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Vol. 1, Issue 1
Parsat's note: First line poetry has proven more interesting to read than I thought. It's interesting to see what spontaneous thoughts arise...in choosing poetry for this digest I don't look so intently at form as many of you are accustomed to me doing. Rather, I chose poems I thought displayed a real germ of thought and feeling. Included as always is a little critique; after all, I expect to give away something more substantial than bragging rights.
I mean no disrespect by reposting your poem here; I do it in the same regard in the same way that poems are reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit.
If it seems a few poets are mentioned more than others, consider that it was because they wrote more. If the poem's good, it goes here; I'm not a fan on putting caps on people's participation.
Poems:
Moonfairy
The mournful winter releases life
From its duty for a season,
Some view it as death,
But I view it as with a reason.
An excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion. There's a refreshing open-endedness in that last line that I really enjoy. Rather than insisting on explaining the paradoxical first line, it simply leaves one with the thought and then nothing else.
thisisnotanalt
hoping against a ninja here,
my motives and chances still unclear.
will I survive, and live in calm?
or be crushed by my fate as a ticking time bomb?
hoping against a ninja here,
it's coming down to my worst fear.
grab for the problem, try and try
but when you lose, don't sit and cry.
Fail line selection turned out win poem. Somehow it reminded me of the Ninja Kami point and click game. Good rhyme, and a freestyle flow to boot, something that's hard to do but is unmistakably alt.
pHacon
The tile reflected what I knew
For all I knew, trouble would brew.
Seeing myself, that aged reflection,
I realized what it was to find perfection.
I laughed after reading those last two lines: They flowed quite well for a first line, and it's a good spin on the old "Too smart for your own good".
aknerd
Would we put the weapon down?
And bow before the traitor's Crown?
Or raise our shield and brandish our sword
A new army for the true lord?
If only the choice was ours
And not left to the hateful stars.
For all our pride had long been drown
And so we lay the weapon down.
A polished poem (excepting the grammar error in the second to last line)...I'm still trying to figure out what belief this poem is espousing. Theism? Deism? Atheism? All these elements seem to be mixed until the last two lines.
Moonfairy
But why me?
I have always asked myself
What crime did I commit,
That would make me deserve this?
I was always true
To you
And then you left me out of the blue
Tears ran down my face
My heart was ripped in two
So here I am wondering
What Did I Do Wrong?
Trying to figure out
Why my life
Is a heart break song.
Simply worded, and using a cliche or two, but that last stanza really hits to the heart of anyone who's had their heart broken. That second-to-last short line in particular really builds up to that last line.
pHacon
Fields of Green
Stretching on forever
Like the joy of my heart,
They sing.
Skies of Blue
So high yet so deep
Where do you lead?
To happiness.
I picture Louis Armstrong's grovelly voice belting out "What a Wonderful World" while reading this poem. The ends of each stanza are especially comforting. Is it their length or their directness that make it so?
Avorne
Days passed
Under the sun
Your smooth touch
Upon my skin
Years passed
In the rain
I no longer
Feel your touch
Each line in each stanza is the complete opposite of each other. It only makes it all the more striking.
MoonFairy
Atop a cliff
I wonder
Staring down into the water
What it would feel like,
Those few seconds of free falling
Fear?
Adrenaline?
Terror?
Thrill?
I might just take the jump
To find out.
That finality in those last lines really does convey the feel of the jump...in those words, I think, all four of those emotions appear. Very well writ.
aknerd
As the bird chirps
Millions are massacred
As the wolf howls
Billions are born
As the Whale sings
Multitudes will mourn
As the Eagle shrieks
Legions will laugh
But as a baby cries
None will notice
As Silence falls
All will arise
Humanity is Always
Last to listen
Our voice obscured
Our ears extinguished
In Scandinavian and Old English poetry, the predominant style of poetry was actually alliterative...and this poem certainly has that feel. I've fixed a spelling error or two, but that last stanza is chilling.
pHacon
Starry skies,
The beauty of the cosmos.
