ForumsArt, Music, and Writing[REQ]The Lyceum: Official Contest - Page One

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Maverick4
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Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

Welcome to The Lyceum, the first literary guild on Armor Games! The purpose of The Lyceum is to celebrate and support the arts on Armor Games. In the spirit of this mission, The Lyceum and its members will be supporting a poetry contest, with the winner's piece being displayed on the group's official page.

The Contest Rules

-The entered piece must fit the current theme.
-The entered piece must be submitted by the round's deadline.
-The entered piece must be created for the explicit round.
-The Lyceum respects all intellectual property; plagiarism will not be tolerated.
-One submission will be accepted per user.
-A user may not win two rounds in a row. Submissions will still be accepted from said user, however.

Judging

In order to ensure the rapid return of results, each round will have two judges: A primary judge, and an alternate. It is the job of the primary judge to post the results within three days of the closure of the round. Should the primary judge be unable to fulfill his duties of judge, the alternate judge shall be tasked with posting the judging until the primary judge can resume his duties.

Should the alternate judge be unable to post the results in a timely fashion, he shall have to find a suitable replacement to post the results, ad infinitum.

Submitting An Entry

All users are welcome to submit an entry for each round, provided it complies with the contest rules. If a user submits multiple pieces, then once piece must be specified for judging.

To join The Lyceum, or to view the current round's winner, please check out The_Lyceum. Good luck, and enjoy!

  • 33 Replies
HahiHa
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HahiHa
8,250 posts
Regent

Oh yes, some constructive criticism would be nice, if you don't mind.. seeing as we are only two members yet, this is the right time to improve before more people join and the contest begins to get interesting ^^

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

Sorry this is late

Go easy on me for these criticisms...I'm not used to dealing with short stories (directed to Quir and Sal's works)

Quirinus1

I'll go through each section..

The first paragraph..I love the simple, yet effective imagery you place. Though, I wonder if there was purpose for the time of year and what was involved..winter is a common setting for the theme of death, which works with the later idea of one of seemingly small demeanor conquering the giants. You then, however, have that no snow has falling..and I question is this for a specific purpose, or for only imagery..the use of recurring brown (coupled with gray)..if you have a purpose for this..my guess would be that you are alluding to a possible idea of the world that Alexander created, a world that maybe isn't so grand despite what he had to overcome for power..and maybe what he had to overcome maybe wasn't something we'd want him to overcome (still giants..but giants that were of good..while he of evil).

You begin this paragraph with the beginning of the line ending the previous paragraph, I'd really like this, had you done the same with the end of this paragraph and the beginning of the next one. This paragraph also seems to be a connector between the introductory paragraph with the setting and the idea of Alexander coming to power (hand in hand with the next paragraph)..and works very well at it

This paragraph, and the following line, create the connection between the tree and Alexander..but gives allusion that what Alexander had to overcome might not have been of Good, as I guessed earlier..which is a shame..that would have been a very powerful idea to have

Overall..the work works well with the theme..and is extremely obvious with the theme. The emergence of a power over powers equal in greatness, if not greater

Ending note: Work is very well constructed..but in my humble opinion..with the imagery created at the beginning..you should have created a connection between the imagery as well and Alexander's rise to power and his rule at the time, and not just the tree and its surrounding bothering

----------

Salvidian

Now, don't get me wrong..I like the work..but I'm also dissapointed in it. It seems you went straight for the theme, but then stopped once it was achieved. You could have easily gone into much more depth with the man emerging, maybe have even added in some more elaboration on the theme

End note: Keep writing..elaborate more!

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HahiHa

Now, I know you like to incorporate allusions in your works..but I'm not sure if you did on this one. Even if so..I'm sure the connection I made is way off..but it reminds me a lot of Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's head by Gorillaz.

Also..I want to slip in..with how you have it written..you should have gone with each section being its only tiny paragraph..rather than a stanza..as it would fit more with the writing style you have it set up in.

I love the confidence the writing has..the set-up for everything is quick but extremely effective..and there is not doubt at what is happening with the villagers (well..there is, but no doubt that something new has come along as altered everything for the worse).

I also love, whether intentional or not, how each section becomes progressively more and more depressing/tragic, until the point where one is left (also..ending on winter..universal theme for death)

The incorporation of the theme is in a way I love..which is taken an unconventional approach..and for yours, the theme arrive as the "emergence" of this horror, which I find very clever

End note: Change the writing style to match the style of writing

HahiHa
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HahiHa
8,250 posts
Regent

Thanks for taking your time to write a more extensive critique!

And no, I didn't make that allusion on purpose, but it's nice to see it's that open for interpretation
About the writing style, if I don't get you wrong, what you mean is putting each section in text instead of as a poem?

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

About the writing style, if I don't get you wrong, what you mean is putting each section in text instead of as a poem?


Actually, you know what, scratch that. I was exhausted when I wrote that..and had forgotten that you had, in fact, incorporated a rhyme scheme within your work.

What I should have said/suggested...work on keeping the meter pattern similar. In your 3rd and 4th stanza, you have a very nice pattern where your first line is the longest, next line is shorter, 3rd line is shortest, and the last line is around the 2nd line's length.

Now, I'm not necessarily suggesting to keep a pattern like that, but I chose that pattern because it is the most prevalent as it exists within two stanzas of your work. But keeping the meter pattern similar throughout the poem would give it a more solid presentation, and allow you to give emphasis to a part if needed by extending it past or making it shorter than the established styling
Salvidian
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Salvidian
4,170 posts
Farmer

There were no submissions, so there isn't anything to judge. As a result, I'm extending the theme a few more days. I also encourage the other judges to participate as well.

