Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Tanka Contest - Theme: The Sky (p.6)
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Some of you may be asking, what is a "Tanka"? Unfortunately, Dr Elmer cannot give you the answer off the top of his head, so he decided to ask Wikipedia for help.
Tanka consists of five units (often treated as separate lines when Romanized or translated) usually with the following mora pattern:
5-7-5-7-7.
The 5-7-5 is called the kami-no-ku ("upper phrase", and the 7-7 is called the shimo-no-ku ("lower phrase". Tanka is a much older form of Japanese poetry than haiku.
Thanks Wikipedia!
Now that you know what this "Tanka" thing is, let's look at the guidelines for the contest.
-Must follow the 5-7-5-7-7 syllable scheme.
-Must be in English
-No foul words that might make Dr Elmer cry
-It must fit the theme
-It will not win if it does not meet the deadline
-No exceptions!
There is currently no prize for this contest, but Dr Elmer and his super Tanka henchmen are out to fix that.
Dr Elmer (you may know him as DrElmer because armorgames does not allow underscores or spaces) will be the judge unless he says otherwise. He will appoint a new judge when there are expections.
Dr Elmer has no ideas for themes, unfortunately, and he needs your help. After a normal round, the winner would pick the next theme, but there haven't been any rounds yet and Dr Elmer is drawing a blank. So if you could please help him decide a theme, that would make him so happy and it would allow you to submit all your wonderful Tankas that you've got bottled up in there.
- 68 Replies
How long could it take to judge.There are baerley any entries.
Here are the results.
First, the entries:
Ancient willows in
the wind, flexing and bending.
To learn to yield in
stress, that is the way of trees,
that is the way of willows.
Winding so slowly.
Ancient oaks crumble like soil.
Forever sitting.
When time began they were here.
They were here, winding slowly.
Huge trees in the air,
No one knowing what's coming,
Trees about to fall,
People noticing running,
People not getting away.
Trees are very, very green
Life has no reflection, right?
Green is good. I guess.
5-7-5-7-7, is strange.
My tree got broken, it did.
Some mean guy cut it down, yep.
The reaping fire,
It kills everything around,
Everything shall die.
Once it's done, life will renew,
It's the cycle of trees' lives.
The birds' songs, I hear
My colourful leaves, I see
Soft snowflakes, I feel
Through the misty clouds, I reach
What more could a tree ask for?
Danny is happy
He now has 7 mil AP
Firetail_madness is mad
he goes away to get gun
he comes back and shoots danny
Swaying in the wind.
Birds atop, resting there heads.
Woken by loud noise,
They flee in all directions.
Where they once slept is no more.
they are so ugly
why bother looking at them?
too many branches
trees are so dang annoying
but they give us air to breathe
You standing there come
Before it gets you, run fast
It might be too late-5
May seem far from you, sadly though
It already swallowed you whole
Singing with the wind
Shining emerald in sunlight
Casting dappled shadows down
Twisted roots snaking through soil
Gold leaves shine in autumn light
Now comes september
Some leaves fall, some change color
Just after the summer (whoops a rhyme?)
The humans are mezmerize
The birds continue their nests
Having that part of the judging is there more to help me.
Now for the awards.
The "Read the Theme" award - Dannydaninja
Danny is happy
He now has 7 mil AP
Firetail_madness is mad
he goes away to get gun
he comes back and shoots danny
Read the theme next time! :P
The "Trees With Mouths" award - Google567
You standing there come
Before it gets you, run fast
It might be too late-5
May seem far from you, sadly though
It already swallowed you whole
A tree swallowing me whole? I'd hate to see where I'd get digested. The last line, by the way, is eight syllables.
The "Crowded Forest" Award - iamnotironman
Huge trees in the air,
No one knowing what's coming,
Trees about to fall,
People noticing running,
People not getting away.
This one made me wonder why so many people would be near these tall trees in the first place. :S
The "Extra Line" Award - Krizaz
Trees are very, very green
Life has no reflection, right?
Green is good. I guess.
5-7-5-7-7, is strange.
My tree got broken, it did.
Some mean guy cut it down, yep.
The fourth line completely kills the poem, and it was 10 syllables. Ask yourself, was it really necessary?
The "Too Slow to Notice" Award - adios194
Winding so slowly.
Ancient oaks crumble like soil.
Forever sitting.
When time began they were here.
They were here, winding slowly.
It appears as if the oaks wound so slowly that you didn't notice you repeated the same phrase in the first and last line. :P
The "Grumpy Old Man" Award - FloydTC
they are so ugly
why bother looking at them?
too many branches
trees are so dang annoying
but they give us air to breathe
I agree, sometimes trees can be annoying; and yes, they are very important for breathing.
