This is kind of a delayed-reaction post, but one that just now hit me. That last sentence will become a pun as you read on.
So it was either last week or the week before that my family and I drove to the Golden Corral just after vacation for some eats. We took a table next to a family of 4. Nothing too abnormal about that. One was a father, one looked like the grandfather, and the other 2 were little boys. That's fine. Nothing that out-of-the-ordinary. It was just after the next 2 hours that I realized that the father was very strict, almost abusive, to his children. As they sat down next to us, one of the little boys didn't want the drink he got, so he wanted something else. The father backhanded him and gave him a quiet, but stern talk.
Now for those that don't know, Golden Corral is a buffet, meaning that you get free drinks and refills. What is the problem then, if it is no detriment to you if your son wants something else?
Hour 2, I had about all I could eat, so I played the watcher and sipped my delicious tea and watched the family closely. The same child couldn't eat anymore, but the father gave another stern talk and made him eat it all. The child replied, "lease don't make me eat it all; I can't!". The father then, "You will eat your money's worth now start munching!" Child said no, so the father took him to the bathroom. For spanking? Or something else? Jeez, if the kid cannot eat anymore, then don't force it on the poor lad. Overeating is even harmful.
Point is kiddies, how much can and should a parent be in regards to his/her children? How much is too much before it becomes child abuse? If I were him, I wouldn't have been so abusive to my child for a free drink and a partly-finished meal. Of course I'm a teen so what do I know, right? Should there be stricter/lighter regulations on how a parent acts and behaves, if we are able to?
at the first school i went to we had music in the auditorium and we likes to play with the curtains alot and we did get in trouble for it by the teacher but one day i did it while she was outside the room andshe came in the back way and said get the **** in your seat and thats not the first time she has cursed at a kid she did it a few times before but over all she was a nice teacher.
freakenstien first off what did your parents do?If my parents saw that the wouldn't have sat there and enjoyed their meal as ifit was the best day ever
They had their backs to the family, so they did not see the action. Nor did they hear it since the reprimand was a stern talking-to in the ear. I also wouldn't want them to know, since I know how my dad is. He has a cat's curiosity and a greyhound's nose.
Too far.. There can't really be a line, because then people would skirt it. But many things are abuse, like hitting children, or constantly bashing their appearance, and telling them they missed a spot much more than you tell them "good job!" Some of these things really hurt, and a lot of the time teens get good at hiding the pain. Crying alone beats being asked why.
It's impossible to set up an effective child abuse hotline. The children grow to accept it as normal, and take it as it comes. Until they observe a household frequently that does not treat children like this, then they wouldn't know the difference.
Also, parents should be allowed to raise children however they want, so long as it doesn't cause detrimental long term physical and emotional long term damage. This story would not, and as such should be okay. What we do as parents will probably reflect in the children, but so long as you don't use actual abuse (punching, kicking, etc.), it can't really be a problem. Maybe the father was trying to instill a set of manners he deems acceptable, with means he deems acceptable. So long as he knows not to cause physical harm, I consider it fine. I've been around households that treat children like this, and households that treat children like kings, and the former is more effective at instilling humility (not the bad kind, the kind that makes you not a total a**) and tidiness.
But, we really don't know circumstances. It might appear outwardly offensive to us, but to others it might be okay. If at home they're treated in a harsh but not abusive way, all's good. If at home the discipline is far more harsh, it is a problem.
Outward looking in, not inward looking out. We don't know everything.
Parents hitting their kids usually leads to their kids to fear them. Discipline can be settled in other ways like before a child is about to do something bad,like fingerpaint a wall, firmly tell them,"We don't do that." And quickly ask for help with a game or household chore. If they don't eat their food, tell them they aren't getting anything else. If they start to throw a temper tantrum, remove them from the area and calm them down by saying in a soothing voice,"I'm sorry that you're upset, but you need to calm down."
I think that the power of the parent over the child should equall the power of the child. If it is too much, the child starts to lose backbone. If it is too little, the parents ca't control him.
Parents hitting their kids usually leads to their kids to fear them.
I once took a little informal survey in one of my classes once. The topic that it's good to hit your kids as a punishment came up. So I asked the class that if you get this form of punishment to raise your hand. Every single person who misbehaved the most in the class (the bullies and so forth) all raised there hand. Out of the ones who did not were the ones who often did well and behaved. (Mind you not all the well behaved kids were in this group of not being hit but the majority was.)
So is it good to hit your kids? I don't see it as an effective punishment.
Mage is correct, here. There have been countless studies that show that physically hitting a kid does not make a good punishment.
I will say this, though. As a kid I was thumped in the back of the head if I ever did something wrong. It effected me a lot. I, at times, would have rather been hit hard than some irritating little thump.
I always got hit when I didn't see it coming. To this day I flinch if something goes towards my head or I see something out of the corner of my eye. Though it probably beats standing in a corner hours on end.
So is it good to hit your kids? I don't see it as an effective punishment.
It's not but it's a quick convenient alternative. Also it lets out some emotional bad feelings. Soon it becomes second nature and instantly when they see something they don't like they beat it out of you.
When it's time for me to be a parent, I'm going with the punishment that truly fits the crime. My parents used corporal punishment on my brother and I ONLY when we did something that fit it (Like jumping into the cattle pasture during breeding season). I don't see it as abusive when it's few and far between. As for the story in the OP, that seems crazy to me, I've seen parents like that, and I don't like them. There's other ways to get children to obey, and abuse isn't the answer.
You know there was a time when beating the crap out of your child was excepted. Good example here. My step father was helping his father shovel some snow back when he was about 14. He started mouthing off to his father, so his father cracked him upside the head with a snow shovel. A cop car just happened to be driving by the same instant. The cop saw this and pulled up to the curb rolled down the window and yelled to his father. "Give em hell Norri!" gave him a wave and a thumbs up and drove off. Now days Norri would have gone to jail. Now I am not condoning any ones actions in either of these stories, but times where a little different for what we found acceptable. And children can make a person loose there effing mind. All to often I see a kid running through a store unsupervised with the gleam of utter destruction in his eyes. And all to often I want to find the parent of that child and crack them in the head with a snow shovel, and yell in there face to parent there god damn children.
