ForumsArt, Music, and WritingPeriodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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DragonMistress
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DragonMistress
1,058 posts
Blacksmith

First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.

Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:

It must fit the week's theme.
It must be submitted by the deadline.
It cannot have inappropriate language in it.
It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).


Also:

The poem must be created for this contest
A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!)
Only one submission per user will be accepted

As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.


OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!
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jacksonghuntington
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jacksonghuntington
347 posts
Nomad

I swear to god I suck at spelling... judge this. (spell checked version)
________________________________________________________________

The Road

As I walk upon my path of doom
I pick up a morning flower
Stuff it in my shirt pocket
And down my path of doom

I look around my path of doom
And I see the woman I love
I give her a kiss before I continue
Down my path of doom.

I begin to run down my path of doom
I shall no longer be distracted
off into the dark abyss
Down my path of doom

I look down into the path of doom
Crowds of people begging for me to step down
I look at my flower and I remember the kiss
And I turn around from my path of doom

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

West

Sunlight...
Opens up my eyes...
But not for the first time,
I find my self trapped
In a cage of lies.

Those who decieved us,
Who spoke from books of knowledge,
Led us to our graves,
Oh! Now I cry for you...

Asking: 'What could now save us?
Pull us out of the fire
That envelopes our bodies?
Hold our souls and
Never let go?'

Westward facing I lie now,
Never to breathe the sweet air.
Only now do I know
That we were all wrong!

As the stars say their prayers,
And the whole Earth adores Him,
Darkness flees in His prescense,
And inside my tomb, I face
West...

Darkness...
Closes up my eyes...
And now for the first time,
I see the truth that
I have been missing.
__________
Edited version. Please judge this.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Blerg.

Make me a map to my life's end
Mapmaker, mapmaker dear
Point me the way, the twists and turns
Mapmaker, mapmaker dear

I want to see your pen bleed
With ink upon my path
The winding roads; the jagged lines
That link me to my past

Waiting here on the blank page,
I walking without lines;
Hurry and fill in the space
I'm lost inside my mind.

wolf1991
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wolf1991
3,437 posts
Farmer

Submissions are closed. Thank you procrastinators.

FallenSky
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FallenSky
1,813 posts
Peasant

Seriously, why is no one entering this week?

Well, my girl dumped me lately, so I'm mainly writing poems about her these days, hoping she'll come back to me someday...I guess I could use the inspiration for the next round though...

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Thank you procrastinators


Yes Wolf. Thank you. :P
Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

I found my first entry to this contest. lol

Haiku
By: Mav

op'ning with a bang
spring rains give life to barren land
winter snows recede

summer sun beats down
golden rays fill life with joy
dashing to a pool

crisp is the season
trees lose there burden of leaves
apples in my hand

carolers singing
old man winter blows his gales
jack frost lays down snow

This actually isn't a real haiku. Several of the lines have too many sylabuls, or not enought. Amazing the amount of improovement that occurs over 2.5 years.

wolf1991
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wolf1991
3,437 posts
Farmer

Right, so this is long over due. But since YOU procrastinated, I felt I had some right to.

3rd Place: Jeol

Star-tripping


Spinning 'round and 'round,
You can't tell where you're facing.
Stopping and being blinded, you know:
Gravity is pulling to the ground.

Though you may have stopped
And are sure that you aren't moving
Your world is still spinning 'round
Until to the ground you've dropped.

There on the ground you close your eyes
Dieing to get out of this circl'ing madness
You open you eyes and look straight up
To watch one thing that remains in place:
The skies.

You lie there on the frozen ground
Blindness and a headache storm your mind
Suddenly one by one the stars appear
And above the north star is to be found.

Though still you may be confused,
You wobble to your feet again,
Then finding your friend, you walk, and
He gives you a flashlight to be used.

Then spinning 'round and 'round,
He loses his sense of direction,
He stops for a moment and being blinded,
Down he falls to where gravity is pulling:
The ground.


