I am NOT self destructive in the sense that I cut myself for attention or otherwise. I AM self destructive in the sense that I occasionally cause pain upon myself, and sometimes at a higher level. I do this as I am intrigued by how the body reacts to injury. Pain also feels pleasurable, while stile painful and uncomfortable, to me.
An example is that today, just for the hell of it, I punched the shit out of a brick wall at school today. I did it simply to see what would happen to my hand. For a while, I thought I might have broken my middle knuckle, as it swelled up and was really red and tender. I also scraped some skin from my first two fingers. And, the other day, I accidentally cut my palm, and just to feel the pain, poured hand-sanitizer on it. Hand-sanitizer contains high levels of alcohol, which caused it to burn like hell. But instead of yelling, or complaining, I laughed.
So, I do not cause self-injury and pain because I want to numb my emotional pain(I smoke weed for that). I cause self-injury and pain because sometimes I want to feel the pain from it.
But, what I cannot do is cut my own flesh. I can burn it, crush it, or even shock it, but I am mentally unable to cut myself under normal situations.
I believe that it is simply the intensity of the feeling that causes pain to be pleasurable.
Umm, very weird but not uncommon. Hundreds of people suffer from a mental disease that makes them want to cut themselves for pleasure. I do not know the name of the disease, but I know a couple of people who have your same problem. I suggest that you alert someone about your condition, before you seriously injured.
Well, you do definitely have masochistic tendencies. I wouldn't call masochism a disease, though.
It doesn't have to be a problem if you can control it and it doesn't completely freak out people around you... Still, it's not good for your body to be injured constantly.
I'm somewhat surprised you can't cut yourself, when thinking of all the things you say you do...
To be fair, Monocycles, you need a really deep cut to be able to bleed to death so quickly that you can't stop the bleeding, and the probability that it would happen form banging onto a sharp edge of a counter is most likely quite small...
all it does is lead to maybe a a couple of piercings and tattoos. I have played alot of pain inducing games, such as "unch drunk love" or buning cigs on eachother to c who can outlast the pain longer... best i can say is its a phase, hopefully. increasing the amount of damage is something you might regret later, im often asked about a bunch of burns that r grouped on my bicep, kinda embarressing to explain to people that have never went through what your describing. So long as it stays within a realm far from suicide or from hurting others. try to find something that will divert ur curiousity and allows you to play with the idea... might make you feel better applying this habbit to more reconized pain affiliated recreations... i e boxing, wrestling, circus training & so on
So long as it stays within a realm far from suicide or from hurting others.
Yeah, I have serious trouble inflicting pain on other consciously alive beings. I have to see others in pain. I can punch a friend, but only to a certain extent.
do u wnat us to judge u? im sorry im just having trouble fully understanding the exact point of this thread. are u seeking help, or are you just randomly expressing yourself? just making it clear might help to explain. either way, AG members are always here for support if that is what you need, or judgemental critisism if u would rather prefer that
Actually this is quite simple, partly because I think I can associate with the feeling that you're describing. It's mind over matter. It's not that the pain is pleasurable or arousing, but rather it's the strength you gather from the knowledge of it. You're curious, so you experiment. Right now you're curious about pain, so you're experimenting with different pain levels.
Yea, I went through a phase like that. Learned I have a very high tolerance for pain.
On a more serious note, don't push it too far. Mind is greater than matter when it comes to the human body, so if you think you're invincible, you will be. Except your body won't react according to your mind, and be injured.
