ForumsArt, Music, and WritingThe Legend of AG 2 Dark Times

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SlayerShadow
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SlayerShadow
112 posts
Nomad

Ok I know some ppl will say i copied off of Big Jacobs story. Big Jacob gave me the rights to the story and wants me to continue on it. I will take any feed back you have. Also I've got permission to use the few new names that are coming in.

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SlayerShadow
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SlayerShadow
112 posts
Nomad

Ok sloth i will put you into the story as a beast in myspaces castle

SlayerShadow
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SlayerShadow
112 posts
Nomad

Ok I agree with the sloth you'll hve arms and you'll be scary

Shenko
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Shenko
1,059 posts
Treasurer

nice story i like the part where slayer kills epic

bigjacob
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bigjacob
578 posts
Farmer

I like it 9 chapters sounds good so keep up the good work.

bigjacob
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bigjacob
578 posts
Farmer

hmmmm...i like it so far, but, if you ask me, it needs a little more comedy



Good point my story had more funniness but its stil ok.
darkwolf1
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darkwolf1
182 posts
Shepherd

Now,whos next?!

SlayerShadow
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SlayerShadow
112 posts
Nomad

ik jacob but to tell you the truth Jacob. I was trying more for action than comedy. I'll see what I can do with the comedy part. But if I don't get much comedy this time I'll try harder for next time.

darkwolf1
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darkwolf1
182 posts
Shepherd

[b]Hello?![b]

SlayerShadow
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SlayerShadow
112 posts
Nomad

hey man go to ghosts of exit path chat room on xat darkwolf

darkwolf1
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darkwolf1
182 posts
Shepherd

[/b]ok.[b]

Shenko
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Shenko
1,059 posts
Treasurer

haha i wanna make sure my character gets pwned

darkwolf1
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darkwolf1
182 posts
Shepherd

kk.

SlayerShadow
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SlayerShadow
112 posts
Nomad

Chapter 5

"Oh man too bad it had to end this way", Big jacob said, " Can you do anything to help him Sunshine?"

"No Jacob nothing. ... Slayer is dead", Sunshine mourned while looking at Slayer's body under the spide leg, " We should have done this later. Now myspace will rule forever."

"Hey, can somebody help me from under this spider leg it's sort of heavy?" Slayer asked.

"Slayer!!!!" Sunshine and Jacob exclaimed while helping him from under the Spider leg.

"Ok thanks you two", Slayer said,"but I have to continue my quest."

"Can we come with you", Sunshine asked.

"You 2 are powerful people. I don't know who you are or what you are but ok you can join my quest", Slayer said

"Hey your evils should almost be destroyed and you should be back to normal. But beware of the cresent moon because that's when your true power will be revealed." Sunshine warned.

"Ok Sunshine it's good to know", Slayer thanked her.

So Slayer, Brian, Sunshine and Jacob headed off towards Myspaces castle. Sunshine's special ability of precognition helped them know where to go. Heading through forests and mountains. Resting for brief times in between for food, water and sleep. Well Slayer slept he dreamed of memories in the past. Memories from when he was dead and started to remember the terrors of the underworld. Although not feared by them he knew he had a difficult test ahead. After a few days they finally got there. "Ok, I'll lead you two follow, if there are any complications fall run and we'll meet back up at the cave where i met sunshine. If I die don't try anything lay low for a while. Ok" Slayer commanded. "We got it Slayer", Sunshine replied. "Ok then let's go".

bigjacob
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bigjacob
578 posts
Farmer

Perfect o you see the truth is i was able to make action and comedy work together to make a action packed comedy filled story and pretty good action too.

Freakenstein
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Freakenstein
9,508 posts
Jester

The dialogue is great, but the whole story altogether would be excellent if you explained in great detail about the environment around them. In the end of chapter 5, they were near the castle, so they should be able to see it. Maybe the next chapter, go into detail about the castle? What's it looks like, what's inside, what's around it, what's it made of? Is it dangerous? If so, why? Is there anyone besides Myspace that's part of the castle?

Details make for a more impressive story that is sure to attract more readers

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