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Growing Invisible (poem)

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 5:25am

NoNameC68

NoNameC68

5,296 posts

Knight

I wrote this poem in the format of a song (I use repeating lines). Tell me what you think. I may add onto/change this poem in the future.

Everybody, look at me,
don't you see,
this child?

Doesn't know what its like,
we don't even look alike.

Everybody, look at me,
don't you see,
this boy?

Not a dream or a care,
nor a life of despair.

Faces, they wonder,
past me, can't you see?
My life is just different,
no matter how I change.
You always, it seemed,
looked down on me.
I look for the day,
I can finally be free.

Everybody, eyes on me,
can't you see,
this young man?

Always sleeping and weeping,
his soul, its seeping

Everybody, dont look at me,
can you see,
this monster?

Betrayal and denial,
they took away his smile.

Faces, they wonder,
past me, can't you see?
My life is just different,
no matter how I change.
You always, it seemed,
looked down on me.
I look for the day,
when I can finally be free.

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 5:47am

kingryan

kingryan

4,439 posts

So Sad. You spelt Invisible wrong!

Quite good...

KingRyan

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 5:49am

ubertuna

ubertuna

2,262 posts

Knight

I fixed it for him. And yes, it is very good.

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 5:49am

kingryan

kingryan

4,439 posts

ARgh! It used to be spelt wrong, now it is spelt right! What is happeneing!


KingRyan

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 5:50am

Lige

Lige

1,669 posts

I believe you also spelled wander wrong. I liked it though. I wish I could write poetry.

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 5:52am

ubertuna

ubertuna

2,262 posts

Knight

It's... DARK MAGICKS!!!

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 5:58am

kingryan

kingryan

4,439 posts

ARGHY!!!! I knew it! Ubertuna's a witch! Burn the witch! Burn the Witch!

First the evil white cat...now Dark Magic...what next...signs of the Apocolypse?

KingRyan

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 6:03am

Lige

Lige

1,669 posts

my eyeballs just fell out... should I be alarmed?

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 6:09am

NoNameC68

NoNameC68

5,296 posts

Knight

Ok... well I guess I shall let you all know that I failed every single spelling test I had from 4th-8th grade. So please leave my spelling alone (I have no idea why, but I am fairly good at writing despite the spelling errors) >.<

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 6:21am

crazynaitor

crazynaitor

2,959 posts

Its good but this topic seems more like is Ubertuna a Witch?

 
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