Nicely done Jeol. I'm going to be honest, this is good, but need improvement. Overall the flow is decent, but there are several spelling mistakes throughout, yet despite all that the theme is captured, and the poem is an intriguing read that dives away from the cliche.

Second Place: TackyCrazyTNT

Blerg

Make me a map to my life's end
Mapmaker, mapmaker dear
Point me the way, the twists and turns
Mapmaker, mapmaker dear

I want to see your pen bleed
With ink upon my path
The winding roads; the jagged lines
That link me to my past

Waiting here on the blank page,
I walking without lines;
Hurry and fill in the space
I'm lost inside my mind.


A nice use of repetition in the opening stanza and a continuing theme of maps throughout the poem make this a strong piece of writing. I liked the references to the ink lines throughout the entire poem. I would have liked a little more repetition and references back to the mapmaker, as the opening stanza often defines the poem. Aside from some minnor spelling issues, this is a decent poem.

First Place and Merrit Winner: Maverick4

West

Sunlight...
Opens up my eyes...
But not for the first time,
I find my self trapped
In a cage of lies.

Those who decieved us,
Who spoke from books of knowledge,
Led us to our graves,
Oh! I cry...

Asking: 'What could now save us?'
Pull us out of the fire
That envelopes our bodies?
Hold our souls and then never
Let go?'

Westward facing I lie now,
Never to breathe the sweet air.
Only now do I know
That we were all wrong!

As the stars say their prayers,
And the whole Earth adores Him,
Darkness flees in His prescense,
And inside my tomb, I face...
West.

Darkness...
Closes up my eyes...
And now for the first time,
I see the truth that
I have been missing.


And here is our winner for this round. A fairly dark, and depressing poem we have. I caught a lot of Ancient Egyptian imagery with the idea of facing West. Whether intention or not it was there. The flow is chaotic and the stanza length is a small nuance that detracts from the enjoyment of the read. However, a strong theme and strong imagery with allusions historical, and possibly Biblical, makes this a good piece of writing. Congrats!

The next theme is: A Thing Unfound

The next deadline is: Saturday July 2, 2011
ug5151
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ug5151
587 posts
Nomad

Garden

She prays every night,
for something to happen.
She cries every night,
for someone to see it.

As cutting the grass,
she prays,
for her garden,
of hopes and dreams.

The statues on her lawn,
made of spirits
of her dead family,
and just herself.

Her garden is unknown,
unseen,
unfound,
and forgotten.

they do know that day will come,
her family knows,
the spirits know,
and she knows.

ug5151
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ug5151
587 posts
Nomad

Ugh, what have I done.

wolf1991
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wolf1991
3,437 posts
Farmer

Ugh, what have I done.


You have unwittingly entered the domain of The 10 day Poetry Conest. I shall now feast on a bucket of clams in celebration.

Normally it would be sole, but we're fresh out. (I MADE A PUN)
ug5151
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ug5151
587 posts
Nomad

I didn't know that! :O

jk

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Normally it would be sole, but we're fresh out.


Pun is punny.

How far out on a limb are we allowed to go with this? I've got an idea for a poem, but it doesn't scream the theme in your face.

I'm making a big deal out of this seeing as I can't win this week, but I want to do better than 'a chaotic nuisance'.
wolf1991
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wolf1991
3,437 posts
Farmer

How far out on a limb are we allowed to go with this? I've got an idea for a poem, but it doesn't scream the theme in your face.


If it's subtle it's even better. I hate when things scream in my face. Go as far as you want, so long as you're able to justify it.
Deceptive
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Deceptive
7 posts
Nomad

Lost:

Scratching, kicking, screaming,
Trying to find a way out,
Thrusting myself about,
My life needs to be redeemed,
I've got nowhere to go,
Locked away from living,
Every night, I'm *****,
Will I ever escape?
Lost out of hearts,
Evaporated from minds,
Too far apart,
Need to get away,
Somehow, someway,
Will I be found?


Blegh.

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