How does it feel
To look back in time?
Short poem is short, but short poem is big too.
slayguy8
It was the slow death of a million papercuts
the next one hurt more than the last
the feeling of slowly bleeding out
you didnt picture this to end this way
all because of a million papercuts
A poem about death by a million papercuts...I simply marvel at how grave and how flippant this poem is at the same time. I know that's not a skill I have.
Gantic
Help us escape
Cardboard prisons
We've grown too big
Please help, children
Before I continue, for all you AG poets that have just joined us, Gantic is probably the most versatile poet around these parts. Go consult him for what is good poetry. As for this poem, it reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes when they use corrugated cardboard boxes as tools of imagination...what do we do when we lose it though?
CommanderDude7
I glimpsed a burst of happiness
As my oppenent thought he had victory
I glanced at my cards
And wondered what he had
Whatever it was
Could it beat a full house?
A good twist to pull on a good line. An excellent rendition of putting thoughts into words.
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Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.
- 89 Replies
I wonder what flavour juice horse makes?
It tastes kind of like cherry lime and is good for when you are hoarse.
Does it really matter which one of you writes it? If you both want to do it, it is fine.
Painting a distinct image in the mind of the reader Jess shows the horror one can feel in the confines of a hospital. I wasn't quite sure about the way you approached this one. You seem to paint the hospital as a dreaded place but the last stanza proclaims that it is a place where people are healed and then move on.Cheers Zaork
I'm glad you got the meaning even if you don't realise you've got it, heh. The poem is supposed to emphasise the fear most people experience of going to the hospital, even though it is supposed to be a place of healing. So many people overreact to hospitals (and dentists) and then kick themselves afterwards for getting so worked up!
I was also recalling how my dog reacts to being taken to the vets, if I'm honest..
But would juice from a horse just be milk?
Nope. But its an easily made mistake.
Danke Zaork to noticing that one. I was trying to be a little uplifting then... So..... Yeah. Anymore little digests anytime soon?
In all actuality, that was supposed to be "sychic wars". I had to use spell check on that word and the computer thinks that it is supposed to be physics.
Ah I see. To be honest I think it works better as 'hysic' wars.
But would juice from a horse just be milk?
Could be cranberry. If it's from a mighty stallion.
zoark i thought i am writing it?
Go for it. It's just that you missed out on a few pages back there so I thought I would fill in.
got the meaning even if you don't realise you've got it
Ah ok good. I knew that somewhere, somehow, something was going on, however ambiguous.
little uplifting
For me it wasn't so much uplifting as it was soothing and peaceful.
Anymore little digests anytime soon?
Well if you guys liked the style and what I did I can keep at it but if not I will step to the side and let Slayguy8 take charge.
I kind of like that two people are judging. Probably easier to judge with two people anyways.
So long as both of you judge the same pages in each installment, mayhaps?
I seem to have killed the FLP anyway >.<
I believe it's time for another one, FLP is alive again.
It's really not the same without Parsat.
Anyone know where he went?
I value Parsat's opinion more than I do others because I think he is one of the best poets on AG.
I lurk occasionally. Naw, I'm just busy. Don't expect to see me this summmer; I'll be doing short-term missions in Central Asia.
As for the digest, anyone who has the dedication and time to do it ought to be respected. It's not meant to be a "hall of fame" to build people's egos; it's meant to be an encouragement for people to keep contributing.
I think its time to revive this. I'll try for the poetry that has been written during this month so far. Maybe a little practice to possibly judge poetry someday.
As I look out.
Out of the windowsill.
I wonder, I wonder 'bout
That girl up the great big hill.
Her hair, black as the night, falling down to her hips.
Her crystalline emerald eyes filled with the innocence of a child
Her sweat soothing voice from her fine pink lips.
She lays down on the grass as her white robe flows with the wind so mild.
We share a glance, a single glance.
She smiles as I blush by the windowsill
I'm quickly pulled from my revery as she shares a dance.
