Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Please rate my new poem!

on the song, 8/10, purely based on the parts in parenthesis. it kind of kills parts of it for me, it feels like one of those rap songs where they got the guy talking in the background.

second poem, 9/10. like what you said, i cant think of words to say.

Good poems on average I would say 8/10 the song was my favorite by far.

It truely is a very nice poem. i can tell it actually means something to you.

Only thing i can really say is that the "..." May be there when you read it aloud, but when you type it, there is no need to have them.

I would deffinatly like to see more of your work i nthe future. :-)

To many words unsaid
Sweet kisses, unshared
Sunny days, full of rain
where joy lays next to ...pain,
And all I gotta do is one step,....
but I'm holding back, I'm to affraid
so things stay the same,
cold...
undone
unsaid
withheld
off hold.

Um. I don't really know how you would find them lol. This whole place is REALLY scattered. I'll tell you the names of them though. One is A World Apart, another is The Stone, and then The Voices in my Head. Go back several pages. They're there.

I like what you've written. Very good.

ok I looked through everything. My stuff is on pages 2 and 3. I also have some short stories you might like to read. One is Survival, and the other is The Lot of a Mercenary. You're input would be greatly appreciated!

Hello!

"Stone" and "The voices in my head" are my favourite ones. U really have a talent to write stuff like this. Can't get enough,.... wanna read some more : )

This very poem I wrote 2 years ago:

You just don't know what you did.
But what you did was so bad, to bad - I think I can't take it.
You broke my heart and I don't think that anything can heal it.
Only time, time only can take the pain away from me.
You lied to me, all over the time, for going to two years now.
How do you think I can handle it?

I knew it all the time, I felt it.
Now things showed up and I hate it.
but a fact is a fact and I take it like that.

Now I want to hate you,
but it's not easy for me to do,
coz I used to love you.
Now what am I gonna do?


I just left out the door.
I don't want to see you anymore.

don't want to see you ANYMORE!

you broke my heart, now you won't break it no more!

I just have to say. . .
FREAKING AWESOME!!
I cannot write poetry, just stories, but I know a good poet when I see it. And I [i]see it.

Janie, you are showing amazing potential as a poet, and the fact that you are writing in a diffrent laungege then your own is something special.

One thing I noticed, and NoName as pointed out (You ALLWAYS beat me to stuff) the "..." Seriously break the tune apart. It is an interuption, that when you read it you might hear, but you still dont want to put the break there.

Wow...

Amazingness man. I would buy that if it was in a book.

I find it very nice. I'd give it a 7.9

i like it 8/10 has a nice play on words.

Eh it was okay. Could of been better. 6/10.

wow... all I have to say is HUZZA!!!!! 235290385o02846750827450o2847507+chuck norris out of 10
no joke