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VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Nomad

Once upon a time, Peter Pan ( who is blatantly a socialist ) went to the United States and for fun! He decided that America was very evil and capitalist and decided to rob banks so that he could give all of the money to poor people!

So one evening, he went to the People's Bank, stole ten trillion pennies and flew away to the Bronx! There, he sprinkled all of his loot on the streets and caused dozens of traffic-related accidents. Hundreds of people died, but they were all happy because they had money!

Then he kidnapped every CEO of Microsoft and made them pay a 30 % income tax rate. And soon enough, the billions of dollars the government made lead to free health care for all ! Yay!

Oh no! The U.S national guard came after Peter Pan for stealing from the greedy and giving to the needy!

That's when Peter Pan decided to become a terrorist-communist and killed himself. He also killed his son's favorite dog and left a letter to his son telling him he never loved him.

The End!

  • 30 Replies
Parsat
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Parsat
2,180 posts
Blacksmith

:P

I have a few emotional socialist stories of my own, but I'd rather not ruin your sandbox.

Parsat
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Parsat
2,180 posts
Blacksmith

Err...scratch that. I meant "soapbox."

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
950 posts
Nomad

My soapbox is public propery! By all means, use it!

samdawghomie
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samdawghomie
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Peasant

Hahaha. Nobody will ever look at peter pan the same way. Lulz

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
950 posts
Nomad

Book 2. ( This takes place in the year 1987 )

Once upon a time, Santa Clause decided that he was going to spread his wealth of toys around the entire world! Yay!

He rallied his reindeer, made a proletariat of elves and threw toys in people's chimneys with extreme accuracy! Santa was a very holly jolly man; he was glad to be a socialist!

But one day, Santa decided to become evil and made is elves work overtime on half pay while banning the Santa's worker's union! He wouldn't give toys to any girls and boys who either weren't christian or didn't have enough money for a chimney.

So a Soviet base in the north pole which was secretly Santa's toy shop wired Santa's new attitude to Moscow, and next time Santa came to bring toys to middle class girls and boys, he was shot down by a Soviet SAM SA-3 missile! D:

When the Soviet Union collapsed, Santa was set free and learned not to be a stupid jerk giving toys to only people who had houses. Later everything went back to the perfect Utopia like it is today! Marry Christmas!

The End!

samy
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samy
4,871 posts
Nomad

But I don't want to marry Christmas...

But you really should write some more stories these are awesome lol.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,821 posts
Shepherd

These are epic.

Pure. . .awesome.

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
950 posts
Nomad

I would never have thought that I would get this much fame and glory for exposing cartoons and folk lore characters.

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Nomad

Once upon a time, the Smurfs came into town! Wa-ho!!

They taught everyone how to work as a community and how to replace swear words with the word "Smurf". In about a month, everyone in what was then known as New Smurflark lived in a happy-pappy Utopian worker's paradise! The simple kindness and camaraderie of the smurfs just made everyone want to live and let live and work so that they could survive in peace and harmony! yaaay!

Noooooo! Darth Parsat came into town and ruined everything with his capitalist ideals! He put a burger king here, and a JC penny's there...and before you know it everyone was dressing up as Hannah Montana! NO!!!!!!!! People stopped saying "hi" to each other as they walked down the street, business men stopped giving so many health care benefits and tolerated less and less medical claims! There were drunks all over the place! Mean while, the humans became richer and richer and all of the smurfs became social outcasts and lived in a down town area called Orange Smurfy. Some lucky smurfs managed to find some factory jobs but then the humans said they were "TAKIN OUR JOBS!" And so a massive civil war broke out, resulting in the death of all the smurfs.

The End!

Krizaz
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Krizaz
2,399 posts
Nomad

Lmao, these stories are awesome. And I love how there strange enough to be funny but insulting, write more.

Parsat
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Parsat
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Blacksmith

Let me tell you the story about how Death Parsat came to be.

A long time ago (actually 80 years ago, but that's old enough for us), the Japanese came and swept through China, pillaging and raping. They occupied towns, taking maidens for their own pleasure and stealing food from the villagers. But were the Japanese the only people evil? No, there was evil on all sides. Chiang Kai-Shek, supposed defender of democracy, was nothing but a farce, kidnapping young men from their homes, some even children, to supply the Kuomintang with fresh men. One of these men, Treesong Li, was taken from his cousin and uncle who raised him as a father when Treesong's biological parents had perished.

In another village, it was liberated in a matter of speaking. There's a saying that goes, "Out of the frying pan and into the fire," and that's what happened when this village fell from Japanese hands to Communist hands. At first there was joy at seeing one's own countrymen, and their promises that prosperity would come. They told of times where all men would be equal, everyone would receive all they wanted from the government if their side won. It would be a utopia of the common man. They assigned the only literate man in the village, a traditional doctor, to be the village party leader.

Flash forward several years. The Japanese were overthrown, and the KMT fled to Taiwan after their own defeat in the Civil War. One of the escaping soldiers was Treesong Li, who would never see his homeland again.

Meanwhile, a man by the name of Mao proclaimed a socialist country, a communist one. And although they might not have been communist, they were socialist, definitely.

