Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

Tonight might just be the judging night. I always judge past midnight because you know, I'm this unpunctual, last minute kind of guy.

Starting judging now!
Sorry, I had to dash through Quantum Theory because I bought it with a playability waranty, which means I can take it back to the store and have full credit for it, given that it's within seven days after the game's debut in store.
Even if there's nothing wrong with it!
Even if I liked it!
Isn't it just great; the oppurtunity to get through a game freely!
As expected, it was a good game but pretty short. Perfect for a location I'd say.

Now, let the judging begin! For those of you who are still up at this hour; don't get your hopes up, it usually takes me about three hours ^^.

usually takes me about three hours

Well, judging's almost done.
I'm going to bed for now; I'll look up through it and correct some mistakes tomorrow morning, as I always tend to do many when it's....let me see....4:21 AM.
Worry not, it should be posted tommorow before 12:00.

Hey folks, the judging's finished, I'll post it as soon as I'll get home.
I'm writting this from a public pc on my break; I've been called to work earlier this morning.
I finish at about 21:00 Pm, so hopefully I'll be able to post the results before Ten tonight.
Just a little longer, thanks for your consideration.

Thanks for the updates, Fallen. I'll check back here tomorrow as I'll probably be asleep by the time you post.

*whistles* it's almost 1am

*Whistles* it's done!

The ''Haikus are not supposed to rhyme'' award; slayguy8!

The endless thing, Time
The endless ticking of time
Will it ever stop?

Here, pointed it out in the award so I don't have to make it here. Well, first things first; putting a comma at the end of the first line to isolate and put emphasis on a certain word/group of words is risky business. It can make a masterfully composed poem as it can break the entire flow of it. Here, it kinds of drag the whole haiku down because not only are your first and second lines clearly separated and independant, but you put the focus on a word used two times in the poem, which cuts and hacks it in several little parts all the more. A few technical issues but a good use of the theme; good job....Oh, and Haikus are not meant to be rhymed!

The city spleen award; jezz!

Out in the country,
Slowly, slowly. Flies faster,
Here in the city.

That's quite a strange rhythm you've set there. Are you perhaps implying that time seems to go faster in the city as we're hurrid by responsibilities and stress? That's the impression I have that's the most closely related to the theme, but if it's not it I'd like you to inform me of what you meant. It's a good pic on the theme; it shows how time is but a fairly subjective conception.

The high time award; StepOnABaby!

outside my window
the clouds speed across the sky -
the alarm clock ticks

An attempt at proving that none can elude the passing of time? While a second is nothing to you, A cloud can travel a great distance in such a little amout of time, which just adds to the fact that time is but a subjective construction. Time is different for everyone, yet everyone is subject to its caprices.

The ''Mum to mud to mad to dad'' award; MRWalker82!

That which we have now
Will soon be that which once was
And the future dawns

If someone gets that reference without typing it on the internet he wins a mega jar of cyber triple chocolate cookies. It's a good perspective on the fact time is an ineluctable murderer. All change, wither and finally die in its clutches, and endlessly the future becomes the present and the present the past, all in the blink of an eye; constantly. The very essence of time is ungraspable yet it grasps us all, always. Nice job MR, as usual.

The ''time is a thousand voices'' award; KingLemon!

A flowing river
Never ending, always new.
You cannot escape.

Literature reference this time around; worth as much cyber cookies though. I like that particular comparison of time to a river. It's an excellent metaphor to depict the churning time; always flowing and changing, ubiquitous yet untangible and inconsistent. The last line breaks up the quaint and esoteric atmosphere set up by the first two, but all in all it's a very good submission.

The life is expandable award; Hypermnestra!

The abyss, I welcome
We fade and wither away
But soon are replaced

One of the only submission to actually take in account the fact that time's not only a cold blooded murderer but also the giver of all life; it is the catalyst of change, thus of creation and evolution. Thanks for that original perspective, good Haiku.

