stroppy-Claus, Right down the Forum way, He's holding his banhammer. And is drinking all the waaay.
*schrunches and throws in bin*
Joy to the Strop
Joy to the World, Strop is here, He's going to get rid of the spam. Let every user, Cel-ee-bra-aate, For the spam is gone, For the spam is gone, Fo-OR, foror the spam is gone...
*chucks in bin*
We Strop you a Merry Christmas
We Strop you a Merry Christmas, We Strop you a Merry Christmas, We Strop you a Merry Christmas, And a ni-ice long ban.
*Throws out*
The Holly and the Strop
The holly and the Strop, Live next to each other, Something something somethi-
I would just like to say one thing. I live in Australia. In Australia, Christmas is not a winter holiday.
...
Jingle Bells: Revisited : Revised
Dashing through the snow/dirt in a one-strop open sleigh/trike over the corpses we go laughing throughout the way/hike !
Smell of dead bodies bring Many kids to cry what terror it brings to all that breath 'Cuz Strop, the winter (or depending on where you are from, the summer) ninja's here tonight. Oh!
Ninja stars, ninja stars, Ninjas all the way! It's no fun whenever you die from Strop's dairy-air Christmas/summer cakes.
Ninja stars, ninja stars, Ninjas all the way! It's no fun whenever you die from Strop's dairy-air Christmas/summer cakes!
Sorry that I had to tie in death and anguish into my poem of Christmas cheer. The odds of Christmas and ninjas actually living together happily are like the odds of Chuck Norris ever losing to Jack Bauer, Jet Lee, or a Combination of the two...
But kingryan, you already have a poem mentioning you.
The version posted here seems to be a little different than the one I thought I posted, just two minor wording changes. Maybe I'll fix up the rhythm when I have the time and post the changes I thought I had made, but it seems to read differently everytime.
Thanks Parsat, I was trying to remember what the meter was.
Part of the problem is that my mind sometimes fills in details for me, even grammatical errors, to what it should be and not what it is, even when reading aloud.
hahaha! this are so awesome! i am going to post another.
Jingle bell rock: strop's version
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell strop. Jingle Arrows and jingle bow, Slashing and singin while strop is bannin, Now the single strop has begun!
Jingle bell you hammer head you jingle bell strop When he is chime its always a time, Dancing and prancing while you spam on the way! He bands you away!
What a bright time! its the right time! To ban us all the way! Jingle bell strop you silly man! To glidin with you on a slay!
Giddy up jingle strop Pick up your dress And dance all around the clock! Mix and mingle those jingle hoofs! He's the jingle bell! That's the jingle bell! He is the jingle bell strop!
