A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who is best at his job. So they each go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins. "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion." "I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him." They both look down at the rabbi, who is wrapped in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
So Bob and Larry are out in the woods hunting. Larry looks through his scope and says, "Hey! I can see through the bedroom window of your house, and your wife is sleeping with some guy!"
"I've had it with her," Bob says, "shoot her in the head and him in the privates."
there's a mexican a chinese man and an american the mexican throws off beans saying we have to many of these the chinese man throws off chopsticks saying we have to many of these then the american pushes off the mexican saying we have to many of these.
A girl walks into class late and the teacher asked where she was. She said, "Blowing bubbles." Then another girl came into class late and said, "I was blowing bubbles" A third girl came in late and said the same thing. Finally a boy came into class and when asked why he was late said, "I'm Bubbles."
Theres american Mexican and Chinese working at a construction site. They each open their lunch box to find, penut butter jelly sandwich burrito and rice, they each say Man if i get this lunch again im going to jump off! and the next day they each get the same thing and jump, the cops investigate their wifes and the mexicans says " he never told me he didnt like burritos, " and the chinese is " he never told me eh didnt like rice" and the american says " dont look at me he made his own lunch xD"
A blonde is pulled over for speeding by a blonde police officer. The police officer asks to see some identification and the blonde doesn't know what that is. So she asks the brunette sitting in the car with her. The brunette says is a rectangle with your face on it. The blonde pulls out her mirror and hands it to the police officer. The blonde police officer then says "Heck! If I knew you were a police officer i wouldn't have pulled you over!
Sorry to any blondes out there who might be offended, hey, I'm dirty blonde, I don't mean any harm.
Three blondes are trapped on a deserted island. A blonde digs in the sand and finds an old, dusty lamp. She rubs it and a genie pops out in a puff of purple smoke saying, "You may have 3 wishes, 1 for each of you. Choose wisely, as it is only 1." The first blonde says, "I want to go home!" So the genie transported her back to her house. The second blonde says, "I want a non-stop party!" So the genie transported her to a magical club. The third blonde says, "I'm lonely. I want my friends back!" So the genie transported both of her friends back to her on the island.
I hope you don't mind I tell several jokes in one post...
First, I guess I'll continue with the blonde jokes.
The many ways to kill a blonde (I hope this isn't offensive): 1. Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool. 2. Give her spiked shoulderpads and ask her what 2+2 is. 3. Sneak into her bathroom and replace her hairdryer with a revolver.
Okay, now that that's over...here's one I heard from my sister.
A woman has three sons, the eldest named Snowflake. He asks his mother one day why she gave him such a name, and she said, "Well son, just when you were born, a snowflake fell on your cheek, so that's what I decided to name you." "I suppose that makes sense," says Snowflake. Then the middle son, whose name is Leaf, asks her where his name came from, and found that a leaf fell on his cheek just as he was born. So the youngest, whose name was Cinderblock, finally raised his head and said, "DURRRRRRRRRRRRR!" (This joke is funnier when told out loud; oh well)
Why couldn't the eleven-year-old get into the pirate movie? -It was rated "Arrrr!"
Why did the math book go to the psychiatrist? -He had PROBLEMS.
And finally, the best of them all!
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? -One goes *whack* ... "Dang!" The other goes "Dang!" ... *WHACK!* XD
Best blonde joke, even though I usually don't like blonde jokes:
There was a brunette who rubbed a lamp and found a genie. He tells her she can have three wishes, but all the blondes in the world get twice whatever she wishes for. She wishes for a mansion filled with hundred dollar bills, and all the blondes get two. She wished for her dream guy, and the blondes got two guys. Then she pointed to a stick and said, "You see that stick over there, beat me half to death with it"
