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Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,800 posts
Peasant

A Haiku is a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.

Well, that said, heres the rules:

1) The Haiku must be original (no plagarizing)!
2) It must fit the weeks theme
3) It must be submitted before the deadline
4) It must be submitted for the contest (no using works previously written)
5) One Submission per user
6) The Same User cannot win twice in a row (but there welcome to submit!)

Hopefully oneday the winner could get a merit...

The Deadline will always be a Wednsday, so the deadline for the first theme will be Wednsday, September 2. The theme is The Pond

(special thanks to 'thisisnotanalt'

  • 5,299 Replies
nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,991 posts
Grand Duke

It is pretty obvious that there was romantic content in it.

GhostOfHorror
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GhostOfHorror
889 posts
Nomad

But if there are underage users reading it they mightn't understand it.

MagicTree
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MagicTree
749 posts
Nomad

Naughty or Nice?
Blazing fire, chilled ice,
Between the edge of two worlds.
Naughty? Or rather, nice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for the critiques, Palp.
In case you doubt the word fire
In case you doubt the word chilled

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,439 posts
Jester

In case you doubt the word fire

Fire automatically conforms to whatever amount (1-2) fits for the participant. But your last line is 6 syllables.
Naugh(1)ty(2)? Or(3) ra(4)ther(5), nice(6)?
nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,991 posts
Grand Duke

Unintentionally, I realise my Haiku looks like male genitalia.

MagicTree
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MagicTree
749 posts
Nomad

Oh, I fail once more.

Naughty or Nice?
Blazing fire, chilled ice,
Between the edge of two worlds.
Naughty? Or what about nice?

New version! Thanks Palp!

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,439 posts
Jester

Now it's 7. Should be 5.

MagicTree
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MagicTree
749 posts
Nomad

Sorry. I'm being zoned out.

Naughty or Nice?
Blazing fire, chilled ice,
Between the edge of two worlds.
Naughty? Rather, nice?

xerox
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xerox
715 posts
Bard

Naughty or just Nice?
There are presents for you all
Santa do not cares.

Lee_Blade
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Lee_Blade
97 posts
Peasant

Here is my try:

A pond is always a pond
Nobody can change a pond
Even if the pond has expand
A pond is forever a pond

nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,991 posts
Grand Duke

Needs to be 3 lines, not 4.

First line has 5 syllables, not the 7 yours has.
Third line has 5, not the 8 yours has.

Lee_Blade
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Lee_Blade
97 posts
Peasant

Again my second try:

Naughty or Nice?

Naughty or Nice rather be ice
Naughty or Nice are all with Christ
Naught or rather be nice
On Christmas Ice Christ will rise

nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,991 posts
Grand Duke

3 not 4 lines.

First line has more than 8 syllables.
Second has more than 7 syllables.
Third has more than 5 syllables,

A Haiku is a three line poem with a 5-7-5 format.

Lee_Blade
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Lee_Blade
97 posts
Peasant

My new version:

Naughty or Nice?

Nice rhyme with ice
Naughty sometimes nice
Christmas Ice ,Christ will rise

nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,991 posts
Grand Duke

First line missing a syllable.
Second missing two.
Third has one extra.

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