ForumsArt, Music, and WritingStory Idea by Valkyrie

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valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Nomad

Please, if you don't like it tell me why and give me some ways to fix it.

I'm going to give away the ending and stuff since this is only an idea, but if people like it I might make it into a full on story.

In the future, a man named Desmond (place holder name) awakens to a world empty of people. He is in a city that seems to have been destroyed by a massive explosion.

By accessing several terminals throughout the story that allow him to relieve past events in the story that take place in the city.

The city is ruled by a strict dictatorship that has managed to end war, global warming, terrorism, and disease world wide. Although the world is peaceful, doing so requires a strict attention towards its population.

The cities inhabitants are not born, they're grown. When they're fully developed babies, implants are put in their brains and they are put into stasis until needed. When they are needed they are "activated," basically given life and is given to a family to care for.

The society in the city is similar to a bee hive. Everyone is a worker drone whose job plays an important role in keeping the city together. Everyone has a camera in their brains for the government to monitor their actions. Should they begin to commit crime, the government will deactivate that person, in essence kill them.

When a person is no longer able to do work, they are deactivated. No one can live luxuriously. As soon as you cannot do work, society no longer needs you.

Because of the oppression of the government, a rebellion has been formed called "Counter Strike," (not very original name I know, but makes sense,) that enlists people who are willing to join and then "disconnects" them from the rest of society so that the government can no longer watch them or deactivate them. In essence, they're free of the governments control.

The main character (not named yet) becomes a part of this rebellion and helps Counter Strike to create a weapon that will be able to destroy the government. Since guns and explosives are extremely hard to come by, this is the only means they can do it.

The weapon is far more powerful than the rebellion realizes, however they use it anyway. What the weapon does is switch the polarity of the poles, an event called "geo-magnetic reversal" and makes the earth vulnerable to colliding meteors from space. Counter Strike has tracked a meteor that is headed for the country the city is located in (not sure which country) and will have the polarity of the poles switched long enough for a meteor to destroy the city and the government.

Although the plan succeeds and the government is destroyed, the meteor proves bigger than Counter Strike intended and wipes out all life in the country. Then, subsequent barrages called "the storm of the cosmos" of meteors further bombard earth and wipe out all life.

Desmond has been kept in stasis but was randomly activated 100 years after the geo-magnetic reversal.

As it turns out, Desmond finds other survivors somewhere who managed to survive and thrive while Desmond was in stasis. After that the story ends.

  • 37 Replies
valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Nomad

Alright...well, all I'm saying is that I don't like the idea of copying really, but as they say, no idea is really original, and I think it would become a good story. So it gets the thumbs up from Moat.


Thank you Moat As I'm filling in the plot and story details (the things I still have to put in) I'll try to make it as much my own as possible.
valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Nomad

The thing at the start really got me captured > >


Are you talking about this part?

In the future, a man named Desmond (place holder name) awakens to a world empty of people. He is in a city that seems to have been destroyed by a massive explosion.


Lol, I'm actually waiting to read the whole thing now...


Good, I'll start working on it then. It could take some time since I might want to make it a full on novel, but I can update you guys and you could also help me too by helping me figure out certain details throughout the story.
goumas13
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goumas13
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Grand Duke

It has the potential to become a very good story, but you have to put much effort into this to have an excellent result.

I have to admit though that when I first read it I thought that I was reading something Matrix related, but this does not mean a lot, cause you can write a very non-usual story in such an unusual way that it becomes unique.
Generating stories that catch people's attention and holding it are very difficult, but I personally think that your story can catch people's attention and that's the most important thing.

valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Nomad

I personally think that your story can catch people's attention and that's the most important thing.


Well thank you! That's probably the most important part! If I can achieve suspense, then this novel is practically half done. All I have to do is make it complete.
valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Here's a sort of suspenseful start to the story.

Desmond walked through the forsaken wood of twisted trees sick with disease. An eerie silence was the only thing to accompany him.

