OH MY GOD! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! There is this guy called Hancock who is a super hero who also happens to be a bum. It's about freaking time! We need more bum super heroes! It was like watching Superman but starring MEEEEE! And his hobbies were drinking, passing out and hitting very small children. I DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS!... Except hitting small children. I only pick on the big ones.
And there is this public relations guy who wants to help him, but don't do it Hancock! Don't do it! You don't need to look any better! I had a public relations guy work on me once! He had be doing things, and saying things. That totally changed the way I was! Here, it looked something like this: "Hi Zega Karlsson B., can I interest you in a Cadillac?" Isn't that horrible?!?!? *shivers* So Hancock decides he is going to go to prison because he had been a bad superhero! It's like when the green lantern raped Hulk Hogan! Or did I just dream that? Either way would be pretty frightening.
So Hancock is in prison, where he shoves one guys head up another guys @ss! I am totally serious! He shoves a guys head up another guys @ss! More super hero movies need to shove other people heads inside of @sses! That better be in the new Dark knight movie. The Joker would be like: "I'm gonna kill everybody" and Batman is like "You're going inside an @ss" AOAOOAH! *fart* The End!
So after Hancock gets out of prison the people miss him and he turns into the new super hero Hancock!.... Hancock becomes Hancock...... Shouldn't he have a different name??? Like Drunk Man? Or Shnackered Boy? Or Dude I Swear I Thought She Was Over Eighteen Person? So when Hancock finds out when he is around other people like him he loses his powers. Kinda like when I'm around other bums, I lose more change! This is my quainter, find your own fire hydrant! Amateur..
So he has to fight the bad guy while sometimes losing his powers. So he's like "DGAHHH.... Uhhh.. DGAHHH!!!.. Uhhh..." And he's fighting the guy that has a hook for a hand! IT'S CAPTAIN HOOK!!! He must paint people that has the ability to fly! Why do you hate people that can fly? That's so cool! If I could fly I would fly all over the city, and shoot them all with my machine gun. Yeah I have angry issues. And at the end, Hancock gets and eagle! And hancock is like: "What do you do Eagle?" and the eagle is like ".....I don't know...!"
