ForumsArt, Music, and WritingRate my song please

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melina1117
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melina1117
215 posts
60

hey guys i wrote a new song and i just wanted to know if its good.so please read and rate.

Sometimes

Some things i cannot just explain.
They make me wanna complain.
To everything,for everything.
Somehow i try to make it up.
But then it all screws up again.
Everytime,all the time.

And i wish you could understand.
But no!You canât!

(chorus)
Sometimes i think youâre sick of me.
Sometimes i feel like falling from everything.
Just like iâm a piece of toast(a piece of toast).
And sometimes i think youre bored with me.
Sometimes i think that you canât feel.
Just like iâm a piece of toast(a piece of toast).

This fact can make me wanna cry.
I feel like i could just die.
Just right now,right now.
But then i think it is a lie.
So now to calm down i try.
Itâs so hard,very hard!

And i wish you could understand.
But no!You canât!

(chorus)
Sometimes i think youâre sick of me.
Sometimes i feel like falling from everything.
Just like iâm a piece of toast(a piece of toast).
And sometimes i think youre bored with me.
Sometimes i think that you canât feel.
Just like iâm a piece of toast(a piece of toast).

Sometimes i wanna scream(wanna scream)!
I just wanna leave!

(chorus)x2
Sometimes i think youâre sick of me.
Sometimes i feel like falling from everything.
Just like iâm a piece of toast(a piece of toast).
And sometimes i think youre bored with me.
Sometimes i think that you canât feel.
Just like iâm a piece of toast(a piece of toast).

Just like iâm a piece of toast.

It is my first song and i wrote it at 1 oâ clock in the morning yesterday so rate fairly!

  • 20 Replies
Estel
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Estel
1,976 posts
1,260

Hmmm, well I'd first say that you aren't exactly going deep lyric wise. It just seems too....ordinary. The toast part had me laughing, but doesn't really fit into the song.

Is this supposed to be a serious, or comedic song?

Programpro
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Programpro
567 posts
185

8/10 Pretty good, but I don't get the piece of Toast thing.

Also, has anyone else wondered Why some people's forum apostrophes go crazy?

Example:

Just like i�m a piece of toast(a piece of toast).
Just like i�m a piece of toast.
It is my first song and i wrote it at 1 o� clock in the morning yesterday so rate fairly!


I can't really rate it if it's just words, though.
Estel
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Estel
1,976 posts
1,260

IT is because she copied it off of MS Word, and pasted in the text box. The strange symbols occur when apostrophes, and other punctuations are used.

Programpro
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Programpro
567 posts
185

Lesson: Use notepad.

What genre is this (rock, classic, folk). It'll give me a better Idea of how it sounds.

KiLLaH1234567
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KiLLaH1234567
251 posts
170

Good. 8/10

melina1117
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melina1117
215 posts
60

i didnt know what to write there and i also dont know why it is like that o�.thanks i will try to write something that makes more sense.

RaptorExx
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RaptorExx
2,226 posts
2,425

It's alright, I can't get a real concept for it, cause right now I'm reading it as a poem of some sort, it may help to give some sort of background to what the music around the words would sound like, but I'm nt very good at reading poems either, so I doubt it would help o_o

Good. 8/10


Take your game comment elsewhere lol, on the forums we write REAL posts! XD

So yeah, I'd say, around 8/10, the toast makes up 5 out of all of that, cause toast is cool. lol.
kingryan
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kingryan
4,203 posts
2,370

Mmm...it would be easier if there was some kind of rythym or beat to it...Like raptor says I am reading it as a poem....

I would say about 7 out of 10....the toast but was a little strange though...

KIngRYan

AAA
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AAA
138 posts
185

Pretty good

crimsonblade55
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crimsonblade55
5,493 posts
1,660

I still don't get what the piece of toast is all about.

RaptorExx
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RaptorExx
2,226 posts
2,425

It's an important of the song, just go with it...

crazynaitor
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crazynaitor
2,679 posts
0

8/10 but the piece of toast was hilarious it was a pretty good song!

hitmanvp95
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hitmanvp95
1,093 posts
230

it's ok!!!

dragonwarior
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dragonwarior
11 posts
20

its pretty good 8/10

kevin44
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kevin44
1,803 posts
3,460

7.5/10. The piece of toast part had me laughing.

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