The time doesn't give a rat's butt award; Kyouzou!

Tick Tock goes the clock
Signaling the last moments
Of a sacred life

How does it feels to know the universe existed for millions of years, yet we're only given a few decades to blindly feel it here and there, touching and trying to grasp whatever hint of what's going on in these few years. As they say; life is long when you live it yet so short when you look back on it. Time is like this; it mocks us and will continue on even as it provokes the most gruesome hecatombs on a daily basis. It only takes a second for a human being to slip out of life, why should time stop itself for us. Great pic on the theme, goes to show we're but settlement dates on feet.

The ''I want my youth reimbursed!!'' award; BlackSkullDragon!

It can not be stopped
My youth days are now long gone
When did this happen?

As I said, time is long when we live through it, but oh so short when we look back on it. As appalling as it is, there's nothing we can do about the passing of time and the ravages it causes.That's the emotion I get from your Haiku. All those who reach an older age in their life have this luxury of looking back on past experiences. It is painful yet very enlightening.

The ''to hell with those Mayas'' award; samdawghomie!

Five, four, three, two, one...
The clock stops, two-thousand twelve
The end of time. Now?

Rhythm issues are what bugs me the most here. My advice would be; try not to make a countdown, for a haiku needs to be fluent and simple. Other than that I've not much more to say about the use of the theme. Of course the end of the world would mean the end of time, but should we believe such...''rophecies''?

The sands of time award; Freakenstein!

Hands hold an hour;
He blows sand to whisk the space
and thus continues.

Great rhythm; the Haiku flows merrily. It's pleasing to read while being well composed enough to be mysterious in its meaning along the way. I believe you wanted to say that the very motion of the universe is conceded by time itself; a self sufficient organ that cannot work unless it does work. It's an interesting take on the theme, good job. Of course, if I didn't fully grasp the entire meaning you should tell me right away.

The irony award; wolf1991!

Heal these bitter wounds.
Time, you pass me by. Leaving
Me to fix this heart.

Winner of the famed irony award this week: Wolf. Though time's the only panacea against such emotionnal wounds, it's also what will stretch them out before your very own eyes for your life to come. The passing of time IS what makes the heart ache while being the only cure to this anguish. Time: it gives only once in a lifetime. Great as usual wolf.

The ''Make the judge think'' award; Graham!

Gossamer threads lay,
Unequivocally tuned.
Until, but one breaks.

Well, you'll have to enlighten me about that Haiku. The best guess I've had while peeling the meanings of this Haiku is that perhaps you're referring to human lifetimes using this thread metaphor. If so, it's inevitable that these threads are bound to break sooner or later. Please do tell what you meant though...

The class clock award; Hahiha!

Mere ghost, an idea
Crawling when we are looking
Running when we're not

I believe you're suggesting that time flies when we stop carring about it, while being horrendously long when we do. Time's like this; he's quite a tricky devil. Yet another submission that prove how subjective time is; it changes given our perception.

The time is money award; thepossum!

Am I wasting it?
And is it really money?
What a conundrum!

That's an hilarious and original Haiku Possum, congratulation. I've nothing very constructive to say about that haiku; obviously it was made to be funny. These little syllogisms are always fun to play with. Good job.

The complex-compound haiku award; ExboMarker

Imagine it, grasp
the reality before
you die, don't run dry

Is it? Bah, whatever; the problem here is obviously the rhythm. The pauses created by the commas minimize the impact of the ones already existent whithin a Haiku. I feel like reading a complete sentence, not a haiku. My interpretation of your Haiku is that your making an eulogy of ''Carpe Diem'', or something like that. Anyhow, good job.

The ''Since when does Fallen gives dictionnary awards'' award; Zoark!

Doctrine excepted
Immemorial status
Intransigent life

No dictionnary award unless I actually have to search a dictonnary myself; I do however have to search for the intrinsic meaning of this Haiku. Given the week's theme, my guess is that you're describing what could be qualified as the very existence of time itself; as if it was a tangible life form, intransigent to any outside influence whatsoever. I'd like to know what your Haiku's really all about. I can't seem to figure anything else about it.