A poisonous ocean breeze found its way to Desmond's nostrils, and he coughed. Whatever had happened to this place, it was unstable and unfit for human life.

Their was a sudden snap of a twig behind Desmond. He whirled around only to stare at the sickly gray trees that surrounded him on all sides. Another snap, but Desmond saw nothing. From somewhere, Desmond could hear the sound of raspy, sharp intakes of foul air, but from where he did not now.

All he knew was he was being stalked, and after spending more time than he in this inhospitable place, he knew that whatever was couldn't be good.

Or human...

valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Nomad

Click this link for a picture of what might end up being what stalks Desmond in the woods. Possibly, but not definitely.

Click here

singid25
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singid25
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Nomad

Nice.

The computer chip part sounded like eejits, or however you spell them, from The House of The Scorpion.

Apocalyptic stories and movies are very popular nowadays. If you do it well, it might be very popular.

How long will it be, word count wise?

valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Nomad

The computer chip part sounded like eejits, or however you spell them, from The House of The Scorpion.


Except their not zombies, they're normal people. Similar in concept, yet totally different.

And yes I hope it is very popular.

How long will it be, word count wise?


No idea. I intend to make it as long as possible (hopefully a full length novel) at some point. May take a while, but you guys can help me with story stuff.
jaza_m
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jaza_m
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Nomad

but from where he did not know.


Fixed :P


More
valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
1,720 posts
Nomad

More will come in a little while. Have some homework to do first.

valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
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Nomad

Prologue

Desmond walked through the forsaken wood of twisted trees sick with disease. An eerie silence was the only thing to accompany him.

A poisonous ocean breeze found its way to Desmond's nostrils, and he coughed. Whatever had happened to this place, it was unstable and unfit for human life.

Their was a sudden snap of a twig behind Desmond. He whirled around only to stare at the sickly gray trees that surrounded him on all sides. Another snap, but Desmond saw nothing. From somewhere, Desmond could hear the sound of raspy, sharp intakes of foul air, but from where he did not now.

All he knew was he was being stalked, and after spending more time than he in this inhospitable place, he knew that whatever was couldn't be good.

Or human...


Chapter 1
Goodbye Blue Sky

There was a hiss and a rush of hot air. Desmond rubbed his eyes open and looked around for the first time. He was inside a large container with a hatch that was opening. A disembodied computer voice told him it was unsafe to leave the tank, but he exited anyway. A fierce curiosity burned within him.

The dank interior of a dark ware house was the only thing greeting him. Among the many rows of pods, not one of them were occupied. For the first time he felt what it was like to be truly alone.

He walked passed the rows of pods and approached a large steel door. Opening it required a three digit code. Desmond didn't know what it was. Instinctively he looked down at the back of his hand and saw the number "911," branded onto it. Desmond typed the number into the key pad, and, to his amazement, it worked. "Warning! Air quality poor, environment inhospitable. Leave at own risk." The great metal door slid slowly open to reveal a bright light.

Desmond shielded his eyes while they adjusted. He didn't know what he should expect, but something didn't seem right. The air was difficult to breath, the sky an orange color and the landscape was a barren wasteland. In the distance he saw a forest of dead trees, their leaves gone and their trunks twisted and knotted. He didn't like this place.

He headed towards the forest, thinking it to be the only logical thing to do. As he neared it, he saw the true ugliness of these sick trees. Things weren't right here. There were no noises, only silence. Not even his foot steps made much noise as he walked along the cracked earth and into the dead forest.

As Desmond went deeper into the forest, he grew more lonely and afraid. The trees looked like they were closing in on him and would soon devour him with their gnarled and twisted branches. His pace quickened to a fast walk, and soon he was running through the trees as fast as he could.

