ForumsArt, Music, and WritingHaiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

A Haiku is a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.

Well, that said, heres the rules:

1) The Haiku must be original (no plagarizing)!
2) It must fit the weeks theme
3) It must be submitted before the deadline
4) It must be submitted for the contest (no using works previously written)
5) One Submission per user
6) The Same User cannot win twice in a row (but there welcome to submit!)

Hopefully oneday the winner could get a merit...

The Deadline will always be a Wednsday, so the deadline for the first theme will be Wednsday, September 2. The theme is The Pond

(special thanks to 'thisisnotanalt'

  • 5,299 Replies
GhostOfHorror
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GhostOfHorror
889 posts
Nomad

Find salvation
in a frozen paradise,
bodies pallid still.

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,439 posts
Jester

Shards of ice make a mosaic

(1)Shards (2)of (3)ice (4)make (5)a (6)mo(7)sa(8)ic
Too many syllables
Find salvation

(1)Find (2)sal(3)va(4)tion
Too few
69_lol_69
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69_lol_69
10 posts
Nomad

Paradise of ice.
An entourage of coldness
Icicle loving.

Random huh?

GhostOfHorror
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GhostOfHorror
889 posts
Nomad

If I *can* change it.

To find salvation
in a frozen paradise,
where bodies lie still.

MagicTree
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MagicTree
749 posts
Nomad

(1)Shards (2)of (3)ice (4)make (5)a (6)mo(7)sa(8)ic
Too many syllables

I pronounce it "mo-zayk" in this.
EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,439 posts
Jester

If I *can* change it.

Sorry, no. It's past the deadline. Submissions can't be accepted after that.

I pronounce it "mo-zayk" in this.

I'll let it slide this time, just because I didn't make a rule regarding this yet, but next time please find a source that accepts this. The greek endings of 'aic' or 'oic' tend to be split into 2 syllables, such as in archaic, algebraic, stoic, heroic.

NEW RULE: if you're unsure of a word's syllables due to regional differences or otherwise, find a reputable source that agrees with your pronunciation.
GhostOfHorror
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GhostOfHorror
889 posts
Nomad

It's past the deadline. Submissions can't be accepted after that.


You didn't give me much time to change it.
EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,439 posts
Jester

You didn't give me much time to change it.

I'd need to make exceptions for everyone who messes up their syllables. Some might do it on purpose just to get an extention.
xXxDAPRO89xXx
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xXxDAPRO89xXx
6,737 posts
Baron

Hey guys... It's the fourteenth? When will this contest be over? ;P

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,439 posts
Jester

I'm working on the critiques now. In the meantime, since there have been a lot of resubs this round, can someone please verify that I've got everyone's final sumissions? I'd hate to leave someone out or judge the wrong one.

--------------------
xXxDAPRO89xXx

Paradise of ice.
A parade never-ending.
The one icey life

--------------------
Arceus12

Paradise in ice,
Like an ice-cold block of ice
They live in ice now

--------------------
pickpocket

Paradise of ice
It's where I keep all my food
Refrigerator

--------------------
xerox

Cold air passes through...
Winter finally is here:
Paradise of ice!

--------------------
Roxxar123

The cold air of ice,
Brings a feel of paradise
Paradise of ice.

--------------------
killersup10

blistering tundra
beautiful swollen snowflakes
frozen paradise

--------------------
Maverick4

I can't be bothered
To even attempt to feel.
Apathy at last!

--------------------
Nichodemus

Pleasing shade of pink,
Scent of the blazing tropics,
Yet cool on the tongue.

--------------------
MagicTree

Blissful cold freezes,
Shards of ice make a mosaic
Snow rests, soft and silent

--------------------
pangtongshu

So call'd paradise!
A white demon's tyranny
Traps hope down, frozen

--------------------
69_lol_69

Paradise of ice.
An entourage of coldness
Icicle loving.
--------------------

GhostOfHorror
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GhostOfHorror
889 posts
Nomad

Palp, is it possible for you to judge mine and disregard it as part of the competition?

MagicTree
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MagicTree
749 posts
Nomad

OK, next time it won't happen, Palpatine. Sorry about that.

xXxDAPRO89xXx
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xXxDAPRO89xXx
6,737 posts
Baron

xXxDAPRO89xXx

Paradise of ice.
A parade never-ending.
The one icey life


That's my final entry.
EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,439 posts
Jester

I'll have the results up tonight unless I missed someone's.

OK, next time it won't happen, Palpatine. Sorry about that.

No problem.

Palp, is it possible for you to judge mine and disregard it as part of the competition?


Ok.

(NOT part of contest)

GhostOfHorror

To find salvation
in a frozen paradise,
where bodies lie still.

This is a sentence fragment, which makes little sense alone, creating a lack of flow. I like how it begins a bit hopeful, that the land itself is a beautiful place, then ends with the crushing, dismal reality that the land is like a graveyard. Overall, a good idea, but the execution could have been a bit better.
murasaki9
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murasaki9
1,388 posts
Blacksmith

Good luck, minna-san!

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