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Been doing some short stories and thought I would share.
This first one is called Other Side.
I use to be an ordinary person. I would go to work each day at the office and come home to watch the latest news on tv. I would sometimes help out at the local church on the weekends. Today when I woke up I felt different some how. My whole body felt stiff and sore, but worse than that I had this unbearable hunger.
I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. Opening the refrigerator door I began grabbing what ever was closest to the front and tried eating it right there. Something was wrong. Nothing tasted right, it was like eating cardboard. I quickly spit the food out. Had it gone bad? No, I just got this food yesterday. I tried something else, again the food tasted wrong, but I ate it anyway trying to satisfy the growing hunger in me. No matter how much of this food I tried to eat the hunger just got worse.
It had been hours and by this time I had torn apart my kitchen looking for something that would fill me up, but everything tasted wrong. The stiff sore feeling had gone away, but the hunger in me had now become ravenous. I felt like I was starving. Then I heard a soft knock on my door. I looked up and again 'knock knock'. I opened the front door and looked down to find a little girl who couldn't have been no older then eight at most. She wore a girl scout uniform and was holding a box of cookies in both hands. She looked up at me with big brown doe like eyes and held the box of cookies out towards me. "Would you like to by some cookies mister?" she asked. The hunger pain lurched inside of me! YES, THIS, THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO EAT!
I don't know how long I was out but I was brought back around to the sound a woman screaming. I must have blacked out from hunger, but the hunger was gone now. I looked down at my hands, they were covered in blood. I began to look around, on the floor next to me was the little girl. At least I think it was her. She had been torn apart. Becoming more aware I could feel the blood caked on around my mouth. I had eaten the little girl. I looked over at the screaming woman, as I stumbled to my feet. She looked like the little girls mother. She must have been waiting for her at the end of the street and saw me pull the little girl inside. In a panic the woman grabbed a large knife I had left laying on the counter next to her. She came charging at me and I reeled back as she pierced my chest with the knife.
I looked down at the blade now sticking out of me. It was strange, it didn't hurt at all. I didn't care though, because the hunger was coming back again and this time I knew what I wanted to eat.
- 21 Replies
And if you wake before it's through, you can move,
A bit late now, but shouldn't it be "can't"?
A bit late now, but shouldn't it be "can't"?
Yes... Head desk...
I remember reading something...but I can't remember much so it's gonna be a little fuzzy:
In an uncle/aunt's house this girl will leave at night to hang out with friends, she says goodbye to her cousin and tells her that she'll be back in a while. Her cousin responds with just a nod. After going down the stairs she sees her cousin once again. She tells her that she just saw her upstairs but her cousin said she just arrived home.
This seemed like a good place to post this. I did this for english class, and just thought I'd share it. Keep in mind, I am terrible author, so don't expect much. By the way, i thought the very first story on this thread was awesome.
In the State of Ohio, there is a deserted back road. Along the edge lies a cabin where no one has been since the incident. For many years, the reason has been hidden, but now it will be revealed.
On a bright, summer day, a red SUV drove up a long, winding, dark, road. Before the night was through, the three unsuspecting people inside would be changed for the rest of their lives. However long that would be. âPull overâ, said Henry, the young, nervous, photographer. âThis river should provide a good cover for the book Iâm taking pictures for.â Henry, the 6 foot 8 professional football player who, by his own account, wasnât afraid of anything, said, âWhy do you have to ruin everything we do with your stupid photography?â While these two argued whether or not to pull over, the oldest of the three travelers, 32 year old Charles Smith, Ph.D, sat, waiting for the storm to pass. In his thick British accent, he said, âWould you two stop that incessant bickering? We decided to go on this trip just for fun. We canât do this if youâre going to be disagreeing all the time.â After this, the trio drove on in silence until reaching their destination, an old log cabin in the woods with a river running in the valley next to it. While the three unpacked, an unknown presence was watching them from the edge of the woods. Watching, waiting.
