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the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

umkay... I've seen a lot of people doing things like this (namely Jezz).

I have decided to make a thread to hold my ideas, stories, and notes to self... Right now, I have nothing finished, but I've got a few Ideas in store.

unless someone wants me to post my WoM character sheet. I may or may not do that. so, stay tuned.

1st order of business:
memo: Idea for horror story; man discovers reason for mysterious power outages in his neighborhood.

  • 201 Replies
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Dude, when I said, "Constructive criticism is welcome," I actually meant, "Please tell me what you think."

Also, while I appreciate you getting your ideas from me, why don't you write your own for once? It's a great deal of fun.

dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
2,917 posts
Peasant

My drug poem had nothing to do with you.

jezz
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jezz
3,337 posts
Farmer

Finally read it...

was face-to-chest with Gerard.

LOL
I thought that was funneh ^^

Gerard jotted that down. "Ok, well thank you for your forced cooperaton. ...And, a tip: don't punch The IRS, ok?"

And that ^^

You're seriously good at writing!
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

My drug poem had nothing to do with you.


You'd be surprised. -_-

Oh, I'm not that good. [/bashful] But thank you!

New segment this weekend!
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Erk... I lied. Sorry it's taking so long. I was at camp all last week.

Also, so I can find it later, bumping this.

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,591 posts
Blacksmith

Is the blackout murder meant to be a conversation or story?
If it's a story, there's too much dialogue.

Gametesta
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Gametesta
1,707 posts
Nomad

Is the blackout murder meant to be a conversation or story?
If it's a story, there's too much dialogue.


All good books have excessive dialogue
Pois0nArr0w
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Pois0nArr0w
2,053 posts
Nomad

Just read all the parts of your story, and I think it's pretty interesting. I love teh mysteries! *wonders when next seg. will come*

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Is the blackout murder meant to be a conversation or story?
If it's a story, there's too much dialogue


All good books have exce... Oh. Thanks Gametesta.
But it's a story. The large amounts of dialogue are meant for effect.

All good books have excessive dialogue


Especially teh mysteries.

*wonders when next seg. will come*


Tomorrow, methinks. I have to procrastinate- Um... help my grandma... with... groceries... today. Yes.
Pois0nArr0w
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Pois0nArr0w
2,053 posts
Nomad

Tomorrow, then. Can't wait. Can't even think straight right now, actually :P

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

The Backout Murder Part 4
In which Our hero questions a hapless nerd

The bell rang. Leonard Shulz had just finished hacking his computer for the 4th time that day, and wasn't prepared for any company. He scrambled to the front door, hoping it would be his wife. Unfortunately, he didn't notice His kid's skate lying in the middle of living room floor.

In a series of cliche events, Leonard slipped on the skate, hurtled into a wall, and fell backwards, landing right by the door.

Just outside, a baffled gerard was trying to figure out what all the racket was. He was about ready to leave, but the door opened just at that moment.

Leonard appeared at the door. The 39-year-old man was wearing a striped shirt, neatly tucked into his pants. He had a green tie around his neck, which accentuated his flaming red hair. He was kind of tall, but slightly underweight.

His nasally voice came out with a lisp. "Hey, babycakes. I see you finally came crawling back- Oh, hi Gerard. I thought you were Missy."

Gerard Looked around the inside of Leonard's house. The mess inside was apparent. "Hi Leonard. Where's the Missus?"

Leonard hesitated for a moment. "She's... At the grocery store. We were out of... soup."

Gerard didn't quite believe the little man. He scanned the house, then Leonard's tie, then he noticed the cat was gone.

"So, what's up Ger?" Ger again. Everyone knew he hated that, but he just flicked it over his shoulder.

He gathered up what he noticed about the man and his house. "I don't believe you, Leo."

An expression of shock came onto Leonard's face. "Y-you don't? About what?"

Gerard smirked. "About Missy being at the store. In fact, I think you and her are having marital issues."

Leonard's mouth opened up wide, and there was a visible look of anger in his eyes. His face said "What gives you that idea, jerk?!" enough, so Gerard continued.

"For one thing, your tie; It's tied differently. Missy always ties it in a windsor knot. Always. You... you didn't even tie it. You used a staple and some tape."

"So? Missy was mixing it up a little, today." He was clearly getting defensive.

