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Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

these are just a bunch of short stories and other hooblah that come from my mind into this thread. With the special help of some people (Nicodemus), some of these stories will actually get written, and not take up space in my mind, and drive me to insanity. Enjoy.

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firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,540 posts
Blacksmith

It's not really a diamond...
And yeah, I guess your right.
It would meld into their minds, especially if they didn't know what it meant. :P

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,821 posts
Shepherd

Not bad, although a tad bit long.


There's no such thing. Length is of no concern - whether it drags on or not is what is of concern.

And Marching On doesn't drag on. I quite liked it, and it flowed really well. I do think, however, that you should experiment a bit more with rhyme - your nonrhyming stuff is generally quite good, so you should give some more earnest tries at rhyming poetry. It would be interesting.

Oh yeah, and thanks for the mention

Makes me feel speshulllllllllllllllll~~~
Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

You yourself said that 'Jess, Gantic, Nicho and I are the main writers around here'. Sue me if I'm wrong . I've been messing around with rhyme, but they ussualy go pretty simple. Way, Pay, Say, but well, you gotta start somewhere.

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Holding in the tradition that I edit 75% of my poems, here it is:
---
Lead Rain
By: Mav

Somewhere on the Western Front
To the East of Normandy
American Troops seek refuge
Against the a'cursed rain

Distant thunder booms out
Yet not a cloud can be seen
Our boys cower in fox holes
And seek protection from the rain

Their home on the front
The holes where they hide
Can end up as their grave
If the rain hits them

The thunder grows lounder
Men prepare for the worst
But they hope for the best
And pray the rain doesnt come

Death comes quick
To those who are hit
By the rain unawares
And unprepared

Like demonic pipers
The rain screams down
The lightning that flashes
Engulfs men in flame

The trees explode and
Dirt is kicked up
Where men used to be
Smoking craters lie

Wounded men scream
Cries of 'medic' ring out
And yet the rain still pours
And pours and pours

And then the rain stops
The storm is over
And men sink into their holes
To await the next rain
---
Maby I should make another thread, that holds all my finished, revised, and edited stuff... hmmm...

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Books
By: Mav

Reading a book
Thats got me hooked

It takes me to unknown places
And lets me see brand new faces

Riding along side heros or
In a cafe, watching it pour

When ever I begin to read
Magical images to my mind feed

Where will I go
I do not know

So I open that book
To get Hooked

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
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Shepherd

'Main' as in 'ones who have popular threads and are famous for writing' :P

If you have trouble rhyming a line, then try to restructure the line so it ends with a different word - then try from there. Books is good, but far from your best. I quite like Lead Rain, though.

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Thanks. I wrote books while my sister was on the other computer next to this one, and my other sister and step-brother were yelling over mario super sluggers on the wii. I like lead rain too

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,540 posts
Blacksmith

To tell you the truth Maverick, I think your free-verse poetry is better than your rhyming ones, they have more feeling in it.

DiGiorno
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DiGiorno
489 posts
Nomad

poetry is cool man. you know i think the more layed back kind is better. not the action kind of poetry like umm i forgot what it's called we read it in my class it's pretty cool but not my type

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Yea I think so too. I'm not the greatest rhymer, so the rhymes are ussualy poor and forced. Most people seem to like rhyming poems better than non-rhyming poems. Rhyming is more 'classical', so older people tend to like it more. Like my english teacher. 'You didnt rhyme it! minus 20 points!(the instructions clearly stated that the poem doesnt have to rhyme).

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,540 posts
Blacksmith

Well, yes, a fluent rhyming poem would sound wonderful.
But I'm afraid your "Books" poem just doesn't have any feeling to it.

It seems you struggled just to rhyme it.
Rhyming poems take longer to write than free-verse.

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Tweedle Dee...
By: Mav

Jason waited silently, not daring to move, not even to breathe. He crouched behind the door, curling himself into the smallest shape possible, hoping he would not be found. Outside his hiding spot, the floorboards groaned in protest as the creature stalked ever closer towards him. Jason swallowed a huge lump in his throat, which was threatening to choke him. Jason waited.

Suddenly, it happened. With an unearthly screech, the beast lunged at the door, its claws leaving large gouges in the door. Suddenly, however, it stopped. Jason listened, hoping vainly for a sign that my attacker was gone. After what seem ages, Jason dared to venture out. He slowly opened the door, which let out a creak. He stopped and waited. With still no sigh Jason squeezed out and worked my way slowly down the hallway.

