Forums → The Tavern → Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't do a push up, he just pushes the ground down.

Chuck Norris counted to infinite...twice.

Sorry, mental block. Can't think of many right now. I've heard a lot, though.

"I have a killer idea. I was watching Terminator 2. I was thinking to myself, you know there's no way they are ever going to top these stunts in a movie again unless they start using terminally ill people as stunt men.

Nervous laughter. "Well, hear me out. I know to some of you this may seem a little cruel. (whiny voice) 'Ahh Bill, terminally ill stunt people? That's cruel." You know what I think cruel is, leaving your loved ones to die in some sterile hospital room surrounded by strangers. Fuck that, put 'em in the movie. Whaaaat? You want your grandmother to die like a little bird in some hospital room? Her skin so thin you can see her last heart beat work it's way down her blue veins . . .

"Or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris?

"Hey, how come you dressed my mother up like a mugger?"

"Shut up and get off the set. Action. Push her towards Chuck."

"sssssssSSSSSShhhhHHHHCRUNCH!" "Wow, he kicked her head right off her body? Did you see that, did you see my grammy?" She's out of her misery and you've seen the greatest film of all time. I'm still feeling some resistance to this, what's up? You and your fake sympathy. Okay, not one of my more popular theories. But just do me one thing. Don't ever say you like film as much as I do. I think we've found your limit."

The only joke containing Chuck Norris that I cn think of.

When Chuck Norris swims he doesn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norris'd

Every night before he goes to bed the Boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Chuck Norris & Mr T. walked into a bar, seconds later it exploded because that much awesomeness cant be contained in one building.

"Once Chuck Norris swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping medicine this made him

"Once Chuck Norris gave a horse an Uppercut, we know this animal to be the girafe today."

"If it looks like chickan, smells chickan, tastes like chickan, and Chuck Norris says its beef, its beef.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

When God said "let there be light," Chuck Norris said "say please."

Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands. When he left, they were just called The Islands.

Lemme think of more~

Chuck Norris won a starting contest with the sun.

Once Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled. Looser had to wear underwear over his pants for the rest of his life.

haha nice one milos

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake without realising there was a woman inside of it.

Chuck Norris beat Michel Phelps in a Swimming Competition....without getting wet.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

There's millions right here.

As President Roosevelt said: We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

Chuck Norris once played golf with Kimbo Slice... Chuck Norris one on his first swing on account of Kimbo's death.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

When the incredible Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris.

Christians worship God. God worships Chuck Norris.

i posted this thread about him once..then it got locked..=]

well any way if you go on google and type in Chuck Norris jokes a million websites pop up.. and seeing that im really lazy im not gona go find a good one..
but heres this one that i remember

chuck Norris doesn't get wet..water gets chuck Norris.

when you talk about chuck norris, chuck norris can hear you.. and the only reason why your still alive is because his in bed with 20 virgins...(that last one was random and i made of the top of my head)

chuck norris is thinking

hahahahahahahahahahahaha