âIâm going out to for a spot of fresh airâ, said Charles, as he walked out the door. The other two were inside fixing dinner, and he wanted a break in his friends never-ending arguing. As he walked along the river, he felt something was watching him from the ridge above. He turned abruptly when he heard shells crunching under someoneâs footsteps. Nervously, he said, âWhoâs there?â The sound stopped. âIâm warning you, if you try anything, I will call Scotland Yard.â In reality, this was impossible as they were not in England. While slowly backing up, Charles kept shouting out warnings to the unknown individual. Suddenly, he felt the rough, dirt wall behind him. He had run out of space to flee. âWell, I suppose thereâs nothing to do but wait, and hope for the best.â Slowly, the footsteps started again. They were coming closer. Charles felt a chill go down his spine. Then, the shadowy figure was revealed. âWhat are you doing out, Charles?â It was Henry. âHenry!? I thought you were making supper with Henry.â To this Henry looked surprised and said, âNo. You were supposed to be the one making dinner. We thought you were going to get back in time, so we didnât start yet.â Now it was Charlesâ turn to look surprised. âBut I saw you two in the kitchen!â The two friends shared a horrified look as they walked back to the cabin in silence.
âI really donât think this is a good idea, guys,â said Henry as he looked at the old cabin that was replaced long ago by a better one. âRemember why this place closed? There was a murder in the back room.â Henry had persuaded Henry and Charles to visit this place, but was now having second thoughts himself. Of course, he would never let the others know this. âYou can head back if you want, Henry. That is, if youâre scared.â At this insult, Henry immediately jumped to the front of the group, determined to prove himself. As they slowly entered the dimly lit cabin, a crow sprung from itâs nest above the spot where the door used to be. A black feather floated down from the nest and landed at Henryâs feet. With a perfectly timed gust of wind, it quickly flew into the dark recesses of the cabin. As the three continued to walk, a creaking out of time with their steps caught the attention of Charles. âI say, does anyone else here that?â At this everyone stopped in their tracks. The sound continued, and Charles deduced that it was coming from the ceiling. Now that he looked at it, the ceiling seemed to be caving in. âHENRY, LOOK OUT!â Just as Henry jumped out of the way, a boulder a foot and a half wide and just as tall fell from the ceiling and landed right where he had been standing only a moment before. The trio simply stared in awe at the fallen object that could have killed Henry. Their stares then switched to the hole in the ceiling. Several large spiders crawled out of holes in the rotted boards, while a rope that looked like it had once held a heavy object-such as a huge rock-hung from the ceiling of the room above. âSo,â said Henry. âAnyone want to find out whoâs trying to kill us?â The response was immediate, unanimous, and logical. âNo! Letâs get out of here.â The three friends drove away from the cabin quickly, and filed suit against the owners. An investigation was launched by the local police, and the two cabins were torn down. Thatâs the reason no one has been there for a while.
Here's one from my old primary school, which I've annotated somewhat because I think it's better. Kind of like "Knock Knock Knock", only nock.
Drip, Drip, Drip
This is kindof late, but isn't this story from somewhere else? Or did you just make your own adaptation of it?
Other Side.
This one was great... Though I suggest adding a lot more detail to it. The fact of the matter is you have to get the reader in the world of the character and if there isn't enough detail then the reader cannot grasp the environment well enough so it's not as good. I like the premise though. As pang said you didn't have to say you ate her, it was obvious... with stories you have to keep up a certain flow of things and this really cuts it out. Good job though I liked it.
Do You Think I'm Pretty
This story imo had a good build... But it was all too abrupt, forgetting about details and dialouge. The end was the most abrupt part, it just happened out of nowhere and you didn't manage to build enough tension in the story. It was okay though and I think it has a great idea to make a great story but you really need to build on it. You also made it a bit too obvious as to what kind of was going to happen when he first heard the voice in the car.
Knock Knock Knock
This was pretty good.. but again detail, detail. But at the end I was left really confused, not saying that's bad but I was just way too confused. Too confused for my liking. It's good to leave some stories like this to make the reader come up with his own conclusion but I really just couldn't, I don't know why.
It Waits
Hahah nice short. :P
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