Suddenly, he burst out into a wide clearing. He was standing near the edge of a cliff over looking an ocean. A poisonous sea breeze filled his nostrils and Desmond coughed and wretched. This place, whatever it was, was unfit for human life. He regretted having left the blissful safety of his pod.

From the cliff, Desmond could say the ruins of a great city. Desmond's only guess was that a massive explosion had destroyed it, but that there might be survivors within it. He decided to head for the city, back through the woods.

Desmond was walking once again into the heart of those twisted trees when he heard a sudden snap of a twig somewhere. Desmond whirled around, but there was nothing. Another snap, but Desmond saw nothing. From somewhere, Desmond could hear the sound of raspy, sharp intakes of foul air, but from where he did not now.

All he knew was he was being stalked, and after spending more time than he in this inhospitable place, he knew that whatever was couldn't be good, or human for that matter.

It was neither good nor human, as Desmond was about to find out.

There was a sudden and deafening roar, and from a midst of trees a four legged beast emerged with bounding strides. It lunged at Desmond, but he dodged its razor claws that had been extended to grab him and looked as though they could cut him in two. He wasted no time and ran as fast as his legs could carry him through the forest. He could hear the raspy breaths and knew the monster was in close pursuit. He dodged around the trees, trying to confuse the monster, but it followed him tirelessly. Desmond could hear the panting of his own breath and knew he could not run much further. The monster continued to gain on him.

Suddenly, a much larger creature charged through a group of trees and grabbed the pursuing monster in its jaws. Desmond did not see either of them clearly, for he kept running until he was safely away from the horrors of the forest. Only when he was several hundred feet away did he look back and hear the shrieks of pain as the large monster began to devour the monster that had come so close to making Desmond another meal.

Desmond walked on, exhausted from the exertion, but knew the air was to poor to stop and rest. His cough grew worse, and it was extremely difficult to breath now. But the ruins were close, and he was determined to reach them. He knew there must be answers there.

It was dark when he reached the ruins. He could make out a wall that had been erected around the city now turned to ash, and the remnants of buildings were black and burned. One great building stood in the distance, a huge building, now only a ruin amongst many.

Desmond could find no place to rest, so he walked. He slumped against a pole half his height, trying to catch the remainder of his breath. There was a sudden beep, and a holographic screen appeared projected from the pole. Desmond stood up and looked at it. The screen was flickering, no doubt damaged, but it was reasonably clear. A disembodied voice within the pole said "Networking Terminal 1. Please select the user you would like to view." A list of people with pictures next to them appeared. Desmond randomly selected a man named John Clayborne, and another screen appeared. "Please select the time of the recording you would like to view," the voice said. A list of dates came up, most of them a part of Jon Clayborne's life, his childhood, everything. The most recent one was from 2018. Desmond selected it. "Recording accessed," the voice said.

Desmond didn't realize at first, but he was going back to a time where the world lived without fear, without war, without global warming. Where all his questions would be answered. Where the truth would be revealed.

But sometimes, it's the truth that hits us the hardest...

To be continued...
jaza_m
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jaza_m
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could see the ruins of a great city.


I think that should be it instead of 'Say'

Other then that.

Make haste with the next chapter
valkyrie1119
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valkyrie1119
1,720 posts
Nomad

Alright, I'll do the second chapter on Saturday. I'll have plenty of time then.

xyishere
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xyishere
32 posts
Nomad

heres a story idea: a muffin was walking through the forest and meet a worn who befriended it untill the worm got to big and ate the muffin, crumb by crumb untill every single trace that the poor muffin ever exested is gone. THE END.

playaholic
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playaholic
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Farmer

i'm sure i heard/seen something like this before,from some sort of japanese sci-fi fairytale,but it's a good story,and even if i did heard/watched it before,im sure your's is original and different from the one i read/watched about

oh, and i realised,if you read it over and over again,there seems to be a few loose knots/confusions,which may have never existed,only due to the intro you gave us did not have sufficient info,ill post them up once ive compiled them

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