-Round Two-

Theme: Springtime Serenade

Due Date: April 22nd

Primary Judge: Emp

Alternate Judge: Sal

StormWalker
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StormWalker
8,232 posts
Jester

Outside, sunbeams and
pollen stain the world golden,
so I hide inside.
---
Yay, fail haiku X3
And there's no 'serenade' in it :P

rychus
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rychus
1,282 posts
Farmer

Outside, through the red,
Through the red, follow the bee.
Through the bee, follow,
Follow me.
A stiff breeze and hence a high windchill,
Through the breeze, follow what is.
Follow me under the Oak,
Guidance gives the Bee.
Follow me.


(may not be what your asking for but hey, might as well put something in)

Quirinus1
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Quirinus1
157 posts
Shepherd

I will write something tomorrow on the day of the deadline.

Quirinus1
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Quirinus1
157 posts
Shepherd

Lyceum contest

Springtime Serenade

Letters to Antonius (1)



Dear Antonius

The best of times is when soft winds care for my face. The soft winds that caressed my father and his father and his father before and his forefather of my forefather. The ideal time to reflect upon the doings of myself and those who came before me is spring. Sweet and gentle and the shining mark in a dark night of a new beginning. The spring brings a serenade of the past to those who wish to listen. Those who listen to green and lush words of the distant sun see the truth in her speech without words.

Which word is which? Books cannot tell. If there only was such a codex of the conscience, if only the hieroglyphs of the mind were open for translation. The apple which reads tei kallistei is full of hidden temptations.

Opposites attract: my reflection is spring, my mind is fall. I must examine myself for my malicious sins. Only that way I can become pure. Only that way I can prove my mental innocence. Was I only but a child, then my youth could be an excuse.

In order to finish this letter I have to pay my literary tax, an hommage; with which I shall honour Seneca: âSed nihil est vitium sine patrocinio;â.

Quirinus

Hectichermit
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Hectichermit
1,828 posts
Bard

A void, an empty feel of nothing, a dullness of infinity, an everlasting callous, a singular existence. Anger, anger of a thousand years filled the its thoughts. Then, desperation, desperation for a thousand years filled its thoughts. Then insanity, insanity for a thousand years filled its thought. and finally nothing, nothing...nothing. A singular existence, an everlasting callous, a dullness of infinity, an empty feel of nothing, a void.
Then a distant presence, one less then a shadow upon a black curtain, the shadow dancing silently, ambiguous motions, but marginally, gradually, growing in definition as the shadow becomes more defined as the black curtain becomes something else. Color, Color, what is the color, the thoughts ponder, something of warmth, then of warmth, the vale of dullness begins to wear more and more the shadow is larger and more defined, then sound a low drumming of sound gradually growing in tempo until its a steady pulse. Thoughts race, the void filled with lost sensation, lost existence. As the red curtain begins to touch, touch of something, a mass, a body. Thoughts linger on the last sensation, one never known. Then the tightness of the curtain pulling against the mass, more and more, until a desperate struggle begins, pushing, more pushing against the crushing space until a tear, the loss of warmth, the weight of a body, the first breath, thoughts of freedom, eyes open into the light of the world and see the shadow for the first time.
Eyes blink, haze shifting into shapes, breaking apart the obsidian glass shell with blunt fingers The thing that was a shadow, a stone figure carved with grasping claws holding a burning brazier of oil. Crawling out of the stony shell a blue black creature not more then a couple pounds tumbles out onto the carved stone floor. In the dim light other things gather with the smell of blood in the air. The smell of a living body...


I put my story into a quote to discern story and my own dialog

I began to write it as a starting point of a monster character that was suppose to be for a DnD game, basically the plot is suppose to incorporate a creature that is an evil spirit who is imprisoned by other spirits, but a combination of evil place and evil essence of the creature turns his prison into the means of a real body, that is a body of flesh.
Hectichermit
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Hectichermit
1,828 posts
Bard

:P
didn't check the current theme lol...*facepalm*
Springtime Serenade @.@


Flowers bloom for a flash
another springtime dash
Insects dance to drink deep
the sweet liquid a of blossoms treat
Pollen grasps the backs
masked in scent the of living traps
Then the bloom begins to rot
and the final dance drop
petals in the summers hot sun
the fruit of flowers done
spread the seeds
filling the needs
of the next lot
of empty pots


:P dunno if its poetry or not, because I do not follow any rules that them poems follow I think, lol just was trying to submit something relevant to the current theme
Salvidian
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Salvidian
4,170 posts
Farmer

The window for submissions will close at midnight AG time.

HahiHa
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HahiHa
8,250 posts
Regent

Walking one morning through the woods, cool mist meeting my face. The suns gilded beams creep shyly through the bare treetops, leaving the damp soil thirsty for its warmth. Through the wooden pillars I see a majestic deer strolling across the brushwood, grazing the green buds sacrificed by the plants as a vanguard against the winter; old winter loath to finally leave these lands it held so long in its cold embrace.
As I carry onward, my invisible path leads me to the periphery of a large glade at the center of the forest. Stepping into the flooding light, I meet the empty gaze of a lordly white stag, standing amidst a sea of swaying reeds. The animal holds the gaze, and a creeping feeling of drowsiness comes upon me. Mist is rising, all the while I sleepily notice myself falling on the sprouting green moss, radiating life from every inch of my body. Viridescence emanates across the surface of the land. Cernunnos, I heed your calling: I am Spring, I am Life.

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

Round is over. Emp will have a judging made sometime in the near future..if not than Sal shall.

After they have completed that..a little surprise of sorts

Salvidian
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Salvidian
4,170 posts
Farmer

I'll judge tomorrow if Emp doesn't do it anytime today.

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