The king and his court stopped at the YER GONNA DIE INN for the night.
Everybody was happy and SSTGio sang a popular song:
IN Nottingham there lives a jolly tanner,
With a hey down down a down down
His name is Arthur a Bland;
There is nere a squire in Nottinghamshire
Dare bid bold Arthur stand.
With a long pike-staff upon his shoulder,
So well he can clear his way;
By two and by three he makes them to flee,
For he hath no list to stay.
And as he went forth, in a summerâs morning,
Into the forrest of merry Sherwood,
To view the red deer, that range here and there,
There met he with bold Robin Hood.
As soon as bold Robin Hood did him espy,
He thought some sport he would make;
Therefore out of hand he bid him to stand,
And thus to him he spake:
Why, what art thou, thou bold fellow,
That ranges so boldly here?
In sooth, to be brief, thou lookst like a thief,
That comes to steal our kingâs deer.
For I am a keeper in this forrest;
The king puts me in trust
To look to his deer, that range here and there,
Therefore stay thee I must.
âIf thou beest a keeper in this forrest,
And hast such a great command,
Yet thou must have more partakers in store,
Before thou make me to stand.â
âNay, I have no more partakers in store,
Or any that I do need;
But I have a staff of another oke graff,
I know it will do the deed.â
âFor thy sword and thy bow I care not a straw,
Nor all thine arrows to boot;
If I get a knop upon thy bare scop,
Thou canst as well ****e as shoote.â
âSpeak cleanly, good fellow,â said jolly Robin,
âAnd give better terms to me;
Else Iâle thee correct for thy neglect,
And make thee more mannerly.â
âMarry gep with a wenion!â quoth Arthur a Bland,
âArt thou such a goodly man?
I care not a fig for thy looking so big;
Mend thou thyself where thou can.â
Then Robin Hood he unbuckled his belt,
He laid down his bow so long;
He took up a staff of another oke graff,
That was both stiff and strong.
âIâle yield to thy weapon,â said jolly Robin,
âSince thou wilt not yield to mine;
For I have a staff of another oke graff,
Not half a foot longer then thine.
âBut let me measure,â said jolly Robin,
âBefore we begin our fray;
For Iâle not have mine to be longer then thine,
For that will be called foul play.â
âI pass not for length,â bold Arthur replyâd,
âMy staff is of oke so free;
Eight foot and a half, it will knock down a calf,
And I hope it will knock down thee.â
Then Robin Hood could no longer forbear;
He gave him such a knock,
Quickly and soon the blood came down,
Before it was ten a clock.
Then Arthur he soon recovered himself,
And gave him such a knock on the crown,
That on every hair of bold Robin Hoods head,
The blood came trickling down.
Then Robin Hood raged like a wild bore,
As soon as he saw his own blood;
Then Bland was in hast, he laid on so fast,
As though he had been staking of wood.
And about, and about, and about they went,
Like two wild bores in a chase;
Striving to aim each other to maim,
Leg, arm, or any other place.
And knock for knock they lustily dealt,
Which held for two hours and more;
That all the wood rang at every bang,
They plyâd their work so sore.
âHold thy hand, hold thy hand,â said Robin Hood,
âAnd let our quarrel fall;
For here we may thresh our bones into mesh,
And get no coyn at all.
âAnd in the forrest of merry Sherwood
Hereafter thou shalt be free:â
âGod-a-mercy for naught, my freedom I bought,
I may thank my good staff, and not thee.â
âWhat tradesman art thou?â said jolly Robin,
âGood felow, I prethee me show:
And also me tell in what place thou dost dwel,
For both these fain would I know.â
âI am a tanner,â bold Arthur replyâd,
âIn Nottingham long have I wrought;
And if thouâlt come there, I vow and do swear
I will tan thy hide for naught.â
âGod a mercy, good fellow,â said jolly Robin,
âSince thou art so kind to me;
And if thou wilt tan my hide for naught,
I will do as much for thee.
âBut if thouâlt forsake thy tanners trade,
And live in green wood with me,
My nameâs Robin Hood, I swear by the rood
I will give thee both gold and fee.â
âIf thou be Robin Hood,â bold Arthur replyâd,
âAs I think well thou art,
Then hereâs my hand, my nameâs Arthur a Bland,
We two will never depart.
âBut tell me, O tell me, where is Little John?
Of him fain would I hear;
For we are alide by the mothers side,
And he is my kinsman near.â
Than Robin Hood blew on the beaugle horn,
He blew full lowd and shrill,
But quickly anon appeard Little John,
Come tripping down a green hill.
âO what is the matter?â then said Little John,
âMaster, I pray you tell;
Why do you stand with your staff in your hand?
I fear all is not well.â
âO man, I do stand, and he makes me to stand,
The tanner that stands thee beside;
He is a bonny blade, and master of his trade,
For soundly he hath tand my hide.â
âHe is to be commended,â then said Little John,
âIf such a feat he can do;
If he be so stout, we will have a bout,
And he shall tan my hide too.â
âHold thy hand, hold thy hand,â said Robin Hood,
âFor as I do understand,
Heâs a yeoman good, and of thine own blood,
For his name is Arthur a Bland.â
Then Little John threw his staff away,
As far as he could it fling,
And ran out of hand to Arthur a Bland,
And about his neck did cling.
With loving respect, there was no neglect,
They were neither nice nor coy,
Each other did face, with a lovely grace,
And both did weep for joy.
Then Robin Hood took them both by the hand,
And dancâd round about the oke tree;
three merry men, and three merry men,
And three merry men we be.
âAnd ever hereafter, as long as I live,
We three will be all one;
The wood shall ring, and the old wife sing,
Of Robin Hood, Arthur, and John.â
Everybody were happy and drinking too much. After a while, the king and his wife went to bed when the Queen yelled: " Who's this muther**** lying in my bed?!"
The King: "My it's my court jester, CJ! Get the heck out of her bed you drunken scurvy dawg!"
CJ: "I'm s-s-sorry yer majesty!"
CJ tumbled down the stairs, hitting the cook who dropped his pan full of burning oil on the floor, starting a deadly fire!
:O