"Well, then there's the faact that Mr. Kitty is gone. If I remember right, Missy loved that cat with all her heart, and would never go anywhere, except for the store, without him. So, she must be at her mother's house, right?"

"She... She just-" It was obvious that he had nothing to say at that.

"You know, what finally gave it away, though," Gerard said, almost as if he expected an answer. "Was that you've been hacking your computer."

"What? How do you know?"

Gerard smirked. "Your 'Little Hax0r Kit' is open. You always hack when you're upset."

Leonard was struck speechless for a moment. "I... I..." He let out a deep sigh. "You're right, Gerard, we got into a fight. She took the cat and went to her mom's house. How did you know?"

Gerard pulled out his detective badge and displayed it to Leonard.

Leonard smiled faintly. "Oh yeah," He said. "Detectives are good at figuring things out, aren't they?"

Detective Spencer chuckled. "Yes, we tend to be good at that. Speaking of which, I need to ask you some questions..."


***

Leonard stepped outside and sat in the chair on his patio.

Gerard prefered standing up. It was easier for him to concentrate for whatever reason. "You remember the accident last night, no?"

"Who doesn't? I wasn't here at the time, though."

"You weren't?" Gerard felt betrayed, almost, but he couldn't explain the feeling. "Where were you then?"

"At the mall."

That feeling of betrayal dispersed. "Good. Did you, by chance, see Mrs. Chandler there?"

"You mean Ellie? Yes, I did see her. She was at Sears. I tried to talk to her, but she was in a real hurry."

"Good! Did you see her again after that?"

"Yes, In the parking lot. It was exactly 7:40 She seemed to be driving in the direction of the power plant."

"Power plant...?" Gerard began to think about how that might tie into the murder. He jotted it down on his notepad. "Did you see anything in her car, maybe a large bag?"

Leonard picked his head up. "You mean... like a body bag? No! Of course not! Why would she murder anybody?"

"I... I don't know. That's why I'm asking you these questions, Leo. So you only saw her once?"

"That would be correct."

He closed his notepad and offerred his hand to Leonard in goodbye. "Thank you for your cooperation, Leo. It helped me out more than you'd think." He Was halfway to the sidewalk, but he turned to Leonard and said, "Leonard... You'd better call her." He wanted to say "I don't even know how you got a girl like her in the first place. If you lose her, you may never get a chance like this again," but that sounded way too offensive.

Before he knew it, Leo was inside calling up Missy.
____________________________________________________________________________



There you go. I used your idea, Poison.


...Hrm... In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have used "Hax0r" in a story... oh well.

Hope you enjoyed it anyway.

Pois0nArr0w
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Pois0nArr0w
2,053 posts
Nomad

...Hrm... In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have used "Hax0r" in a story... oh well.


Was funneh. I liked it.

In a series of cliche events, Leonard slipped on the skate, hurtled into a wall, and fell backwards, landing right by the door.


Ouch. Also funny. There was some tiny errors, though :P Just capitalization of some of the words, and this-

He Was halfway to the sidewalk, but he turned to Leonard and said, "Leonard... You'd better call her."


Maybe could've used 'he turned to the man' instead of Leonard. A bit repetitive. Still a good story. Next seg. in a couple days, maybe?
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

I was tired... If minor mistakes like that slipped out of my grasp, then I'm good.

Anyways , I'll say the nest segment won't be for a few days, but you should expect it to be next week. >_>

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

I decdided I should post some of my artzes...


This is the original drawing I did of my WoM character (Pencil on paper, Uploaded from a scanner... Sorry, I was out of blank paper):

http://i559.photobucket.com/albums/ss36/SpencerCar/scan0008.jpg?t=1245571680

Original and unedited version... The one I edited with GIMP is much better, but that's on my other laptop. I'll upload it later.

And y'all have seen the armatar I made, right? I don't know why everyone thinks it's so good.

http://i559.photobucket.com/albums/ss36/SpencerCar/th_My_Armatar.jpg

Blackout murder, Pt. 5 is coming next!

Pois0nArr0w
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Pois0nArr0w
2,053 posts
Nomad

I don't know why everyone thinks it's so good.


Maybe cause it is good?

So who's the next interviewee? Or is that secret?
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