Gold Medal
A Race With Luck
I was walking down the sidewalk
Every crack I carefully stepped over
Something quickly caught my gaze
It was a delicate four leaf clover
Bearing a wide grin on my face
I said, "This is my lucky day!"
But before I could grab this fortunate find
A breeze came and whisked it away
Whizzing toward the clover
I could easily win this race
Some kid chooses this exact moment
To throw a basketball in my face
I think it's trying to teach me
An anger management lesson
'Cause sure enough I was freaking out
As it crossed a busy intersection
With a screech, a splash, a car, and a puddle
I got soaked in thick brown mud
It was already starting to run down my legs
Causing my shoes to flood
In the eerie darkness
Of the freezing, endless night
I managed to run head first into
A brightly glowing street light
And as I start to cry
My tears turn into frost
"I give up!" I loudly yell
This battle I have lost
Admitting my defeat
I suddenly feel calm
I very slowly closed my eyes
And felt the clover in my palm
So I thought strictly to myself
My life must really suck
If I would really endure all that
For one tiny bit of luck
I closed my hand around the clover
Then held it to my heart
But when I opened up my grip
The wind ripped it apart
by TeeheeGirl123
I really liked this poem. Although there's no specified meter, I deigned to read it in iambic quadrameter. This fit for most of the poem. I prefer iambic poetry, so that's usually how I read unless otherwise specified. So I just read it differently depending on the amount of iambic feet per line.
Anyway...onto the next part. I like how you go through so much bad luck just to get the possibility of good luck, and through the duration of the "race" against the clover you're repetitively punished. And then, to cap it all off, when you finally catch the thing, the wind rips it to pieces. There's a lighthearted, humorous tone to the whole thing that makes me laugh(and that's always a good thing, isn't it?).
I think you could improve it by making the syllables more consistent. Throughout the poem, they vary a lot and there's never really a set meter for the whole thing. Having a more consistent meter will help with the rhythm of the whole thing, and will(in my opinion) improve the poem, even if it changes by stanza(which I do sometimes), or you could have a set pattern for syllabic length. Other than that and a few minor stretched rhymes, it shows little room for improvement(which, in this case, is a good thing).
Contact Carlie for your merit. Congratulations.
Silver Medal
we fear the drop of every dice,
the future fate awaits.
your hands, they clench, and turn to ice
fear dominates your face
and dread, it fills up every nerve
absorbed in losing all
suspense builds up, it drains your verve
to slip and then to fall
but then the rolling stops right then
as if the clouds shall burst
you're filled to boiling point again
and so, you're reimbursed
by thisisnotanalt
I like this poem, because it has a very even, consistent rhythm throughout(unlike its competition). In addition to that, it has a tense and serious attitude to it(again, unlike its competition). All things considered, a great poem. However, you did make a few mistakes that lost it first place.
For one thing, you sometimes repeat yourself. "But then the rolling stops right then" maybe this is intentional, but I think it is a bit bad for the poem in its entirety. It wouldn't hurt to add some punctuation, would it? For example, "But then the rolling stops; right then!", so it would be shown that it goes along with the rest of the poem.
The last stanza was my favorite: but then the rolling stops right then
as if the clouds shall burst
you're filled to boiling point again
and so, you're reimbursed, despite the first line. I saw it as the anger of losing replacing the sadness of losing, and so it's not such a bad thing after all(bar brawl, anyone?). Still, maybe I'm just impressed that someone managed to put such an unwieldy word as "reimbursed" into a poem and actually have it rhyme well. xP.
One last thing, and this is just my Grammar Nazi nitpicking, "dice" is actually plural. "Die" is the singular, and should be the word used in the very first line. You could change it to "We fear the drop of all the dice" and that would be fine. But this isn't a big deal or anything.
Bronze Medal
The lady herself has cast me up,
Drinking from a poor mans cup.
I'm lost dreaming of richer times,
Living off of forsaken dimes.
The Lady of Luck, she's lost to me.
Nothing I get is blessed by life,
Nothing I get is blessed by Luck.
Feeling her presence, wherever I go,
I dreamed it away, only to come back in woe.
Masterfully drinking the poison I sing,
Bad luck, of which I am the King.
Lady Luck has come again,
Drown out my fortune, time is her reign.
I wish it would just go away.
Living on, in misfortune I fail,
Forever on, I must sail.
Laughing at my trouble, forever there,
Laughing as I live despair.
Hah! We'll see how it works.
I always win, with or without.
Luck can't stop me, no.
I'll see how I live, free of Her grasp.
I win, finally, live without Her.
by EnterOrion
Forgive me if this one is way shorter than the others, I am simply running out of time here. *glances @ watch*.
My favorite part about this poem was simply the perspective, especially the viewing of luck as a deity of sorts, unlike it being used as a thing, as in most other poems, and this is part of what made it stand out.
You could improve it by making it rhyme or not rhyme. If it's prose, that's fine, and if it's poetic, that's fine, but in this case some lines rhyme and some lines don't. You should make it consistent as opposed to random in the rhyming category. Either have it be prose or have it be poetic. To pick one and only one would improve it, in my opinion.
New Theme: Dreams
New Deadline: March 15
The Dream Theme(sorry, I couldn't resist) is very vague and broad, and it's supposed to be. It could be dreams as in ambitions, it could be dreams as in the ones you have when you're sleeping(or nightmares even), it could be a dream, meaning something you see or think you see that isn't real, etc. etc. The sky(or whatever you Dream...sorry, again) is the limit here, pretty much.
