Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

You think 3 days are bad? Check out the twiction contest....

I know I'm WAY too late for an entry but I wanna at least post my haiku

Do not forget them.
But you cannot stop yourself.
Do not look away.

I do. I think if you're not going to judge a contest within a couple of days since you stated you would then you should ask someone else to judge it for you. It's courteous to your entrants, isn't it?

Sorry the critiques are a bit short, but I have an unexpected ton of homework and school and stuff.

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Pangtongshu

Blackened hearts watching
Slowly lowered with hushed sound
Grievance shows no peace

A rather depressing stance, yet it is expected with the theme. I like that the sorrowful tone is consistant throughout the poem. I can almost hear the bells tolling.

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Armpit

This round is silence
We should not compose haikus
As we will break it

This was a poor copy of Mav's joke. On a more technical note, ending a line with 'it' rarely goes well.

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Darktroop07

The void calls to us,
But we can not hear the void.
Until death takes us.

This really captures the phrase "silent as the grave". It reminds me of the River Styx for some reason.

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TopRank

Is there any sound
In the ringing of the mind
When quiet is all

This reminds me of that guy who was conscious in a coma and was basically screaming in his thoughts for years.

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nichodemus

Birds break into song,
Delicate spring buds bloom full,
Upsets winter's calm.

An interesting, naturalistic view. This might've been better if the first and last lines were reversed to convey a loudening scene more fluidly.

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kevin8ye

Voices everywhere
Murmurs break the silent air
Abrupt end of words.....

The last line would've been better if it actually ended abruptly. Anyway, this poem seems to say, "When everyone's speaking, no one is." I like it.

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shock457

I shall cry forlorn.
And without hesitation
I leave in anguish.

This almost has a feeling of betrayal. Indeed, leaving in toned silence leaves a strong message.

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Maverick4

Without warning, love
Left me, it seems, while I slept.
Tears, like raindrops, fall.

Very melancholy. A bit abstracted from the theme, but a solid poem nonetheless.

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jeol

Spinning midst the void,
He spread his mouth to speak, yet
No air did escape.

This reminds me of the mentality of one in late-stage ALS: their thoughts are racing, yet they lack the physical strength to share them. Good word choice and powerful imagery.

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Skeleton_Pilot

Where did the sound go?
This is just ridiculous...
I can't hear nothin'!

A slightly humorous take on the theme. I picture an old southerner complaining about his radio not working, then his wife walks in and turns on his hearing aid.

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goumas13

Pause. Listen softly
Silence surrounds you, quiet
Finally some peace

This reminds me of those self-improvement tapes people listen to for anger management and stuff. It was quite calming to read.

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killersup10

suicide peacefull
blissfullness shrouds evil minds
eternal silence

This seems a bit clunky. 'eaceful suicide' would have had more flow than 'suicide peaceful'. As it's presented, it's like saying 'truck red' or 'songbird elegant'. It's apparent you stretched for syllables: "Bliss" would've been sufficient to convey the meaning; Maybe "Bliss and (one syllable word)" to fill the space. Also, blissfulness and peaceful were misspelled. But the overall message was strong.

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Max000_Extreme

Frog is not a frog
Because if a frog is a frog
Flies will roam no more

5-8-5

End of Universe
End of all the life and birth
End of all noise

5-7-4

Both of these are diqualified, due to syllables.


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And the winner is...




jeol

This poem seemed very strong to me. It conveyed the distress of the situation and made me wonder (and really want to know) what important thing was going to be said. Good job!

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Joel's poem will be proudly displayed in the about of the account HaikuContestWinners, at least until an official archive is made.

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Acmed picks/judges the next theme. Have fun everyone!

At least give the next theme first?

At least give the next theme first?

Hey just wondering with the word while, does that count as one or two syllables?

According to the dictionary, one.

I do believe theres a conspiracy to sabotage haikus.

Fear not Lady Death.
Now she lies within Us.
Ever,she is Us.

(The competition is open,right?)

Fear not Lady Death.

Foe Her spirit lies within Us.

Ever,she is Us.

The competition is open,right?

Hey just wondering with the word while, does that count as one or two syllables?

Foe Her spirit lies within Us.

Don't Fear the Reaper
Acmed don't fear him,
He'll take your soul soon enough.
Meanwhile stare him down.
~Aimed at Acmed thanks for helping with the theme XP.

Don't Fear the Reaper
Underneath the eye
Lies a comforting presence
No reason to flee

You'll have to forgive me here. I'm not exactly someone who's done a lot of poetry and I realise I've probably messed up somewhere. :/

Fixed:

Fear not Lady Death.

Foe Her spirit lies in Us.

Ever,she is Us.


Thanks to Palpatine for the correction.

Don't Fear the Reaper

Death's faithful servants,
Take us in a ghostly haze,
And it is gentle.