Sorry everyone, I thought it was about time I put everything about me here, in this thread. By that I mean everything i've written and ever will write. I've recently realised that the only creative talent I have is being an okay writer. I would definately not say I'm very good, but I enjoy it and seem to have a knack for it.
So i'll post anything i've done here, be it written stories, poems, lyrics, doodles, etc.
First few works'll be posted in a sec. I'd love to hear your feedback, and if you'll would kindly not post your own works in here, thanks?
Nice peom Jess. Very emotional. Nothing really wrong with it that I can see.
Thanks Sam
hey that song just might be for me
NO Sonam.
Yeah, like you said, I fear you're starting to write as dark as I did. And that one made me cry. A first for me. A testament to your skills.
O_O Sorry. Sorry sorry sorryyyy.
I remembered how depressed I felt when I read Jess's fire story. I curled up into a ball after that.
Oh for real? Sorry =/
Good poem... very emotional...
Thanks Spenceee~
The poem was not made for me either...but it still made me sad...
Sowwe Ryann
And angry...for reasons I don't really know...
Ooer... I can haz take a wild guess? Yep. I understand o_0
Nice Jess...but don't write depressive stuff...it makes me sad
*sigh* Sowwe Ryann
Thankyou guys. Sorry you cried. I cried too, writing it. See, I'm extremely bad at poetry... but I was kinda upset one night. I just.. wrote it. It felt like it was already written in my head, just waiting for me to get it on paper.
The response you have got from this kinda contradicting to this statement. To be able to stir emotion from so many people shows that you do have talent.
Here, this is an extract taken from the middle of this story I'm working on. Feel free to ask questions, comment, etc. I know you'll be confused.
~extract~
When she first opened her eyes she thought she was still falling. She opened her mouth to scream but all that came out was a muffled cry. The silky union jack she'd aquired earlier had been stuffed in her mouth. It tasted rough like grit and she could faintly smell some sort of chemical sting. As her eyes grew accustomed to the murky scene she could make out where she was.
The small clearing deep inside the forest Rueben had once shown her was surrounded by a dense crop of pine trees. Pine needles littered the floor all around her like spots of rain before the storm. Disturbingly, the needles below the tree she leant against were speckled with blood. Upon closer inspection she could see the blood was dry. She took comfort in knowing she hadn't been wounded in the process of getting here. That or she's been here for several days.
The sound of twigs snapping up ahead caused her to panic. She thought she'd been left here alone. She wrenched her hands up to pull away the gag but thick shackles resticted her movement. She felt instantly afraid. There's something missing here. Not only had she been gagged and chained to the tree, but hands?
She hadn't shifted back to human since long before the mission briefing. The General had told her she'd need to be in animal form. And she certainly hadn't changed upon finding herself here...
Wow. Interesting story you got going there. Heck of a lot better than anything I could write. It still leaves me with a lot of questions. Can't wait to see the rest!!!
The plot of the extract is cool, and you don't have a description problem. But you may want to mess with the sentence structure - too many simple sentences of around the same length make it kinda choppy. More compound & complex sentences would do you a lot of good in the flow of the piece.
Though I agree with Alt about the sentence structure thing & whatnot. But I think I do that myself. Not sure. I never actually paid attention to my stories' sentence structures. =/
So this is one of the first parts. One of the first parts. Not the first part.
Enjoy and... be ttly confused. (Also Alt, any CC is welcome. I know there is a major lack of description because this is one of the first things I ever wrote and I haven't bothered to add more. Bear that in mind. Or is it "bare"? Whatev.)
~Beginning of Part ?~
He snuck out the back door and climbed over the garden gate, making his way to the fields his father tended. The sky was cloudy, casting dark shadows on the already dark ground. The boy ran, stumbling and tripping over the soil and getting caught up in the towering wheat and barley. His foot caught on a dry mound of earth and he went tumbling to the ground. He lay there a while, breathing heavily into the soil, eyes squeezed tightly shut. He could feel his body getting hotter and hotter as he curled his hands into fists. He punched the ground, "No, not yet!"
The clouds parted, allowing pale yellow light to cast upon the area. The boy's head snapped back and he willed his eyes to stay shut. He pounded the ground again, this time leaving a fist shaped hole in the hard soil.
His whole body was sweating, his chest heaving with the effort to produce regular slow breaths. As the clouds pulled further apart the moonlight hit him square in the face, dealing him a monsterous blow to his willpower.
With that, his eyes pulled themselves open, now fully black pupils, all traces of his once hazel colouring gone. He trained his eyes on the moon, still struggling to fight himself, but also staring at the globe in awe. His body started to shake, loosening the earth beneath him as he writhed in the moonlight. His hands clawed at the soil, ripping up the crops innocently growing around him, as he attempted to shout in protest. All that escaped from his bared teeth was a low snarl. Mud streaked up his arms and face as he continued digging his fingers into the ground, trying to pull himself up. "I can control it." he growled.
Middle of Part ? coming soon. (Soon being after a few comments :3)
Aww...great story/part. :3 Can't wait for more. Description sometimes hinders a good story, so perhaps cutting it to a minimal is a good thing at times.
Aww...great story/part. :3 Can't wait for more. Description sometimes hinders a good story, so perhaps cutting it to a minimal is a good thing at times
You know you've already read the whole thing :P But thankyou again for the compliments :3 Hrm. Some of my descriptions already in the story are lame, but I suppose I don't need to add any more in.
~Middle of Part ?~
Then just as instantly as it began, it ceased. The clouds knit back across the moon like curtains after a puppet show and the boy stopped shaking quite to violently. He began coughing weakly, sat up, wrapped his arms around his knees and let out a few choked up sobs.
After he had calmed himself down he checked his watch. It read 11:36. "Oh god, this one lasted far too long!"
Scrambling up he slung the sports back over his shoulder, wincing when it collided with his spine. He ran off over the field, this time not hesitating to get up when he fell. He made it to the other side and stared defiantly at his next hurdle; the woods his father recently obtained. Stumbling again, straight into the heart of the woods, the boy found the thickest oak tree he could hope to use. The trunk was as broad as a 4x4 and the branches ontop were a tangled mess, as wide as a house. The boy stopped against this tree and threw his bag to the floor. "Right. Lets hope my parents don't come looking for me..." he sighed. "Like they actually would..."
He untied the strings holding the bag together and pulled out a thick steel chain. The coils were each 2 inches thick and on either end of the 8ft chain there hung heavy cuffs. He wrapped it around the back of the tree and twisted around to slip his wrists into each cuff. Pullling tightly on the chain, he sighed as he couldn't get further than a few inches away from the tree. The cuffs left small red marks around his wrists; what would a whole night of straining do to them?
He twisted his head to glance at his watch. 11:58. Two minutes. He could see nothing. That would all change in a minute. He heard a murmur up above.
