First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.
Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:
It must fit the week's theme. It must be submitted by the deadline. It cannot have inappropriate language in it. It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).
Also:
The poem must be created for this contest A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!) Only one submission per user will be accepted
As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.
OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!
k, I haven't got a lot of time right now, so here are the awinners:
Gantic wins first place for "The Night Before the Judging"
The Night Before Judging 'Twas the night before judging on some cold winter date, I dashed 'cross the snow 'cause I had run late. The poems were written and submitted to 'tuna, Who, in place of Strop, was now the kahuna. The poets were tired but stayed late awake, While they dreamt of the prize that home they would take, And I, dressed in wool from the top to the bottom, Wished very much that the season was autumn, When inside the guild for the poet and reader Came such a commotion I feared for the leader. I ran to the windows and peered through the glass, But no one was inside and I thought, Alas! Something had happened since the lights were all out. It had to be terrible, of that I've no doubt. I went to the door and pushed on the handle, Turned to my right, lit a match, then a candle. I searched up and down from the attic to basement, Then inside and out from the chimney to casement, And as I suspected not a poet was there, No pencil, no paper, not even a hair. No Parsat, no Zootsuit, no adrecka_33, Gone 'tuna, Estel and that ManUtd! No aaron, no Lynoth, no mvpguy, No hero, nor necro, not even jedi! Like a leaf on the wind they had all disappeared, But all of this silence I'd found the most weird. There was only one thing that could be so quiet, Especially after that racket and riot. And then in a flash of a blade made of steel, I knew who it was as my face hit his heel. His outline I saw from my place on the ground, A ninja there standing not making a sound. He was dressed all in black from his head to his toe. He hadn't even left a mark in the snow. A hammer of ban he had 'gainst his shoulder, So strong that it could demolish a boulder. His eyes were the part of his face only seen, But cold was his stare like he was a machine. His equine-like muzzle stood out from his face, The only thing that looked much out of place. A sharp pointy kunai he held in his hand, As if he's considering where it would land. I hoped not my face and I hoped not my belly, And I hoped not the hammer, too, it'd smush me to jelly. He was vengeful and spiteful, that ninja Straw Pony, Especially if you thought his ninjutsu was phony. The kunai he threw barely missed my head; He wouldn't have missed if he wanted me dead! But he spoke not a word and retrieved his thrown blade While flat on the floor I continually laid. Without blinking an eye to the shadows he faded, And out of the guild that he had just invaded, But out of the silence his voice could be heard In a crisp clear hush I caught every word, As he left to spread more of his holiday fear, "If you make fun of me I will ban you, ya hear?"
Zophia wins second for "Strop Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"
Mod rest ye little AG'ers, that nothing you dismay~ For Strop the ninja pony came online this day~ To save us all from flaming powers where we had gone astray~
Oh tidings of updates and ban, updates and ban~ Oh tidings of updates and ban~
"Fear not, then," said the admin, "Let nothing you afright This day we got a ninja of a pure horsy bright, To free all those who message him from spammers, porn and fights."
Oh tidings of updates and ban, updates and ban~ Oh tidings of updates and ban~
Mod ban the spammers of this site, and send them through the drain, Though many little AG'ers may stay to spam again; Upon the ghost accounts, but not under this ninja's reign
Oh tidings of stropius joy, stropius joy~ Oh tidings of stropius joy~
Lige wins 3rd for "Strop, the Christmas Ninja"
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG, Little Dan McNeely loved that rascal Strop, And brought him Swords and Shurikens and other fancy stuff. oh
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG, Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG.
Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail Danny kept a lookout perched on Strop's gigantic tail, Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er they came, Pirate ships would lower their flag when Strop roared out his name. oh!
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG, Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG.
A ninja lives forever but not so little boys Ninja stars and giant Swords make way for other toys. One grey night it happened, Dan McNeely came no more And Strop that mighty ninja, he ceased his fearless roar.
His head was bent in sorrow, Black robes fell like rain, Strop no longer went to play along the cherry lane. Without his life-long friend, Strop could not be brave, So Strop that mighty ninja sadly slipped into his cave. oh!