He managed to make it to the kitchen, where the phone was kept. I dialed and waited for the dispatcher to pick up.

â9-1-1 dispatcher here. What is your emergency?â

âUmâ¦yea Iâm trapped in my house andâ¦unhhh...â

Jason slumped over and fell to the floor, a gaping hole in his chest where the beastâs claws had been. The beast howled, alerting its partner of the kill.

âSir...Are you there? The police are on there way.â said the dispatcher.

With a crunch, the beast stepped on the phone as its partner walked in. Police sirens wailed as they pulled up into the driveway.
The police burst in, quickly analyzing the situation.

â10-24, 10-24!â roared the police officer into his radio while pulling out his gun.

â10-4, S.W.A.T team en route.â replied the dispatcher.

Shots rang out as the beasts lunged at the two officers. The officers managed to shoot one beast in the eye, killing it, before being killed themselves.

The S.W.A.T. team soon arrived. Dressed in black, they were almost invisible against the dark night. They crouched in the doorframe, looking for signs. Suddenly, a sniper on an adjacent roof reported a large animal moving in the backyard. Splitting up into to groups the team went around each side of the house, hoping to end the situation quickly. As they rounded the corner, each group saw a large, human like form about seven feet tall and covered in greasy, matted hair. Quietly fanning out, the team flanked the beast. Suddenly, the best sped towards the one spot with no S.W.A.T. team members, jumped the fence and ran through an adjacent yard.
The team ran back towards there van, hoping to still have a chance at pursuit.

âHelicopter requestedâ¦all units on standbyâ¦target heading south-boundâ¦considered armed and dangerousâ¦use of deadly force allowed⦠evacuation requested.â spoke the S.W.A.T. captain into his radio.

Choppers roared through the air, search lights scanning the streets and yards as large groups of cars poured out of the area like sand in an hour glass. Flashing lights and sirens cut through the once quiet night as police officers patrolled the streets. No one travelled alone incase they were ambushed. It would be several hours before the beast killed again.

In a nearby county, word had just gotten out to evacuate the neighborhood. Most families thought it was a convict that had broken out of jail. The families that had listened to the rest of the report would learn that it was a human-like monster that had the capability of killing a person. Thus, these families went out prepared to face it incase they saw it and brought food, water, and occasionally guns. The families who didnât watch the rest of the report, however, had no idea what was in store for them.
Andrew Florien was just leaving his suburbia home in his Jeep Wrangler, headlights off to avoid attracting the âconvictâ, when something hit his car. Thinking he had hit a deer, Andrew stepped out and went to the ditch, where a large body was lying in the stagnant water.

âHey, what theâ¦â Andrew stammered as the shape rose.

The body loomed through the early morning mist, as the beast rose into a seven-foot tall monster. Its claws gleaming with a sticky, gelled, liquid, it lunged at Andrew.

Andrew had enough time to run around the Jeep and open the door before he felt the claws slice into his back. Falling, onto his knees, the beast delivered the fatal blow before clambering over the vehicle and running of into the woods. The police didnât find Andrews body until the afternoon.

The beast headed for a nearby hill, before pulling out a transmitter from a sash hidden under all the hair.

âI killed as many of them as I could, we lost Grishnak though. But, unlike we thought, there are more humans then we thoughtâ garbled the beast in a strange tongue. âI hope we kill all of these monsters before they build ships capable of coming to our planetâ

Meanwhile, somewhere in the asteroid belt, doors slide open in a large ship, revealing smaller ships in a hangar. These ships lifted off, heading towards Earth with their own load of beasts.

-FIN-

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,540 posts
Blacksmith

Next time, copy your microsoft word document to notepad first, than post it here. Otherwise, the fonts mix and you get symbols in where punctuation should be.

Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

Crap. Forgot to change the symols...Dang

And yea, like I said, when I do rhyme, its ussualy pathetic and forced. Like way, pay, say. Simple. I think a third grader could rhyme better than me.

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,540 posts
Blacksmith

Crap. Forgot to change the symols...Dang


It's still readable...sort of.

And yea, like I said, when I do rhyme, its ussualy pathetic and forced. Like way, pay, say. Simple. I think a third grader could rhyme better than me.


So next time, stick with free-verse. I actually like your free-verse poems. Not to mention they are much longer than your rhymes.
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