The "Kung Fu Trees" Award - cyancanine402
Ancient willows in
the wind, flexing and bending.
To learn to yield in
stress, that is the way of trees,
that is the way of willows.
It honestly sounds to me like something from an old kung fu movie. :P
The "Single Mention" Award - EnterOrion
The reaping fire,
It kills everything around,
Everything shall die.
Once it's done, life will renew,
It's the cycle of trees' lives.
This seems to be more about fire than about trees. You mention trees once, and it has nothing to do with the rest of the poem.
The "What Rhyme?" Award - jdoggparty
Now comes september
Some leaves fall, some change color
Just after the summer (whoops a rhyme?)
The humans are mezmerize
The birds continue their nests
This would have been a lot better if you didn't slip that "whoops a rhyme?" in there. And color and summer don't really rhyme. :P
The "Personification is Good" Award - Kyouzou
Singing with the wind
Shining emerald in sunlight
Casting dappled shadows down
Twisted roots snaking through soil
Gold leaves shine in autumn light
Not a bad use of personification, there.
The "Disturb the Bird" Award - jaza_m
Swaying in the wind.
Birds atop, resting there heads.
Woken by loud noise,
They flee in all directions.
Where they once slept is no more.
My one question is, why can't they just go back? o_O
The "Perspective" Award - Teeheegirl123
The birds' songs, I hear
My colourful leaves, I see
Soft snowflakes, I feel
Through the misty clouds, I reach
What more could a tree ask for?
I love how this one takes the point of view from the tree and not from an observer.
Now for the placement awards.
Champion's Exhibit - EnterOrion
The reaping fire,
It kills everything around,
Everything shall die.
Once it's done, life will renew,
It's the cycle of trees' lives.
If the theme were fire, and you had not won the last round, this one could have won.
5th Place - Kyouzou
Singing with the wind
Shining emerald in sunlight
Casting dappled shadows down
Twisted roots snaking through soil
Gold leaves shine in autumn light
Great imagery! If this one flowed a bit more, it would have placed higher up.
4th Place - adios194
Winding so slowly.
Ancient oaks crumble like soil.
Forever sitting.
When time began they were here.
They were here, winding slowly.
Like I said before, if you hadn't repeated that last part, it could have possibly had a higher placing...
3rd Place - cyancanine402
Ancient willows in
the wind, flexing and bending.
To learn to yield in
stress, that is the way of trees,
that is the way of willows.
What I liked about this one is the real Japanese feel to it. The words actually sound like an old stereotypical Japanese character from an old film said them.
2nd Place - jaza_m
Swaying in the wind.
Birds atop, resting there heads.
Woken by loud noise,
They flee in all directions.
Where they once slept is no more.
More great imagery, flowed very well. Very nicely done.
1st Place - Teeheegirl123
The birds' songs, I hear
My colourful leaves, I see
Soft snowflakes, I feel
Through the misty clouds, I reach
What more could a tree ask for?
This was my favorite because it was written from the perspective of the tree. It's so simple, but it flows so nicely and it's so different from the rest. Congratulations, you've won! There's no prize, but you still won!
Thank you all for entering this round. The next theme is The Sky and the deadline is Saturday, February 6th.
I feel like I should have entered that round. Maybe I'll enter one later this round.
Yayyyyyyy! I got the Crowded Forest award!I could of done better if it flowed.
The sky so high up,
Clouds are moving everywhere,
What could be above, (the sky)
Anything could be up there,
How amazing the sky is.
Yes yes yes! I'm so happy!
Anyways, here's my entry for this round.
You can't escape it
Its arms wind through the treetops
Its breath is the wind
But do you ever wonder
What lies deep inside its heart?
Clouds float through the air
The wind sings in azure skies
Bright stars in dark skies
Natures breathtaking canvas
Lightning flashes, thunder booms
There it is, hopefully I'll do just as good this time...
My one question is, why can't they just go back? o_O
The loud noise intended to be a foreign object, Known to us as a chainsaw. The tree got cut down pretty much.
Opal and Chrystine.
Beautiful during the night.
Stars shining so bright.
Clouds are the veil that cover
heaven. The structure above.
57577
I look up to see
A bright blue sky, so blue
Nothing can amaze
Amaze the way the sky does
The sky keeps me wondering
Well its either judge now or don't judge at all because its pretty obvious that no one else is planning on entering....I think
In the atmosphere
Where the clouds move so swiftly
Where the air is clear
And the birds are flying high
Blue beauty, in day and night
lines 1 and 3 inspired by mary poppins lol
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