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG, Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG.
And kingryan wins this week's fail award 'cause he's kingryan.
*frantic posting from ipod* Oh, and the next theme is going to be The Epic Failness of Kingryan. That's payback for the whole Voldetuna thing. Now, I have a flight to catch! kthxbai
twas a night long ago that this story was written the author of such epic, was tragically smitten the culprit of course, was a man named KingRyan who's epic failness would not soon be forgotten
The man named KingRyan lay awake at night smitten in bed with terrible fright as the mod ubertuna was awake at his door, he feared that his life would soon be over
tuna was there to have a small talk one that meant Ryan would be taking a walk straight out of AG KingRyan feared im talking of ban, for being so faily
He crept down the stairs with a terrible chill he was thinking of ways, to keep his status still then he opened the door, ever so slowly as tuna he stood, with his ban fish ready
KingRyan said "Wait! i have a request if i write an epic, i stay, i suggest" and tuna said "fine, do as you wish but if you fail you will be banned"
So ryan was working, to impress ubertuna an epic was brewing, he must please the kahuna he worked night and day for countless moons and came to tuna, with his manuscript finished
as he started to read his eyes grew wide KingRyans heart started thumping inside as tuna started laughing, KingRyan was discouraged and tuna said that his epic was horrid
it was gaudy and staid with, with a hint of fail ryan was definitely going to fail i just rhymed fail with fail uh oh i fail
Tuna picked up the banfish, so smelly he felt something churning inside of his belly and ryan looked down, with shame he was smitten banned from AG forever, He failed that badly
I don't know him that well and I don't know about his epic failness, but I left his name out of my last poem. Unfortunate or fortunate for him, I left his name out of this poem too.
It's Time for You Now to Guess Whoses
Reds and greens he may confuses, And him this theme will sure bemuses. His name is clear as 'tuna chooses, Even if he should refuses.
He lives down with the kangarooses, And with the joeys takes his snoozes. Modern English he most abuses, From his poem -eth does oozes.
The bogan word he most misuses Against the Strop as he accuses And made a war that sure ensueses, But this war had much defuses.
When I read the recent newses, As in this forum I had peruses, I missed his name in my last muses; Now my props to him are dueses.
Even if he plays the blueses, Displays some nasty blackened bruises From the words we poets uses, Him we'd still see right throughses.
Though from this theme he might recuses; Though he succeeds most in his viewses; Though he'd likely make excuses; With this new theme he surely loses.
Oh, and the next theme is going to be The Epic Failness of Kingryan. That's payback for the whole Voldetuna thing. Now, I have a flight to catch! kthxbai
I tell you a poem about a bogan who is always had his head to be a pirate Now he there staring at his Computer Planning to make another mistake
He failed on almost everything that what he does He got dishonoroble mentions on the artwork thread He failed to be the king of all bogans That is why ubertuna made him as theme for this thread
He wants to be a bogan king Zophia made him a bogan queen Strop has all of his powers over him But his stick animations he can always win.
Well that is the story of a little bogan His name i tell you, He is kingryan He had a youtube if you want to watch silly pirates Well what would we lost, It is an epic failness.
Mines a bit of a story also. I took KingRyans name literally in this poem. I hope you enjoy it. I worked very hard.
~Flash and Fear~
The wind howled as the ominous sky glew yellow. The lighting stroke the fields of the king's castle. KingRyan stood idle, waiting for the lighting to strike again; He smirked at the incredible power of energy that the lightning had created; Sonny arose from the dining hall with a message for the king. KingRyan gasped at the words on the scroll; "Thou art officially removed from thou throne in accordance with thous cruel kingmanship." He was furious and dumbfounded that the royal family could betray him. The King stormed out of the palace; A bright flash, a loud noise, and a silent death. A King, who had once mastered the powers of lighting and thunder had fallen in his own anger and stupidity. He was so furious that he had forgotten to take off all his metal gear, attracting the lighting, leading to his demise.