Everyone received an equal share of everything the government could furnish, which is to say, nothing. When Mao told everyone to make iron in their backyards, people slaved away in front of kilns, neglecting the crops. Those five years did not see rain, and millions starved, because worthless pig iron was inedible. Fields were bare of grass and trees stood naked and without bark, for the starving masses had stripped them bare.

Some didn't have the privilege of starving. Some had the privilege of starving and being persecuted as capitalists and imperialists. Those people and their descendants were forever cursed, left out of the socialist nightmare. Young people, molded by Mao into socialist firebrands, sought to destroy the past which had been marked by ideas such as competition, imperialism, and self-improvement. Under socialism there could be no identity, for everyone received the same share, regardless of their work.

Eventually Mao died. The generation of children during this time came to open their eyes to the effects of socialism, eventually growing up and leaving the country to others which years before they were told required liberation in a socialist fashion. Life was hard as struggling students, yes, but even then they experienced great joy in the midst of their hardship, unlike their forebears. In this atmosphere, Darth Parsat was born. In this atmosphere, Darth Parsat was imbued with the knowledge of his past and his mission.

When Darth Parsat honed his skills, he met a young man who walked in the red side of communism. This young man was naive, and had never experienced what the red side had done. Of course it was to be expected of an Italian, who couldn't keep a government for their life without some kind of backstabbing going on, socialist or not. And they had a duel in which both wielded strange and mystical powers. It left both of them scarred. Parsat was now pushed to the depths of the dark side of capitalism and free enterprise, becoming Darth Parsat, while the young man's scars prevented him from going back to his original power as a communist. But even today, they still do battle, each hoping to bring the other to the dark or red side.

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Nomad

Smurf Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Socialist

But not everything was as it seemed. After a while Darth Parsat ruled New Smurfark under capitalist rule. Meanwhile, the young, naive communist took a long joureny. He met with people such as Michael Moore and he went back in time and witnessed what American capitalism had done to the Native Americans back in the 1800s. He witnessed how much better New Lanark was as a place for work than places like the rest on England and Ireland under capitalism. The young communist, now a man, became a socialist and returned to the city that had been overrun by darth Parsat. The new socialist witnessed how badly Darth Parsat's CEOs treated their workers, he we was in shock when he saw that Darth Parsat got rid of socialized heath care and worker's unions to make the town lose all of its communistic features.

VoteSocialist knew what he must do! He joined the socialist party and spent the rest of his life running for president getting at most 12% of the vote as a third party candidate in a single party-capitalist state that uses two parties which represent the same ideal while using the media to brian-wash everyone into thinking that all Smurfs were sub-human and therefore evil thereby making socialism somehow evil to them.

Darth Parsat, following in the footsteps of his capitalist role models, took all of the Smurf's land and remained ignorant of their old customs and culture until 50 years later when many Smurfs were killed in the name of a civil rights campaign and then another one opposing Parsat's recent government bail out of the Widget factory. Eventually the nation became just like Sweden. But by that time VoteSocialist was assassinated as soon as he became a socialist mayor of a shanty town.

The End!

Parsat
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Parsat
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Blacksmith

Revisions:

Episode 3.5: Those D@mn Socs Never Get the Story Right

After suffocating Michael Moore with his conservative force choke, Darth Parsat used the powers of revisionist history to go back in time. By combining a light side socialist vortex with a dark side conservative vortex, Darth Parsat was able to see New Lanark as it really was: a cozy place, but with a system totally impractical for large-scale deployment.

Now entering the socialist vortex, Darth Parsat went into time into an alternate universe where VoteSocialist was the socialist leader of New Smurflandia. Seeing how exorbitantly high the costs were, Darth Parsat went through each village to find the brightest Smurfs, training them in the dark arts of technology to create new innovations. He also instilled in his disciples a sense of hard work and discipline, where the truly gifted could receive more profit for investment. With a stable market under his belt, Darth Parsat managed to gain political power, trouncing VoteSocialist in elections and finding himself in the same position he was before entering the vortexes, paradoxically. VoteSocialist was later assassinated as the mayor of a shanty town known as New Smurfark in a riot by disgruntled citizens.

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Nomad

Revisions

Episode 3.56: Curse you Fox News...


It was too bad for Darth Parsat that he over looked one thing, the Smurfs were all very smart, equally smart! And eventually Che Smurf rose up against Darth Parsat and founded New New Smurfark modeled off what comrade VoteSocialist envisioned. Che Smurf also made Darth Parsat "disappear" for misleading the public and assassinating a mayor of a shanty town that Parsat was the leader of.

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Nomad

And so it was, the VoteSocialist came back to life. He had assembled a guerrilla army called "The children of Robin Hood" and made unremitting hit-and-run assaults on Parsat's fascist armies while making efforts to not hurt any unarmed civilians. The Socialist's spies often spray painted the walls of Darth Parsat's infamous widget factory detailing the merits to a decent pay and working environment. After one decade of fighting Parsat's economy collapsed and VoteSocialist became the president once more!

And they all lived happily ever after, the end!

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