A waltz with a man by the great big hill.
I realize that the smile wasn't meant for me,
I'm the poet. I write about love while others live it. I quickly grab my quill and take a sip of tea.
~deathopper
I like how this almost seems like a daydream, something I do so often. As you admitted, the lines are definitely off. If anything, I'd say you should increase the length of the lines in the first Stanza to make the lines about equal throughout the poem.
Explore the great unknown, child
Don't tie yourself down deep
Go off into the world, child.
Venture to the mountains steep.
Take your sword and cape;
Your trusty steed as well
Grab your wooden staff
Your cap with its old bells.
Perhaps you'll find a pot of gold
Or a fountain filled with youth.
Maybe you'll just get a magic pond
That only ever speaks the truth.
Do all of this child,
Before you're just like me
My mind is all tied down
There is no room to breathe.
You'll find that your cape
Is nothing but a old white sheet.
And that your steed of war
Is a dog found on the street.
So listen to me, child.
Listen to what I say.
Or you'll regret it
When you're at this day.
~TackyCrazyTNT
Your poems continue to amaze me tacky, and this is no exception. This first couple of stanzas immediately made me think of The Legend of Zelda. After this, I like how you show that imagination and creativity of people shrinks with age. I feel that the last stanza is off, especially the third line.
Keep dreaming,
They all say,
And one day it will come true.
But they never mention,
What you will have to do.
Maybe they don't know,
But at the least they could try.
Instead of leaving you,
Stranded, to die.
Not a hint or a clue.
There is simply,
Nothing you can do.
They tell you to dream,
Of impossible things.
Shoot for the moon,
You'll land with the stars.
But they won't tell you,
Tell you just how far.
They send you on a raft,
Made from the hearts bliss.
Love can withstand all, right?
With love, you can't miss.
That's what they think,
As they send you on your way.
Nothing to be afraid of,
That's what they think,
As they send you on your way.
Nothing to be afraid of,
Love will make sure you're okay.
Then you run into a storm,
And it changes very fast.
Turns into a horrid form,
Your raft will not last.
Love is overcome,
By what the world calls hate.
You jump from your raft,
You can't wait for it to abate.
~MoonFairy
A bit depressing, but true how everyone tells us too follow our dreams, but no one says what lengths we must go through. I love the rhyme scheme of the poem and your ability to change the stanza lengths without a problem. Keep it up!
Glinting in the sun
Light, irridescent rays shine
Bounce off the perfect fruit.
~Maverick4
It's always nice to see something short. Your haikus always seem to be great. I love how you can relate two things completely like that in such a short space, and the adjectives that you throw in are excellent. Keep it up!
Frozen heat,
Like a moment trapped in eternity.
It is trapped in time,
Never to be seen or touched again.
Frozen dreams,
Locked in a cellar,
Hidden in a jar,
To be ignored.
Frozen moments,
Precious memories.
Locked away from time
It itself being a piece.
A slice of cake,
A piece of time,
Both are locked in a freezer,
Never meant to be touched again.
Frozen heat,
No matter how deadly,
Was a moment in itself,
Lived once, but never again.
What liveliness,
Moments full of life and heat,
Yet trapped inside a bottle
And frozen for memory's sake.
~Jeol
Something made with one of my lines! Comparing heat to time is pretty awesome. Some of your lines are a bit lengthy. I think that you should try cutting words out of some of the lines; it's fine to do that with poetry. But I love the poem's theme itself.
Falling like a block of lead,
Wooziness inside my head.
Why did I jump?
My throat gets a lump.
Nearing the waving ocean,
Suicide with extreme devotion.
Same reoccurring theme,
Waking up from a terrored dream.
~Slayguy8
This is pretty good Slayguy. With some of those lines, I feel that this dream is pretty well described. I think that the third line is a bit short. I also think that you should experiment with poetry that doesn't rhyme from time to time (no rhyme intended). But a pretty good poem overall.
I guess I could add more later, if wanted.
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