The chime details away award; Oradnal!

Seconds, minutes, hours
Are all forms of time when it
Gets to twelve it chimes

My first concern here is how the Haiku flows in such an awkward fashion. The first line has two intended pauses, while the second and third line have now punctuation whatsoever. Otherly said, it lacks unity in its rhythm.

The time's a wasting award; shayneii!

Unshakable force
Spinning the world in its hands
Whittling lives away

I like how you evoke a clock with your second line. It's quite a nice submission, as it exploits the theme in a grand and fantastic way. It pictures and personifies time as a deity, winding up the whole inverse; shacking up that eternal cycle; grinding down planets to dust. Great Haiku!

The Time's a Quantum award; 1337Player!

The continuum,
in which events occur in.
Past, present, future.

I'd say that's quite a fine observation of the obvious. I like the actual rhythm though, but it lacks some originality no? That's only a description you're making there.

The erudite user award; thisisnotanalt!

Erudite River
Trapped in the comforting flow
Leaves on Masamune

Well, I had some search to do, because while I did knew the swordsmith of legend, I didn't knew the actual stories pertaining to him. While I must admit it's a remarkable Haiku on absolutely all perspectives, it hardly fits the theme in my opinion. As excellent as this traditionnal-like entry may be, I see little reference to the theme in it. You might want to explain me how you used the theme later, because it's quite saddening to be neglecting such a fine entry because it didn't exploit the week's subject efficiently enough.

The fight till you dropp award; dudeguy45!

my days are now spent
I guess I just should repent
Nah, I still got time

I shouldn't have to tell such a notorious member of this thread something like this but you know dudeguy, Haikus are not meant to be rhymed, or at least not here. I think it's one of the very few entries to state a fighting for more time. It's simple, yet very effective and direct and goes to show we can buy time if we've got the will to do so. Good Haiku, but no rhyme next time ok?

And that's it for this week, now let's see whom shall be claiming a merit this time around!

The merit deserving user is: shayneii

Unshakable force
Spinning the world in its hands
Whittling lives away

A remarkable submission with powerful imagery, this is worth a merit in my opinion. This Haiku is exceptionnaly strong in the way it communicates its message, and it really leave a stunning after taste, as if you'd juste witnessed the whole scene described. Good work shayneii, go claim your merit! I'd also like to give out special mentions to wolf1991, MRWalker82 and Freakenstein for their Haikus who struggled hard for the merit. I'll give one to Alt only when he'll explain to me in which manner his Haiku relates to the theme.

Next week's theme will be catalysis

Have fun, and Happy Hakuing!

And sorry for the usual crapload of mistakes out there; it's what happens when I type past midnight.

Please do tell what you meant though...

Do you mean Catalyst as in (1) A substance, usually used in small amounts relative to the reactants, that modifies and increases the rate of a reaction without being consumed in the process. (2)One that precipitates a process or event, especially without being involved in or changed by the consequences
OR
do you literally Catalysis meaning The action of a catalyst, especially an increase in the rate of a chemical reaction.

A loud BANG! is heard,
fleeing animals are seen.
One is left behind.


I'm not too confident in this haiku, only because i'm not sure that it fits the theme this week, but it was actually quite hard for me to think of a haiku involving a catalyst, using the definition correctly >_< so that's what i came up with...as of now that is my official entry, but if I do come up with one which i believe is better, i will post it with my usually format.

If someone gets that reference without typing it on the internet he wins a mega jar of cyber triple chocolate cookies.

I'd say that's quite a fine observation of the obvious. I like the actual rhythm though, but it lacks some originality no? That's only a description you're making there.

Awesome!

Should I just ask a mod for the merit, Fallen?

btw, love your style of judging (not just because I won, lol.) I love how you analyze each one, quite interesting to read!