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[necro] Story- In the Desert

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Posted Jul 23, '08 at 12:11pm

notaguitarhero

notaguitarhero

232 posts

It's been six days alone in this endless desert. I'm ready to quit but I won't. I'm to far in to this now. My camel is starting to die. I don't know of what. But he hasn't been well since our last stop. He a few other and child. Maybe disease. Then in front of my eyes I see the best thing I've seen in six whole days, A pond. I leap off my camel and then I see some thing five times better. My darling wife.
Then she dissapears. It was just a mirage. She was murdered by the same people I am hunting down. Their leader goes by the alias "Daisy". One day that Daisy will be burned. The sun is getting to me though. I need to not think of revenge and rescue their current hostage...My son. The camel is dead. Food and water is running low. It looks grim from here. But I must push on. I grab my canteen, my last 3 rations, my knife, and my pistol, and carry on. Further and Further into this sandy hell. I'll be in bashkaba soon. Which is where the rest of this mission shall take place.
----------------------------------------------------------
COMMENTARY: Alright.
This is a work in progress. This is basically the middle of my story "In the desert"
And prelude and a sequel will be coming when I get around to it.
I chose the name "Daisy" as the Alias because I wanted something inncent sounding.
The reason the chracter dosen't have a name yet is because I wanted him to be mystrious and I couldn't think of a good name for a viglante.
And please don't post opionons on names. I'll think of one soon.
But, Do post if you like the story.
The draft was written at 11:20 Am before I joined the armorgames community.

 

Posted Jul 23, '08 at 12:23pm

flappybob999

flappybob999

765 posts

Hmm... Work on grammar. I had no idea what

  He a few other and child.

meant.

Also, you may have wanted an intro.

 

Posted Jul 23, '08 at 12:30pm

notaguitarhero

notaguitarhero

232 posts

Yeah, As I said I am working on a intro.
I get in a hurry when I start typing.
What it was meant to say was *He bit a few other camels and a child.
I have good grammer.
I just get in hurry when I type.
I am really working on my intro but it hasn't came to me yet once it comes to me It's comes on paper.
Thank you for the help!

 

Posted Jul 23, '08 at 12:31pm

notaguitarhero

notaguitarhero

232 posts

Not exactly a shining example of good grammer in the last sentence. ._.

 

Posted Jul 23, '08 at 3:48pm

firetail_madness

firetail_madness

19,843 posts

I wonder if the hero will die. =P

 

Posted Jul 24, '08 at 6:23am

kingryan

kingryan

4,165 posts

Yes, I speak goodly grammar too!

Interesting...although usually an intro is nice!

I await the continuing storyline?

KingRyan

 

Posted Jul 24, '08 at 5:28pm

skater_kid_who_pwns

skater_kid_who_pwns

4,313 posts

it good use good grammar

Well, besides the grammar here and there it was great I await the intro though.