this i my 1st zombie story so hope you like (not finny yet)
2020,sept 15 z-day
in your house, you look for weapons you see a chair,a tv and a bat you quickly pick it up and swing it wildly into its head >zombie< it falls before you,you pull it out side and slam the door as fast as you can ( by now i think you know whats happening, one word ZOMBIES no one knows how it happened but it did most of the people you and i know are dead or are they? no they are dead but still eating)
you phone 991 and hear screams and moans you look out side and see the dead walking and EATING you know that you will need a better weapon but what can you use? well you got a car with a little gas a bat and you want to kill them,you run to your car bashing zombie heads on your way out the door you push the key in and your car humms to life you slam on the pedle and run over a few of the people you once knew you drive thou the mall window,
Ack. Ack. The grammar is purely ack-able. And now I'm being a hypocrite, because "ack-able" isn't a word, nor has it ever been. Now, moving on. Besides your grammar(which, as I have already clarified, is ack-able), I do find your second-person perspective, rare as it is, rather interesting. It adds a little unique touch to the story. It almost feels like an RPG. But honestly, I didn't enjoy it much. It felt choppy, the word choice was...well, ack-able, and the adjectives, well, there weren't really many of them, were there? More like bare-bones. Like I said, it feels a lot less like a story and a lot more like an RPG. But that does give it a sort of unique feel; you don't see things like that often in the AMW section. Either way, it's pretty rough and unrefined. It leaves a lot to wish for, and really, the idea isn't very original either. Get an editor, and maybe it'll be better. I'd be happy to fix the grammar and spelling so it looks better, but honestly, it's just not that good. But at least it's a story, better than some of the stuff you find floating around in here. You'd probably do a lot better, however, making a forum game out of this than putting it in here, as a story, where it will be critiqued as such. I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh. Poison, to get rid of the symbols use Notepad to c/p instead of Word or Wordpad. Later, -Moat
...Did you read the whole thing? It's grammar. Not grammer. Why are you doing this as a draft? Wouldn't it be easier to simply do it the first time? Ah, nevermind. Is this like a WoM thing or something? The players give a story(like Poison did) saying what they do?
I just asked what you're supposed to do. Besides, that's no excuse. Look at Alt, or heck, look at my little sister(despite her scarcity on AG). Lol, no seriously man. All I asked is are we supposed to give a story. America's youth are starting to get really embarrassing.
